The Closet

Lilah Martins hated spring. She knew it made her weird. Eccentric. Some people even called her mad. After all, what was there to hate? Beautiful flowers blooming all around, the entire country bursting into colour in a matter of a few days, the temperature not too hot and not too cold (just right, in the everlasting words of Goldilocks). Lilah got all that. Admired the beauty, even. But she still hated the season. She much preferred the fierce beauty of winter, its cold perfection, the exquisite uniqueness of snowflakes, and ice-skating. And her favourite thing ever was to cuddle up in her cosy Harry Potter blankie with Duke, her adorable golden retriever, and a cup of delectable hot chocolate (her eldest brother Andrew’s patented recipe).

The fact that Christmas was the only festival her entire family managed to get together didn’t hurt. Lilah and her four big brothers all had busy jobs, and Christmas was the only time they all got a reprieve. They all worked far from their little home in Wales; in different corners of England, in fact. All her married brothers brought along their wives and their adorable children, too, and Lilah loved being the awesome aunt, spoiling her nieces and nephews to death. They were one big happy family during Christmas, their parents’ home becoming squished and messy in the best of ways. And yes, they did remind Lilah of the Weasleys from her favourite series, complete with her Ma’s hand-knitted Christmas sweaters. She loved building snowmen with the kids and making snow angels in her backyard, and teaching the kids how to ski.

She never liked it when the New Year finally rolled in, everyone saying tearful farewells and going away to different corners of the country knowing it would be a full year before they could all be together again. She never really liked going home after Christmas either, but at least she had the comforting thought of less work to look forward to. After all, clients celebrated Christmas too, meaning less work for Lilah, which she, a certified sloth, definitely relished. But that all ended with the first whiff of spring. Like clockwork, her bosses at the IT consulting firm she worked at piled bucketloads of work on her as soon as the snow started melting. She liked it even less that ice skating and skiing, her two favourite sports, were closed to her until the snow came along next year.

But this year, she hated spring even more than usual. You see, she had made a commitment to herself. A commitment she had regrettably conveyed to the most important person in her life. Something she was dragging her feet around for close to a year now. Because this year, unlike every year previous, she’d had a significant other to take home for Christmas. But she hadn’t done it, because she was a coward. She hadn’t told her family of this momentous development in her life. She hadn’t even told her closest brother Zach, whom she told everything else. Why? Because her soulmate, the love of her life, the one she wanted to marry, was a girl.

She had no illusions about her family. She loved them to bits, but they were from a small town. Her brothers would probably resist a little bit and then accept Samantha into their family quickly enough. They were all working in big cities, exposed to the more accepting populace. In fact, Zach’s best friend was gay. But her parents were from another generation. A less tolerant one, one which didn’t approve of such relationships. Not to mention they had always lived in that small town of theirs. Lilah didn’t know for sure how they would react. She had never brought up such topics in front of them; she’d never had the guts.

She had meant to tell them before Christmas, she really had. But Zach, the cretin, had stolen her thunder. He had finally plucked up the courage to propose to his childhood sweetheart and one of my closest friends, Maddie. Both families were, of course, thrilled. It was a beautiful winter wedding in their idyllic village church. Lilah and her brothers stayed around after that, only leaving after the New Year. But still, all the cheer of Zach and Maddie doing just what both families had been rooting for, for ages made it exactly the wrong atmosphere for Lilah to pour her heart out. Drat the fellow. But it was her fault, too. She had been dating Samantha for more than a year. They’d been friends for longer than that. In fact, her parents knew Samantha. They hadn’t met her, but they’d spoken to her on video call a few times.

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? They knew Sam as Lilah’s eccentric neighbour with a great sense of humour, the girl who made amazing cakes, the caring friend who brought over soup when Lilah got sick. They didn’t know her as Samantha, the amazing woman whose vivacious attitude had attracted Lilah, the silver-tongued devil who had got her own conservative parents to accept her queerness, the fierce voice for LGBTQ rights, the love of Lilah’s life. And unlike her girlfriend – no, fiancé; they had decided to dive into marriage a month or so ago – Lilah wasn’t bold or clever with words. She didn’t think her parents would be able to change their worldview so drastically as to accept the relationship. So she had stayed firmly in the closet until now.

She’d been building up her courage to let the cat out of the bag, and she’d felt ready to do it by Christmas, with her (hopefully) more accepting brothers there for moral support. But Zach had spoiled all of that. Not to mention all the wedding cheer had brought the spotlight on Lilah.

“Your elder brothers are all settled now, Lilah; when will we hear the happy news from you?”

“You’re the only one left to get married now, dear. Find a nice man to settle down with soon!”

And the worst, “You’re not getting any younger, dear. You’re already 25.”

Relatives were the absolute worst, but she’d never bothered about their pushy comments. But this time, her parents had joined in, “We can’t wait to have our family truly complete when you get married. And you’re so good with kids, too!”

The not-so-subtle entreaty for more grandkids was the last straw. Lilah’s nerve had already been questionable, but now? How could she tell her eager parents that she couldn’t have kids? She was happy for her brother, really, she was, but she couldn’t stand all the badgering. Why did he have to go and announce his happy news before she could break the news to them? If he’d waited just a few more days, she could have safely told them all the entire story, and Zach could have taken the spotlight off her by making his announcement. Of course, in his defence, he hadn’t known. Maybe Lilah should have confided in him first.

“Lilah! LILAHHH!” Samantha’s usually soft voice screaming her name jarred Lilah out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“I rang your doorbell five times, banged on your door twice and then used my keys to get in! And I’ve been calling your name for the past God knows how long! What’s wrong? I thought you were having a fit or something, staring off into space like that.” Oh. Samantha sounded livid.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, Sam. I was just bracing myself for the task before me today.”

“Oh, please. Your parents love you. Don’t sound like you’re going to your death. They’re not even half as conservative as my parents, and we survived outing our secret to them, didn’t we?”

Lilah’s fiancé was a little too blasé about the whole situation. She understood that Lilah didn’t have as much gumption as herself, but she’d been insisting that Lilah’s Ma and Da would be perfectly fine with the whole I’m a lesbian and I have a fiancé thing, not to mention the whole no kids issue. Lilah disagreed, of course. But that didn’t matter. It was time to out the secret.

Today was the day Lilah had promised to out her secret to her parents. Sam had sulked for two weeks straight when Lilah had returned after Christmas with her family without the good news of her parents being okay with everything, and then promptly proposed. So now Lilah was stuck. She’d had no choice but to promise to introduce her parents to her fiancé, and give a fixed timeline for it too. She’d still succeeded in being vague; the first day of spring was not really a fixed time at all. But the day was here. It was more obvious than ever this year, the burst of colours outside her window filling her with dread, but she couldn’t chicken out. After all, what could be the reason Sam was banging on her door on a Sunday morning?

“Okay, fine. I’ll do it. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it, Sam?”

Sam didn’t even have the decency to pretend guilt. She looked smug, the little wretch. “Of course I am. You think I’m going to let you get out of this again?”

She picked up her phone and dialled. Her heart thudded. “I can’t do this!”

“Can’t do what, dear?” her mother’s voice made her jump. So there was no getting out of it, then.

“Ma, can you put Da on the line, too? I have something important to tell you both.”

“You’re getting married, aren’t you? I knew it.” Ma’s delight was palpable. Lilah could just imagine her jumping about, announcing to everyone, “My only daughter is finally getting married!”

Lilah almost hung up, then. How would Ma react when she realised whom Lilah had found? The terror came back, tenfold. But she wouldn’t back out. She wouldn’t. Sam had told her parents. Lilah could handle Ma and Da. And if their disappointment became too much to handle, she’d sic Sam on them.

“Who’s the lucky one, Lil? Tell us!” Da also sounded so happy!

“Ah, well…actually, you see…”

“Oh, put her out of her misery, dear. Lilah, it’s that lovely girl, isn’t it? The one who called us so nicely when you were sick?” said Ma.

WHAT? They knew? How could that be possible? And they still didn’t sound upset at all! Shock and joy coursed through Lilah, but mostly shock.

“Oh, stop gaping like a goldfish, darling. Didn’t I tell you they’d be fine with it? Mr. Martins, Mrs. Martins, I’m so glad you’re fine with all this! I knew you’d accept our relationship, but I didn’t realise you’d know!”

“Of course we knew. And my dear daughter, how could you think so little of us? We’re okay with Zach’s gay friend (yes, we know he’s gay). Why wouldn’t we be okay with you?” said Da.

Willing her brain to string up a few words, Lilah said, “Ah. Th-thank you.” Obviously, she was still speechless.

“Don’t think you can get out of telling your brothers, dear. They’ll be livid you didn’t tell them, especially Zach.”

Leave it to Ma to put things into perspective. She’d never hear the end of this from her brothers.

Oh, how Lilah hated spring.