Zombies 2.0

Submitted into Contest #60 in response to: Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.... view prompt

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Adventure Funny Drama

My eyes slid open and demonic birds chirped outside as if telling me to get ready for yet another horrible day.  I sat up, my shoulder still sore from punching the zombie yesterday. You might be wondering HUH? ZOMBIE??? Well yea. This world was already bad enough but now the universe was like, “ Ya know what? LET'S ADD SOME ZOMBIES TO THIS PLACE!” I think it started about two years ago when a guy decided to rob a building of their drinks. The building you may ask? Well before this started people said he thought it was a 8-Thirteen Slurpee company. Ha ha it was not, actually it was a high advanced laboratory for finding what was happening to people's cells that mutated. So like a weirdo he drank it and turned into a flesh eating, brainless zombie. Now when you think of a zombie apocalypse you probably think of one of those bada** movies where they go around beating up the zombies, finding new people, etc.. but in real life it's sorta lame here. The zombies here still act like people, talk like people, and do peopleish things so it’s not really different.  No one really knows what's happening in other places around the world. But in this lifeless ( ha ha get it? Lifeless… zombie?? OK fine whatever I tried. ) the town is pretty normal except when a few crazy zombies bust in here and try to turn the rest of the people into maniac zombies. Which is the reason my dam* shoulder hurts. This very annoyingly bold zombie bust in trying to bite a small innocent girl so I punched her in the face. NO NOT THE LITTLE GIRL! The zombie is the one I punched. And by the way, I am the opposite of ripped, I am a scrawny twig with no shape or muscles.

I slid off my bed cursing to myself. As I looked into the mirror I screamed. My dyed purple hair was all in one huge knot, black bags under my eyes and bruises and cuts all over. Just as I was going to go into the bathroom to try to fight my hair a loud knock came at the door. I shuffled my way out the cracked doorway stuffing a beanie I used to use when I was five. Just as I opened the door the beanie shot off my head as if saying my head was too fat and hit my friend in the face.  He slowly pried off the beanie and gave me a death glare. I gave him a helpless smile and pointed to my hair as if saying that was all he needed to know. His eyes drifted upward and he let out a loud bark of laughter but quickly stifled it. I narrowed my eyes at him and opened the door for him to come in.

“ Oh yea the reason I'm here is because I hacked into the government's information studio thing and found out the rise of maniac zombie cases have raised 20% from last month.” Akira ( my friend who my beanie slapped) 

“ Wait what?? I thought they were supposed to be going down not up…!” When one maniac zombie bites another they kind of go kooky and chase after the surviving humans. Those are the zombies we have been trying to kill. The government official had assigned a bunch of teenagers around the age of 16-19 to find the maniac zombies in the country we live in and terminate them. As you know I'm not the strongest but I got chosen because while I was talking to a kid who was in the zombie killing force a weird zombie came running up to me. Welp I got scared, screamed high pitched and somehow ripped off the arm of the zombie and bashed the zombie over the head, knocking him out. So yea that's my “heroic” tale.

He dragged his fingers through his puffy black hair “ I thought so too but they are rising here, South Korea, and California immensely.” 

“Dude use words that I know.” Yea I am not exactly the smartest girl my age but i'm not exactly scared of going into battle with nothing  so that's pretty much the reason I am still alive.

He sighed heavily and continued pretending he didn’t hear me. “ So I asked Kana, Hinata, and Rin to start preparing -”

I cut him off “ Preparing for what?”

“ I was about to say, we're going to Tokyo and see if there are some zombies we can beat up. But we can’t tell anyone else we're not supposed to go without permission but we need to.”

“ WAIT, YOU, AKIRA, IS GOING ON A TRIP WITHOUT PERMISSION??? WHAAAAT.” I teased

“ Whatever we are leaving tonight at 11 so be ready.” He stood up and walked out the door not closing it. 

“ YOU COULD CLOSE IT DUMMY!!” I stood up and slammed the door which shook the windows in the apartment. 

I walked slowly into my room and pulled a black tank top and short. As I strapped on my gun holder I looked down to a puddle that was dripping from the ceiling. I watched too many horror movies to know how this went so I quickly scooped up my pistol and ran out of my apartment running into what seems like a fleshy wall. As I peered up a creepy ass smile grinned down on me. As quick as I could I pulled out my pistol and fired. And the smoke from the gun cleared all there left was a note and a pile of ash. I gingerly opened the not reading the jagged writing.

“ Find her and don’t let her escape again… “ 

I threw the note and walked past the ash pile. I already know they were people who wanted to kill me but dang they are being very persistent. I pulled out my phone and called up Rin.

“ My man can you pick me up?” I asked

A soft yet gruff voice grunted approval and hung up

“ Welp, someone is in a grumpy mood today.” I muttered to myself as I slipped my phone into my back pocket.

A couple minutes later a huge truck with 4 foot tall wheels pulled up blasting Maria Carey out of it. 

As I hopped in, I said, “ Are you trying to revive the dead kooky zombies with this horrible music??”

“ Deal with my girl or get out and walk.” Rin pouted making him look like a sad bulldog.

I laughed but agreed and slung my backpack under my feet. 

5 hours later

We all met up at the base ready to go to Tokyo. As I munched on my chips, Akira was typing fastly and cursing at his computer.

“ Dude, save those curses for the zombie and the Zombie Man Boss not your poor computer.”  

He glared at me and continued typing but not cursing anymore. Kana walked in slinging her Katana, yea I know she uses a sword that has the same name, Kana’s real name is Katana by the way. As she walked in she wasn’t looking where she was slinging the sword and smashed open a vase filled with soil and flowers. Her eyes widened and she mouthed to not tell Hinata she did that. She quickly sheathed her sword and plopped down beside me on the couch stealing some chips. As we heard a honk from the garage we knew it was time to go. I quickly ran into the kitchen grabbing as much food and drinks I could and rushed out to the garage. Hinata slid out from under the truck, greases smudged over his face..

“ Eyyyy lemme get some of those chips Yuuki!” He said in a playful voice.

“ Get your own.” I said sicking my tongue out at him.

“ You do know this is basically my house… so those are mine.” He answered, raising his eyebrow.

“ Still... “ I coughed on the chips to prove their mine and I slid into the back seat of the truck. A moment later Rin slid into the driver's seat with Kana in the passenger. As I looked over I just realized Akira was there.

“ OH MY GOD AKIRA! YOU SCARED ME!” I screamed surprised. He tends to be very quiet at times which is why he is the assassin of the group.

He chuckled, sticking his hand into the chip bag and stuffing them into his face.

In Tokyo/ were probably gonna die

We screeched into Tokyo looking all cool until Hinata tripped trying to get out of the car and ended face planting on the asphalt.

“ HAHHAHAHAHHA!” I burst out laughing but squatted down to help him.

As I pulled him up we glanced around. The city was completely run down ( more than usual ) and window shards littered the pavement everywhere. We heard a loud screech as a small zombie hurtled toward us, black liquid dripping from his mouth. He was too close for me to pull out my gun and the others only had swords, and other weapons. Just as Rin was about to punch the zombie he latched himself on my ankle biting deep down causing excruciating pain to shoot up my ankle. Rin drove his elbow on top of the zombie making him/ her/ they ( zombies aren’t very human so it's hard to tell what gender they are ) pass out cold. My legs buckled and Rin catched me in his forearms.

“ Guys help over here!” he yelled over to the group. They rushed over helping to lift me into the back of the truck. Kana grabbed the first aid kit and wrapped my ankle in a gauge tape.

“ I need to find some zombie disinfect.” She said hopping out of the back of the truck. Only people in zombie forces have Zombie Killing Force  which if you ask me is pretty dumb. 

Just as I was about to say It’s fine I passed out cold.

A day later

My eyes fluttered open and I lifted onto my forearms. Where am I? I was lying on a very uncomfortable blanket in a dark building with bars all over the door. I got up cursing with pain, I limped over to the door trying to pull it open. Questions surrounded me. Where am I? Where are my friends? Just as I was about to scream a cold, jagged, sharp voice came from behind the door. 

“ Now I know you must have questions but you will have to wait till tonight. If you survive that is.” 

“ WHO ARE YOU?? OPEN THE DOOR!!” I howled but no answer came to reply.

What did the person mean if I survived. Then shivers of realization crawled up my spine. It was HIM. The ZBD, the zombie boss dude, we call him this because we don’t know his name just that he tries to kill me, a lot. He was different. He was only half zombie, but worse than any other one I've met. He was ruthless, and wanted to take over the world and kill every last human.

Sweat drenched my body, my ankle flaring with pain.

About an hour later the door clicked open revealing the ZBD. His face half handsome but the other half fleshy and scary. He walked in pulling me up by my wrist and dragging me out and up flights of stairs. I tried to speak but my throat was so dry only a croak came out. As we came into a huge room he threw me down onto the floor and whistled. It echoed in the room. Then moments later footsteps maybe about a hundred clacked against the nasty marble. Zombies, all maniac ones, appeared in view, their eyes glazed over not focusing on anything.

My voice finally came up. “ Ya know this isn't a very nice welcome party…”

The ZBD, were gonna call him Jared, stared maliciously at me and then turned his head back to the zombie army.

“ Now. If you can fight all of these zombies I might let you go.” He rasped

“ Ha. I could do this in my sleep.” I lied. I didn’t have my pistol, and I wasn't very good in martial arts. So basically I was pretending and in a couple of minutes I would be sure to be dead.

“ So are you going to untie me or not?” I asked

“ Ha! No, you will fight them without your hands.” He sneered. I glowered at him as he turned his back walking annoyingly out of the room.

“ Jerk.” I mumbled under my breath as the glazed zombies all turned to look at me.

“ Wellllll, shit.” The zombies all surged forward. I mustered my courage and did a gymnastic type back bend jump up. As the first zombie neared I kicked with all my mite.

“ EAT MY CALLOUSED FOOT YOU ZOMBIE!” I screamed. His head plowed backward knocking two other zombies that were close behind. The body stumbled around and plopped down lifeless at my feet. I bent down and grabbed a dagger which was in the pocket of the zombie's coat. I cut my binds ready for the next wave came, my arms flailed around stabbing ruthlessly screaming until my throat was raw. I panted and looked around. Dead zombie bodies were everywhere. But there was one left. A 7 foot, bodybuilder zombie.

“ Well damn… those muscles are hot.” I stared. But then realized what the heck I was doing and slapped myself. I charged toward the zombie and I ducked avoiding a slow punch. I grabbed his wrist and broke his arm. I looked down and I was holding his whole torso. I dropped it and ran in the direction the ZBD was. I creeped around a corner and I felt cold dead eyes staring at me. I jump backward in a fight stance. 

“ Let's fight zombie boss.” I said trying not to let my voice crack but of course failed.

“ I didn’t expect you to survive that. But oh well you'll be dead after I'm done.” He scoffed

I charged toward him, dagger ready. He high kicked but I ducked. I felt proud but then realized that he was kicking down harder. My body crumpled and my vision blurred. Ugh no why now, I need to beat him. Then windows crashed on either side and my friends burst through. Kana had 4 katanas ready while Hinata had his mace and he glared maliciously. Rin was behind Hinata with Akira trailing behind him holding up a shotgun.

They saw me crumpled on the floor and all surged forward screaming ready for a battle. As Rin struck Akira rushed in and dragged me to a corner. He tore off my Gauge and applied the ZD which stung my wound immensely. 

“ Lets go loser. We always have to save your clumsy self.” He teased as he hoisted me up. 

As he ran toward the fight he threw two pistols and me. I felt happy again and I started firing at the Zombie. Rin flew backward while Kana was slicing away. Akira rushed to Rin and I advanced in shooting at the zombie. Then I remembered. All the boring officials saying that between his eyes was his weakest point. I rushed over to Hinata. 

“ Dude I need a sniper and something to get me up to the window.” I breathed

He Tossed a rope and a sniper that was in his gun case.

“ Whatever you're doing, do it fast.” He said caring for Rins wounds. I hoisted myself up to the window sill. I lied down adjusting the sniper breathing slowly. In and out, In and out. As soon as his face was toward me I aimed and fired. Hinata knew the ZBD would hear it firing unless he made noise. Kana also knew so she screamed, jumping out of the way of the bullet. It plowed through his head. His eyes widened and he plopped down. No one moved, we all stood. Kana pushed the body with her toe then checked for a pulse. She gave a tired thumbs up.

“ He’s dead.” She grinned and leaned against the wall. It was over. I knew there were more powerful zombies in other high case places but you know what who cares.

“ I want chips.” I pouted. Hinata, Kana, Rin, and Akira laughed and laid down on the floor catching their breath. We did it.

September 25, 2020 01:11

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