Submitted to: Contest #159

What Price Judas Pays for His Silver

Written in response to: "Write about somebody down on their luck who unexpectedly comes into a large amount of money."

Urban Fantasy

Xavier tried not to stare as he followed his cousin through the building; Jona was obviously used to this, and unaffected. 


On the outside, this looked like a typical warehouse, with a few security guards patrolling. On the inside, it was an illegal dinosaur fighting haven. Xavier wondered how his cousin had gotten admittance, and almost regretted having come himself. Then he pushed the feeling down. Just this once, it was necessary, and he didn’t ever have to come back. 


Jona headed for a chain link fence enclosure anchored to the concrete floor, and circled it, looking for the bookmaker. Xavier watched as a forklift carried a cage towards the arena. Inside, a brown velociraptor paced, agitated.


β€œHey, Carl!” Jona greeted a man with blond hair, slapping his brown hand into Carl’s pale one. They shook, then Carl jerked a thumb at Xavier. β€œWhat’s he want?”


β€œHe’s gonna make a bet.”

β€œBut not yet,” Xavier interjected. β€œI need to look first.” 


A second forklift approached the pen, carrying another caged velociraptor, this one a rusty red-brown. A man was walking alongside the cage, shouting directions to the forklift operator. The cage was lowered to the floor in front of a sliding gate in the fence.


Xavier strolled over and observed the rusty-colored animal, which was already growling. It looked a bit underfed, but alert, and intently focused on the far side of the pen. Xavier followed its line of sight, and saw the opponent animal.   


He headed to the opposite side, and watched the brown velociraptor for a bit. This one was still pacing, and seemed nervous, jumping at every loud, sudden noise, and snapping at whoever came too close. It was covered in scars. Listening to conversation, Xavier soon realized it was a celebrated winner, as well as the favorite. 


He went back and scrutinized the rusty velociraptor again, looking specifically for scars. It didn’t have as many as the brown, and was smaller. 


People were starting to cluster around Carl, placing their bets. Numb, Xavier clutched the thick, compressed stack of paper billsβ€”nearly all of his family’s savings. As he handed over his bet, his stomach churned.


When the cage doors were opened, the rusty velociraptor stepped out first, head high. The brown shifted uneasily, until someone jabbed it with a prod of some kind, and it leaped forward. Then it saw its opponent. 


Xavier didn’t want to watch what followed, but felt he had to, so he would know whether his suppositions held true. 


The rusty-colored velociraptor was quickly set upon by the larger brown, but fought back hard. They bit and clawed each other until blood ran and bone was visible in deep gashes. The bigger animal kept jumping on top of his opponent and holding him down with his weight, while his sickle claws scored deep. The little one would twist his head and snap at his adversary’s exposed throat and undersides, until the uppermost dinosaur had to jump off to escape. But it always circled around and tried to get on top again. 


The brown was standing on the rusty again when the rusty’s teeth caught its arm, twisted, and snapped it. That took the fight out of him. The brown velociraptor ran around and around the pen, harassed by the rusty, until poles with lassos on the ends caught them and shoved them back into the cages. Xavier couldn’t tell whether it had lasted minutes or hours. 


People drifted towards Carl again to collect their money. Xavier waited to be one of the last in line. He didn’t want to get followed and mugged. 


β€œLucky,” the bookie commented as he handed Xavier his winnings. 

Jona looked dumbfounded. β€œI can’t believe you pulled that off.”


Outside, Xavier couldn’t find a garbage can, so he ended up puking on the asphalt of the parking lot, then again on the side of another warehouse. Wiping his mouth on his arm, he drew a shaky breath, and mentally divided the money. Utility bill, phone bill, car repair, mortgage, groceries. But first, to the bank, to replace what he’d taken out earlier. Xavier crammed the wad of cash as far down into his pocket as it would go.  


Xavier’s mom was happy when he told her he’d paid the bills, and so were his siblings when he told them he had pizza and soda for dinner. When he thought about where the money for the food had come from, he felt queasy again, said he wasn’t hungry, and left to work overtime at the gas station.


<><><>


β€œI’m proud of you, Xavier,” his father said the next day, squeezing his hand. β€œYou’re doing a good job taking care of your mother and your siblings.” 

The way the heart monitor kept beeping made Xavier feel crazy. The smell of hospital would be stuck in his nose for hours. Even Dad smelled like hospital. β€œIt’s hard without you at home.” 


β€œI know. I don’t want to be here, and I’ll get out as soon as I can. You keep doing what you’re doing.”


β€œOkay, Dad, I will.” Xavier stood up. β€œMom said she needed to talk to you about stuff. I’ll wait in the hallway with everyone else.”


β€œI love you, son. You’re doing a really good job.”


He wasn’t so sure about that last part. β€œI love you too, Dad.” 


Faster than Xavier could believe, money ran short. The bills needed paying. Eli needed new shoes. And they always seemed to need more groceries.   


He asked Jona to take him back to the fights.


His cousin laughed. β€œThought you said you weren’t going back there again, Judas.” 

β€œI’m not a Judas.”

β€œI’ll write down directions.”

β€œDon’t. This is the last time.”


Soon Xavier knew the route by heart.


At the fights, he was known as Judas. It was the name Jona always called him. The only name they ever heard him called. He didn’t correct them. An alias was probably safer.


β€œI don’t know how you’re doing this with just the money from the gas station,” Dad said on the next visit. 

β€œI’m not. There are other things I’m doing, but it’s really hard.” Nausea punched Xavier’s gut. β€œI’ve gotta go.”   


Every time he went, he set up a mental block. He didn’t let himself see the injured, losing animals with mangled limbs dripping blood. Or the starving hatchlings eaten by their litter mates. At home he could barely eat dinner, and at the hospital he had a hard time looking his dad in the eyes. 


His family needed money.

Posted Aug 20, 2022
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11 likes 7 comments

Graham Kinross
11:42 Sep 26, 2022

This is a nice unique mix of inspirations, the gambling issue which isn’t a conventional addiction but a dependency. Interesting that he consistently wins the bets. Got a thing for velociraptors?

I like that you don’t try to redeem anyone here. It’s all murky, Xavier isn’t out at the end. The temptation would be to add some happy ending where he frees them and wins the lottery or something but it sticks as close to reality as you can in a world with velociraptor fighting.

Reply

I always appreciate your comments, and I wanted to reply to this one, even though you gave it a while ago.

When I started writing this story, I did plan to end with a redemption, but I soon realized that with the title and the point I was trying to convey, a redemption did not fit.

I wouldn’t say that velociraptors are my favorite dinosaur, but I know they’re popular, and I think that if people did get there hands on velociraptors, someone would probably want to make them fight.

Xavier can win his bets because he understands animal behavior. He predicts a win by watching and evaluating the dinosaur’s behavior before the fight. A confident animal is a potential winner. An anxious animal is a potential loser. Anxious, unconfident animals make mistakes, for psychological and physical reasons.

Your take on gambling β€œnot being a conventional addiction” caught my attention. I’ve found myself thinking about it. Maybe more on that later . . .

Reply

Alex Sultan
20:51 Aug 23, 2022

Hey friend, I enjoyed reading through this one - it might be my favourite of yours so far. The whole 'go against morales to make money for family' is a great concept, and I'd say you pulled it off very well with your signature style of dinosaurs in our modern world. I'm already looking forward to the next part.

I took some notes reading through:

-I do like the premise and how you start it off, with the fighting ring. It's easy to tell Xavier is uncomfortable about it

Jona headed for a chain link fence enclosure anchored to the concrete floor, and circled it, looking for the bookmaker. -I think you should simplify the sentence structure here, no need for an additional 'and'. Something like:
Jona headed for a chain link fence enclosure anchored to the concrete floor. He circled it, looking for the bookmaker.

A second forklift approached the pen, carrying another caged velociraptor, this one a rusty red-brown - I like this line and the imagery

It looked a bit underfed, but alert, and intently focused on the far side of the pen. -I think a detailed look on how it is underfed would go a long way. Something like a ribcage beginning to show through skin, or something of the sort.

Xavier followed its line of sight, and saw the opponent animal.  -I think 'Opposing' would flow better than 'opponent' here

It was covered in scars. -Another sentence showing the scars would work well with the imagery.
>
Scars covered its body. A patched up cut down its right eye.
Something like that.

The brown shifted uneasily, until someone jabbed it with a prod of some kind, -I'd cut 'of some kind', and be specific instead. Make us feel bad for the dinosaur. Horrible, even. It could be an eletric prod, crackling with electricity. Or a sharp/spiked prod. Something like that.

-I like how you structured the action scene between the two dinosaurs

Xavier crammed the wad of cash as far down into his pocket as it would go.  -this paragraph was my favourite part

The smell of (the/a) hospital would be stuck in his nose for hours. Even Dad smelled like (the) hospital. -I think adding a determiner would have this flow better

β€œI love you, son. You’re doing a really good job.” -heartfelt moment, but I'd look for a stronger set of words than 'really good'. Excellent or great.

He didn’t let himself see the injured, losing animals with mangled limbs dripping blood. Or the starving hatchlings eaten by their litter mates. -great detail. I really like how graphic you wrote this - it shows how awful this place is

His family needed money. - I do like the last line, but I'd add a conjunction to it for the flow of it. Something like:
Yet, his family needed money.

I hope you're well!

Reply

Hi Alex!
Thank you so much for reading, and your detailed feedback. I really appreciate it.

I'm glad you enjoyed this, and it means a lot to me that this may be your favorite out of what I've written.

I forcefully applied the 'kill your darlings' technique when I self edited, which I hadn't previously used. I evaluated almost every sentence, and found a lot of unnecessary stuff which I deleted. I personally think this came out as my least-cluttered story, and I know it has my lowest for-Reedsy word count ever.

The edits you gave are really good. I'm going to use some of them in my personal version, and I would have put them on here if it hadn't locked first.

I thought about putting in more descriptions concerning the raptor emaciation and scars, and the prod, but worried that I was the only person who would want to read about those details. Next time I'll go with my gut, and more description.

I like the word choices you brought up, 'opposing' would have been better than 'opponent'.
I also agree about using something stronger than 'really good' from Xavier's dad.

I'm happy you liked the paragraph about Xavier cramming the wad of cash as far down as it would go. I really like that one, too, as well as the following paragraph.

I wasn't sure how people would take the last part about nasty things Xavier tried not to look at, but I felt it was important to give images.

I pray you are well, and that your novel is going well.

Reply

Feedback and critiques are much appreciated.

If you're interested in more urban fantasy involving dinosaurs in our modern world, take a look at my stories Tour Guide, New Arrival, and Nomenclature. You might recognize someone from this story . . .

Link to Tour Guide, the first story in the Dinosaur Conservation and Rescue League series:
https://blog.reedsy.com/short-story/o1w8mr/

Reply

TJ Squared
04:19 Aug 21, 2022

Wow. That’s an interesting idea, and an interesting way to get income at the cost of blood. I like how you made Xavier feel guilty every time he thought about where the money came from; he should feel guilty too!
Really interesting one!

Reply

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