Who's left to laugh?

You are ten hours late, but it doesn’t really matter, it was your funeral after all and you had missed everything and everyone had gone already.

The weather could not have been more perfect, the leaves on the ground moved melodiously to the tunes of the chilly air while the sun kept peaking to inform of its existence.

You’re dressed in a Stuart Hughes Diamond edition black suit, a Rolex GMT master II and a dress up lace shoe that belonged to your father, and so was the body in the coffin but its quality was way cheaper and nothing compared to what you have on, as you were definitely dressed for the occasion, you did miss everything and every one had gone back except your wife Rosie who you were sure was definitely in the house. 

The body you had spent a thousand dollars on was lowered to the ground, good thing you had been ten hours early from work that day or else it would have really been you that would have been in there.

With a smirk on your face, you knock on the door.

*

You never believed in love but your Rosie made you fall in love with her every single time you saw her all over again, you knew you were really crazy about her when you had proposed just two weeks of dating, she did turn you down and said you were crazy, and it was true you were crazy about her.

You had first met her at one of your companies exhibition, she had caught your attention because when all the girls scampared towards the diamond booths, she had ended up cheering the security guard who looked so sad back to a lively mood, you had fallen in love with the happiness she exuded. You never thought people like her existed who still cared so much about others at the expense of themselves and you had never been moved by someone's smile as much as hers moved you with the bonus facbt that you couldn't stop staring at her big brown eyes, so you had gone to say hello - winning the lovely smile for yourself too, The fact thalt she didn't know you owned the company made it easier for you to talk to her, so you had asked her on a date and luckily for you she accepted and you knew your life was definitely going to be filled with so many happy moments from then on.

There had never been anyone who understood you so well, it was like she read you in a book or something, so you kept proposing every time you went on a date with her till she accepted on your third week together and you had gotten married right away, your wedding gift to her had been to tell her the truth that you were a multibillionaire but it didn't make a big difference anyway, she had been in love with you even when she didn't know.

Life had never been better even though you never understood why she didn't really like going out with you for functions other girls would have loved to go, but she wasn't like other girls and that was the more reason you even married her and your marriage of ten months had been nothing short of perfect

Until,

Ten weeks ago

When your meeting had been cancelled and you rushed home to spend the day with Rosie, and you had tiptoed in from the back door to surprise her but you had found her anxiously looking for a place to hide the small white bottle in her hand, you had never seen her sweat so profusely before and you didn't understand what was in the bottle that she didn't want anyone to see, she did end up hiding it under the shank. You wanted to confront her about it but you had a hunch you shouldn't, so you tiptoed out and decided to knock from the front door instead so she wouldn't know you had seen her.

Rosie definitely had something up her sleeves because when you asked her why she had beads of sweat on her forehead she had lied that she was taking a nap and she had sleep paralysis, you knew better so you consoled her instead and didn't push it further.

After convincing Rosie to go shopping with her friends, you checked what was inside the bottle and found some strange white pills, you took screenshots of the bottle and took one of the pills out with you to the residence of Dr Phil, the pharmacy that used to mix up drugs for you back then in college.

It did turn out the white pill was thallium and if Rosie was hiding them from you it could mean she was trying to kill you or herself, you didn't believe it at first but you still took precautions though as Dr Phil had suggested you replace the thallium with vitamins and that if she did try to poison you or herself you'd know as the vitamins he replaced with the thallium had a sugary taste compared to the tasteless thallium. 

Everything did go back to normal after that until a week later when the Water Rosie gave you each morning with the claim that you had to drink plenty water-tasted sugary, and you knew she was trying to kill you after all, you could not believe Rosie could do such a thing.

She didn't know you had found out everything - that she had previously been married three times to billionaires who were all conveniently dead, and she did plastic surgery each time, changing her name too and that her birth name was actually Elaine, and you were to be her fourth dead husband in 4 years.

So you did play along pretending to be sick, exactly as the symptoms was supposed to be, you lost a lot of weight, feigned a lot of fake coughs and diarrhea, and when it was convincing enough you had finally had a realistic human mannequin made to replace you so Rosie would think you were dead.

*

Rosie never believed in ghosts and that had been your well planned payback, to haunt her , so when you knocked on the door and she finally opened, still dressed in her long back gown and mascara drooled all over her face and the priceless look of bewilderment, you just said

"Hi Elaine"