A Broken Oar

It was the start of a new semester in college. I was an English major and in my third year of a four year degree. The previous spring when I was filling out the course application the director of the English Faculty had brought me into her office to discuss choices.

“David, you need to take at least one modern English class.”

I loved Shakespeare and the Romantics and Chaucer.  

“Sure, if you think it is the right path to take.”

“Absolutely and I know just the course for you.”

She would never steer me wrong right?

I didn’t realize the she was just trying to fill seats in.

The class was Women in Literature and I would later learn that most of the girls had signed up for the course in order to be together. The last thing they wanted was a boy in their class.

So the first day of the new term, I sauntered in thinking that it was going to be a socially engaging environment. I figured there would be a couple of feminists and I was okay with that.  

I walked in and the glares were a little uncomfortable. Now, as a guy in a program that was predominantly riddle with females, there was always at least three or four guys in each class. 

I sat down amid the hostile and annoyed looks and kept my head down. The room slowly filled and I was hoping for just one guy. I didn’t even care if it was somebody I didn’t like. Just one male, anyone and every time someone walked in my hopes would rise only to check off another female.

All the seats were taken up and the prof walked in.  There were twenty-five girls in that class and even the teacher was a woman. I was the only guy. Of course, there would have been lots of males that would have dreamt to be in such a situation. You know the type, those that think they are God’s gift to women and schmooze with them but don’t respect females.

The Prof, Ms. Jensen was a thirty something English brain with a deep and severe hatred for men. As I later found out, she had suffered through a bitter divorce and decided that all males were complete jerks.

At the end of the class, she smiled at everyone and said: “Ladies, make sure you; do your reading.”  

Did I look like a lady? Of course, all the girls snickered.

Nobody talked to me and didn’t even look my way with half a smile. Their looks were mostly one of disgust and disappointment and anger.

I was like a guy in a boat in the middle of a rough lake with a broken oar.

The second class wasn’t much better. One of the girls, Beth, a blond, chubby girl, a little shy, had brought in a plate of fudge. I was not offered a piece and everyone had one including the prof.

At the end of the class, she smiled at everyone and announced: “Remember, ladies make sure you do your reading.”

There was snickering and hands over mouths. I said nothing.

The third class was much the same and this time there were cookies. They looked super delicious, but I was not offered any and was too shy to just take one.

It was three weeks into the term. Things had not improved. In fact, they had gotten worse. The girl that sat next to me, Sandra, was a very attractive and witty brunette, super stylish with a purple beret tilted on her head just so. She had looked at me the previous class and hissed at me: “What are you doing here this is a girl’s class?”

The ringleader of the class was Melissa. She was very bright, very beautiful and very opinionated. There was a girl named Stephanie that was cold as ice. Colleen was a very cute little redhead with a dynamite smile and astonishing figure. Theresa had dark curly hair and a winning smile. By the end of the third week, I knew every girl’s name in class through just sitting there and listening.

On this Monday morning, Melissa came in and looked disturbed.

“I can’t believe that the loser I was dating cheated on me.”

She carried on for a couple of minutes and everyone was forced to listen.

I shook my head.

“Why are you shaking your head?” Stephanie blurted with coldness in those blue eyes and heart that was chilling.

“I didn’t shake my head.”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“No-

“Why were you shaking your head?” It was Melissa and she wanted an answer.

“Cause I find it -— hard to believe - I am not saying that you are lying —- that a guy would cheat on you. Obviously, you seem like a real winner. Look, I lived in Glendale Hall, the all-male residence for a couple of years and know at least fifty guys that would love to date you.”

“Is that right?”

“It is. And like I’ve said to many, many girls before always remember that women are not sex objects.”

The girls all looked at each other a little stunned. They weren’t giggling. They weren’t being rude or snickering;

“Can you repeat that, please?”

“Girls, females, women are not sex objects. Oh, you can be lots of things like pretty, beautiful, nice looking, hotties, gorgeous and even sexy. But you aren’t sex objects. You are humans with a brain, a personality, abilities, skills and likes and dislikes.”

“Okay.”  

I had them in the palm of my hand.

“As for the guy that was cheating on you well he is a moron. I will give you ladies one piece of advice and you can take it or not. Always remember that if you’re with a guy and he doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated then give the bum his walking papers. There is lots of fish in the sea.”

“What is your name?”

“My name is Dave.”

“My name is Melissa.”

“I know.”

“Oh, great a know-it-all,” spouted off Stephanie.

“I know everyone’s name in class.”

“You do?”

They all looked at my; a classroom full of disbelievers. 

I sighed. “Okay, here goes: Melissa, Beth, Karen, Donna, Stephanie, Colleen, Deborah, Jennifer, Allison, Gina, Barbara, Kellie, Rosemary, Evangeline, Cora, Farrah, Mandy, Louise, Holly, Hailey, Ingrid, Laurie, Taylor and Sandra.” There are two girls missing today, Theresa with the dark curly hair and Kellie the tall blonde with green eyes. Is there anything else you want to know?”

They were beyond stunned. The prof walked in and everyone had nothing to say. All through class, they took turns staring at me for only a brief second and then turning away.

When the prof uttered her usual insulting line nobody snickered. Melissa and a couple of the others looked very uncomfortable.

The next class, I walked in and a few of them were already there.

Beth had brought some brownies and they looked delicious.

Melissa smiled at me and I tried to smile back.

“Hi, Dave, how are you today?”

“I am good, thanks for asking. How are you today, Melissa and the rest of you?”

They all nodded their head and there might have been one or two smiles. Everyone was still trying to figure me out.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, ask away.”

“Why are you in this class?”

“Because the director called me into the office and told me that I had to take a modern English since I didn’t have one. She claimed that this was a great class and not knowing any better, I signed up for it. As it turned out, I think that she was just trying to fill in seats.”

“Dave, since you’ve been missing out on all the goodies, I want you to go first today.” Beth smiled at me.

“Well, that is very nice, but ladies first.”

“He’s a gentleman,” exclaimed Colleen.

“I guess so.”

“I insist that you take the first brownie.”

“Okay.” I took one bite out of it and it was simply heaven. “This is delicious.”

“Thank you.”

Over the course of the next few classes, I started to win them over. The only holdout was Stephanie. Every day, Melissa would look at me and smile.  

“Dave, can I ask you a question?”

All the girls sighed after this happened a few times.

One morning, she asked me: “If you could marry any girl in class — including the Prof — who would you marry?”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I would form my own religion and marry all of you.”

The girl’s all laughed.

“Even me?” Stephanie challenged.

“Absolutely because we might fight like cats and dogs, but the makeup sex would be great.”

There was a hush that filled the room. I later found out that you didn’t talk to her that way. She had no problem ripping someone’s face off if they said something she didn’t like. The girl was a shrew.

She burst out laughing and shook her head. “You little monkey.”

Just then the Prof walked in and I was saved.

The Prof continued to make that annoying comment at the end of class: “Ladies, make sure you do your reading.”

Then one day, she smiled at everyone and there was a strain on her face. “Ladies and our one gentleman, don’t forget to do your reading.”

Melissa winked at me. What I didn’t know was that a few of them had gone to the prof and told her that it wasn’t fair and very sexist for her to say that every day.

Stephanie was super beautiful girl. I was walking to class one day and she had sone guy pinned against the wall and was just screaming in his face. She didn’t like to be hit on every five minutes. Obviously, he had pissed her off.

The guy looked at me pathetically and I just kept walking.

I entered the classroom and sat down. I looked at Melissa and she didn’t know what to say or do. You could hear Stephanie screaming through the door.

“Okay, everyone, I don’t know her that well, so when she comes in, nobody say anything.”

Stephanie marched in and cranked the door shut. I was surprised the window didn’t break. Then she walked up to her seat and even though we all knew that it was going to happen, the girl slammed her backpack on the table and everyone jumped.

Her face was flush and the anger in her eyes was like an approaching storm.

“Why is every guy in this school (a string of obscenities)”

I looked at my shoes.

Thirty-seconds went by and then she looked at me and tilted her head sideways. “Oh, everyone but you I guess.”

Everyone burst out laughing nervously.

“Oh, shut up, people.”

Everyone shut up.

It made me feel better.

By the time Christmas rolled around, I had grown close to Melissa, Sandra and a few others.  

One day, Melissa looked very stressed out.

“She doesn’t have anywhere to go for Christmas?”

“Who doesn’t have anywhere to go for Christmas?”

“Stephanie. I can’t go home and have a great time knowing that she doesn’t have family to go to. My heart doesn’t work that way. There has to be something we can do.”

“Give me a couple of days and I will think of something.”

A couple of days later, I smiled at Melissa.

“Okay, you go home for Christmas break and then about three or four days before the big day, you come back with your parents. You tell, Stephanie that you are going to take her back to your place for the Christmas holidays. If she says no, then you tell her she has to say no to your parents. She won’t do it.”

Melissa and Sandra looked at me and smiled.

And that is exactly what she did. Stephanie was steamed, but couldn’t say no to Melissa’s parents. The pair wanted in the van, while Stephanie was throwing a bag of clothes together.

“I don’t need anyone’s charity. I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. It isn’t my first Christmas that I would spend by myself.”

Melissa looked down and said nothing.

Stephanie stopped and her glare blazed a hold through Melissa.

“You didn’t think of this, Melissa. You are not that clever.”

“Yes, I did,” she said in a tiny little girl voice.

“No, and don’t lie to me. You had help. I know who it was, it was that little monkey.”

“No, Dave had nothing to do with this.”

“If you say so, Melissa, but you know that I am right? I will deal with him when classes resume.”

The last class, every girl had given me some goodies to eat. I was so touched and felt a little cheap because I had nothing for them.

After Christmas break, I was living in a student housing complex and Stephanie dropped by unannounced. Once inside, she looked stern, unforgiving.

“Okay, drop your pants.”

“Excuse me? How did you get in here?”

“I smiled at some guy.  Drop your pants you’re getting a spanking.”

“Why?”

“Because you told Melissa how to get me to her place for Christmas.”

I couldn’t lie to the girl.

The thing was, I wasn’t a huge male and she was bigger than me and admittedly tougher. She wouldn’t have had a lot of trouble pulling my pants down and spanking me.

“Let’s go. Don’t worry, it’s nothing I haven’t seen anything before.”

She grabbed my arm.

“Stephanie, did you have a good time?”

I thought she was going to cry.

“Yes, but it isn’t any of your business what I do.”

“I never said it was. I was just trying to help out Melissa.”

“Keep your nose out of my business from now on.”

She left and I sighed.

I could go on, but I will stop there. It was the greatest class I ever had. The girls were wonderful and I felt they generally loved me. Years later, as we all approach retirement, I am still in contact with a bunch of the girls including Melissa, Stephanie, Beth, Sandra, Colleen, Gina and Theresa.  

I figured I did very well for a guy that was in a group of people that was not very welcoming to a new face in their midst.