LIFE

Authors note:

hey I am not used to writing notes before the story but this one is my favorite one so far. And yes please don’t judge me by this story. And yeah I would love to know what you guys think of this story.

Hope you guys like this one.

16/ 12/ 20

Hey diary,

I am not at all in a good mood so please don’t expect any pleasant things from me. Yes, I am going to say a lot of shitty stuff and yeah, you have to deal with me.

Life is sometimes so so unfair. When all the troubles, woes, miseries, difficulties, problems, griefs find their way to you. And you have nowhere to go. You are stuck there surrounded by all the misfortunes making your life worse than hell. You are already broken from inside. And you just want a break from all this headache but life doesn’t want you to be happy. When everyone turns against you and you are standing amidst all this, helplessly, looking for a glint of hope but that is nowhere to be seen.

Do you get what I am trying to say? That is how I am feeling nowadays. A hopeless soul, who is in pursuit of happiness.

17/ 12/20

Hey, I am back again. Sorry that you have got such a depressed owner :(

I want to yell so so so loud, I want to wail at the top of my lungs. I want to scream until my voice dies out. I want to shriek so loud so that the whole world could hear it. Why don't they understand? I am done.I am totally fed up of this HECK life. I am fed up of E.V.E.R.Y S.I.N.G.L.E T.H.I.N.G. Every single thing that happens to me, that is part of me, that is related to me, that is connected to me, that associates with me. Everything.

18/ 12/ 20

My life is getting worse day by day, maybe depressed is a very small word for a person like me.

Seriously, I don’t have a single ounce strength left in me. I can’t bear this anymore. It’s all too much for me to endure. Why doesn’t anyone understand? Why do they just don't leave me alone? Why do they do this to me? Why can't they just stop messing up my life for once and for all? Why don’t their thick heads get this? WHY??? I AM DONE WITH! Please find someone else. Please. 

19/ 12/ 20

In the same mood or perhaps worse.

And yes, a thing i want to clear: I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. Nor anyone’s condolences, because that doesn’t mean anything to me, nothing at all. Those words do not decrease my sorrow but it increases it. So yeah I have a suggestion for those, save your breathe for others because I am not the one who would be flattered by your empty and meaningless words.

20/12/20

Badly frustrated.

One more thing, I just want to beat the hell out of that person who came rattling and then asks ‘what’s wrong?’ don’t you guys have your own problems to think about? And if you’re really concerned about us then don’t mind the rash response because that’s natural.

And if you don’t have the courage to bear that then please, a hearty request for you guys who doesn’t mind their own business: FOR GOD’S SAKE JUST LEAVE US ALONE! There are times when one needs time on their own. Ok?

21/12/20

No improvement.

I am sick of my life. Please just get over with this. And I can’t even do anything because when life gets cruel no one stands a chance.

22/12/20

About to burst.

You know when there are days you haven’t cried, you haven’t taken out your anger at anything and it starts bubbling inside your chest, just about to burst, it has no more capacity in it to take anything else, the box in your chest that gets heavier and heavier day by day, and makes you gloomier and gloomier, Making your

life forlorn. And at last when that overloaded box bursts, it is what I am feeling right now. The disastrous feelings, those hopeless thoughts are eating me from inside. One day I will be hollow from inside, emotionless.

23/12/20

Melancholic mood,

I always resisted myself from saying that why it is always me, but now really think WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME??? WHY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD? WHY?? I know there are people in this world who would be in a worse situation than me but I don’t think so that there will be a person who firstly, has to bear her mother’s loss yeah she was young at that time but what about her rest of her life? Huh? Then her father’s loss, and I know there’s no need of telling anyone their parents important and everyone knows this too that NO ONE can take the place of your parents. NO ONE. Not only this, she hasn’t even enjoyed her childhood, she doesn’t have happy memories but only dark ones, the ones where she only remember her own mothers pale and lifeless face, her thin body wrapped in white. She only remembers her father’s trembling body. And what more? I don’t want to rewind everything.

Anyway, last request to those who don’t know the value of parents, no not only parents but those who don’t know the value of the FAMILY. Believe me, without your family you are nothing. Nothing. So please try to put this in your mind that your parents, your siblings (doesn’t matter how much annoying they are) all your relations are a BLESSING to you. Realize this soon or it will be too late. This is the only thing that life has taught me.

24/12/20

Same,

I have completely lost hope. I am a miserable soul who’s in the search of light but is unsuccessful to find any. My life is like a deep dark well, where there is only pitch darkness, there is something haunting about that place and I am the victim. I am the one who is there, within it: lost, dejected, despondent and wretched. Nowhere to go. Getting drowned in the darkness and slowly being enveloped by the darkness in its murkiness and gloominess.

25/12/20

Same.

I really really think, no, this hellish life sometimes forces me to think “If death would be easier than this?”