My Father's Words

“When life throws you crackers, you have to deal with the crumbs.”

Straight from my father’s lips to my inner soul, I never understood the meaning of those words until now. He first said them to me on the banks of the Tygart Valley River on a cool summer morning just before the humid heat had a chance to bake the day. The fish weren’t biting, and I remember icy daggers stabbing my heart. Somehow, he knew how I felt.

“It’s okay,” he would say. “It’s not about the fish.” 

I remember those long walks home after a hectic day at Jennings Randolph Elementary School. I was afraid to walk alone, so my father would wait outside by the rusted steel fence and lead the way. The Hartleys were a group of delinquent degenerates who liked to take their frustrations out on me. They lived two blocks from my house, and in those days, the buses didn’t drop you off at the front door. Nope. You were dropped off at a designated spot and had to walk the rest of the way.

No one bothered me when my father walked by my side. He had broad shoulders and callused hands from thirty-five years of working at the lumber mill. He stacked lumber before the sun came up and was proud of what he did. He told me how he had to quit school when he was younger to take care of his ailing parents and how proud he was of me. 

When the wind blew a certain direction through the weeping willow trees hiding the school’s view, he said, “There’s nothing wrong with an honest living.”

My first crush came in the sixth grade. Her name was Jenny. She had red hair, green eyes, and patches of freckles sprinkled throughout her skin. She wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. She was the first to dive into the dirt when a school project came along. I found her intimidating, to say the least.

“Don’t be afraid to follow your heart, and always remember to be yourself.”

It was a phrase so simple, sweet, and true. How did I not think of that? My father always knew what to say. He had the answer to everything. His words gave me the courage to ask Jenny out to The Cinema Six, and while she said no, we became good friends throughout the rest of the school year. She and her family ended up moving to the city. A far cry from the small rural town of Elkins. I wonder how she’s doing. 

During my rebellious years in middle school, I fell in with the wrong crowd and tried to distance myself from my parents. I felt smothered by their love and wanted to experience true freedom. I didn’t get into drugs or alcohol like all the other kids, but I had an angry streak. I was mad at the whole world.

One night, when I was sneaking out of the house to go to a party, I overheard my father tell my weeping mother something I’ll never forget. His words cut like a hot knife through butter.

“He’s a good boy trying to figure out who he is. We’ve all been through a time where we try to find our place in this crazy world, and I know he’ll find his way.”

He was right, though. I did find my way….

I remember having trouble in high school and not wanting to go because I thought the classes were boring. After my father talked to my teachers, they concluded that I was smarter than I was letting on. The assignments were too easy, and after some testing, I found myself sitting in honors classes.

“Sometimes you don’t know what you’re capable of until the opportunity presents itself.”

Once again, my father’s words held true.

My first job was working at Coalton Elementary School, mowing the grass in the summer of ‘96. It was a small rural school about thirty minutes outside of Elkins. I was surrounded by well-to-do boys who were no strangers to hard work. Some of them looked like they ate whole cows for dinner. I wanted to…no…I needed to prove my worth. I wanted to show them that I could fit in. Once again, my father’s words rang true.

“You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Just do the best you can and mind your manners. Your will and determination will do the rest.”

According to our supervisor, Jim Triplet, I proved I belonged and became the best worker in the bunch. I was so good he gave me his highest recommendation for another job working in a cornfield, where I made an extra five hundred dollars before my senior year started!

On my high school graduation day, I remember the fireworks exploding in my gut. It was the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. The first natural step into manhood, as they say. I didn’t know what the world had in store for me. Heck, I didn’t even know if I wanted to go to college. Attending a university was a big deal in those days, and most people couldn’t afford it.

“Don’t be afraid to spread your wings and fly. The world is an ocean of opportunities. If you’re brave enough to cast your fishing line out there, you might be surprised at what you reel in.”

My father was right, of course. After graduation, I decided to get a business degree, so I took a year off and worked in the retail industry. I wanted to pay my own way through college. I worked hard and reeled in that diploma! I’ll never forget the look in my father’s eyes!

If my mother hadn’t lost her battle with cancer a few months earlier, I know she would have been proud of me. I know because my father told me.

“Her love is all around you. Even if you can’t see her, she’s there…smiling on your shoulder. She loved you with all her heart, and so do I.”

I wept in silence that night….

When I started my own pet store, I met the love of my life when a beautiful girl from Southeast Asia walked into the store and wanted help picking out a puppy. She had a funny accent that made my heart swoon, and the way her cocoa eyes fluttered when I looked at her gave me chills like a thousand ice cubs sliding down my spine. I knew right away that she was the one.

I thought I missed my chance to ask her out that day because I was so mesmerized by the sheen of her black hair and radiant skin. I was utterly speechless. She must have thought I was a fool. After buying a toy poodle she gave me the most stunning smile I had ever seen and was gone.

When I talked to my father that night, he told me, “Sometimes great things happen all at once, and it’s always when you least expect them.”

Luckily, my dream girl returned the next day because she needed more puppy food. I cast my line into the great unknown and asked her out for dinner. Without hesitation, she said yes!

My father actually cried at our wedding! It was only the second time I had seen that. The first was when my mother passed…. 

When our baby girl was born a few years later, I was excited and nervous at the same time. My emotions were like two tornados spinning in different directions, coming together as one. How can something so tiny and innocent belong to me and my stunning wife? I was instantly flooded with worry and doubt about this new responsibility. It was like having the weight of the world on my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. All I knew was that I loved her very much.

Somehow, my father knew what I was feeling. I suppose that’s the true mark of a parent who loves their kid.

“They grow so fast, my son, and so will your love. There will be good times and hard times, but as long as you stay true to that love, you can never go wrong. None of us actually know what we’re doing. We try to use our common sense and do the best we can. There are no instructions or blueprints when it comes to life. Just love.”  

As I sit here at my father’s funeral with bloodshot eyes surrounded by a wide assortment of colorful flowers and my wife’s arms pulling me close for a warm embrace, I realize that my father was wrong. While life doesn’t explicitly come with instructions, he wrote them perfectly. My parents set the best example of how to live an extraordinary life with love and happiness. And as I look into my daughter’s hazel eyes, I wonder… What more could anyone ask or need out of life?

My eyes wander like a helpless hound dog searching for a lost bone, and I see a mixture of smiles and tears. I never knew my father had touched so many lives over the years, just like my mother did!

I miss him dearly, but I know he’s with my mother, smiling on my family’s shoulders….

So, what did my father mean by: “When life throws you crackers, you have to deal with the crumbs.”

I guess I’ve been in denial all these years…but I finally know….

No matter how hard life gets, small pieces of happiness are always left behind. It’s up to all of us to gather those crumbs and make the most out of them.

His words…my father’s words…will live on forever.