Loss

Nerium didn’t like going around in his human disguise. It kept some of his features, like his strong sense of smell and pointy teeth. But that wasn’t always a good thing. For example, there were some very strong scents in the mortal realm, that could be a little overwhelming. They’d passed a man selling soap, and all the scents melded together into a mess so strong, it felt like he was eating the soap. Although, he supposed that was better than smelling the humans who didn’t use it.

Also, his skin felt too small for his bones, his face pushing out farther than most human’s seemed to, his bottom jaw jutting out a bit compared to his upper one. He had no tail in this form, and was supposed to walk around with all his weight on two legs instead of four. And that was only the immediate changes, and not long-term changes, if he stayed like this. He’d need to eat. The ground pulled him down firmly wherever he went, with none of the open spaces of the dragon realm.

And then there was Shonza. She’d dropped from six limbs to four.

Nerium’s own missing wings weren’t obvious in this form. But the scars on his back were still there, hidden under the shirt, and he moved carefully to avoid causing any pain there.

“We could have gone as dragons,” Nerium suggested under his breath.

He struggled a bit, getting the words out. At home, dragons didn’t need to move their lips to speak. And their voices came from everywhere, not just the source of their mouth. Nerium didn’t know if he had trouble because his mouth was an unusual shape, or because he wasn’t used to speaking this way.

Shonza snorted. “And get attacked on sight by some adventurer because we’re dangerous magical beasts? Besides. That would make it harder to have tea.”

Both of these things were true. And they didn’t have to be. Shonza said they were going as humans. What Shonza said, was how it would be. He owed her more than he could ever repay.

They reached the tea house where they would meet their human friend, Nakara. It had outdoor seating. Nakara was sitting at the edge. The outside space was small enough they wouldn’t get lost in the crowd, and empty enough they wouldn’t have to worry about their conversation sounding insane. (Well, that wasn’t a big worry for him and Shonza. It might be for Nakara. She was human. She lived here.)

Nakara smiled when she saw them. She stood up and waved them over, a few humans glancing her direction as she did so.

Nerium knew Nakara was supposed to be beautiful by human standards. He saw the looks some people gave her, and he’d been told flat out the last time they’d met. But, well, Shonza thought humans looked awfully squishy. Like a salamander. Nerium just thought they looked weirdly naked. Yes, they had clothes. But they had no scales or feathers, and very little hair. So no human was going to be appealing to either dragon.

They took a seat. As Nakara sat, she put her hands on the table, and accidentally put too much weight on it. The whole thing tipped. Luckily, it didn’t crash to the ground, and they didn’t have any tea yet.

They talked a bit, mostly Nakara and Shonza catching up. The two had met when Shonza was trapped in the mortal realm.

Tea arrived in a pot, with three small cups to pour it in. The pot and cups all had decorative dragons on them. Serpent like dragons though, not the bulkier shapes he and Shonza were. He still looked at Nakara when the tea arrived, cocking his head.

Nakara smiled, teeth hidden behind her lips. Nerium didn’t know enough about human body language to interpret much from that.

Nerium had never tried tea before. He was a dragon. He didn’t need to eat or drink in the dragon realm.

The scent of the tea was also strong. He held his breath while he drank, so he could actually taste it instead of inhaling fumes. It was interesting. He liked the heat, and the taste. But it left a funny feeling in his mouth afterward, like something was coating the roof of his mouth and teeth. He drank more.

He swatted a bug that tried to come near, pulling his lips back and bearing his teeth. He knew they were still at least a little pointy, but the insect didn’t seem capable of understanding.

“It’s lucky I can’t spit acid at it,” Nerium said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Nakara said, leaning on the table hard enough for it to wobble again. “Shonza can’t breath fire here, but her breath is hot enough people pull back. You might have something.”

“Oh yes, just what everyone fears. Hot breath,” Nerium said sarcastically.

As soon as he said it, he was worried Shonza might take it badly. But she chuckled into her tea and that was that.

Then, Shonza left them. She said she was going to be gone briefly, meeting someone else here to discuss matters in the dragon realm. But Nerium thought that might take a while, and here he was, alone with Nakara.

“So, how are you, Nerium?” she asked.

He was a bit confused. Hadn’t she asked them both when they arrived? “Fine. And my back’s not giving me any problems, if that’s what you’re worried about. You did a good job healing it.”

“Nerium.”

Oh. Oh now he understood, from that tone.

Nerium hissed out a breath through his teeth. “I’m fine Nakara. And you should stop asking.”

“See, answering like that makes me think you’re not fine.”

Nerium’s lip curled back a little. “And why should I be fine? I betrayed Shonza.” He was speaking quieter now. “I got her family killed.”

Shonza used to have two parents, and four siblings. They were gone now. Dead.

A dragon had asked Nerium for a way into the royal caverns. Nerium had given her one, had shown up to make sure she could find it. She’d come with some backup.

He could claim ignorance. That he didn’t know what they were planning to do. But he’d known it was something nefarious. There was no way anyone would ask about breaking in like that if it wasn't.

He could claim there wasn’t anything he could’ve done after. One of the dragons had slammed him out of the way, making him hit the cavern wall so hard he saw spots. But he didn’t fall unconscious. He could’ve gotten back up.

Nerium had known Shonza and her siblings. He’d grown jealous of them. Resentful enough to, at best, be willfully ignorant. He’d known those five growing up, was about the same age as them. That night, he’d seen the bodies of the other four.

He dug his hands into his pant legs. His nails were still sharp enough they were leaving marks through the pants.

“Maybe that’s why she trusts you,” Nakara said, breaking him from his spiraling thoughts.

He gaped back up at her, hands relaxing. “Excuse me?”

Nakara raised and dropped her shoulders in a gesture Nerium didn’t understand. “She keeps you close. That’s not something she does for many people. You did one of the worst things you could’ve done with that betrayal. But you didn’t stay there. The others, who killed her family, I’m sure they would’ve been glad to keep you around. Yet you didn’t stay with them. You didn’t run off and hide either. Which I’m sure would be the appealing option for a lot of people. You helped Shonza when she came back, and told her the truth, even if she already suspected. You opened yourself up for her to do anything in return, even kill you. She knows you won’t betray her, because you did once, and know with certainty you don’t want to. She knows you already put so much of your trust into her.”

Okay, he could see her logic, but he had to thoroughly reject it. “I think you’ve got the wrong idea,” he said. His voice was still quiet, and close to a growl. “Shonza doesn’t trust me, nor should she. I betrayed her out of resentment once, and I have plenty to resent her for now, if I chose. I think she keeps me close for any signs I’ll hurt her again.”

Nakara looked at him for a long moment. Nerium still had trouble understanding human body language, but he understood tone. And he would guess if she wasn’t talking, she knew she couldn’t refute him.

Finally, Nakara sighed. “Maybe. That sounds a bit like something she would do. But. For what it’s worth. I don’t believe you’d do something like that again. You can’t change the past, and you’re already doing what you can in the present. Don’t forget. But you don’t have to drag yourself through shame and self-flagellation all the time.”

***

Shonza and Nerium returned to the dragon realm. And their dragon forms. Nerium grew, body shifting so he was on four legs again. His teeth no longer felt cramped in his mouth. His dark green scales were back.

Beside him, Shonza went through a similar transformation, though her wings also burst out on either side of her, like they’d been tied to her body for a while. The skin of her wings were a bright red, unlike the scales, that had darkened with age.

“Well, that was fun,” Shonza said. Her mouth didn’t move, but her voice carried throughout the cavern, and it came out clearer than in the mortal world, where it turned rough from her mouth and vocals.

“Yes,” Nerium agreed.

“That’s it for me today,” Shonza said. “You don’t have to stick around.”

Nerium nodded, turning to the exit of the cavern. Behind him, he could peer out of the rock. This cavern was floating, in a seemingly endless sky. Several other islands floated around. Some of them were caves or mountains like this one. Others had grass and trees on them, or even lakes and rivers. There were different sizes, and ones above and below.

Nerium leapt into the air, going higher and faster than natural. He was eventually pulled back down though, landing gracefully on the nearest island.

***

“He’s got no wings.”

“Lots of dragons don’t have wings.”

“You know that’s not the case for him. That’s not natural. That’s. . .”

Nerium rounded the corner, and the two dragons whispering about him quieted down. They were both young, their red and orange scales much brighter than an adult’s.

He walked past them, staring straight ahead like he didn’t know they were gossiping. He saw their expressions out of the corner of his eyes as he passed. One looked a little nervous, probably worried he’d say something about the whispering. The other looked less concerned. He saw them stare at his back as he passed.

Yes, his wings had been ripped off, and it was not subtle. The skin was sealed, but lumpy, and scales didn’t grow in that area very well.

Shonza had ripped them off when she knew what he’d done. Almost no one knew that for certain that she’d done that, or why, but both were obvious to guess. He could advertise that he’d given her good reason to make her very angry forever. And that was fine. He had.