Contradictions of Faith

  part i: the dust

She stood in front of a gas station in the middle of nowhere, the sun beating down on her neck. It seemed an awfully strange place to begin hunting a god but every witch and worshipper alike had pointed her to this spot.

Peeling red letters formed the words Hecate’s Gas and Convenience above the building. With every step, little clouds of dust erupted beneath her feet and as she pushed the screen door open a bell chimed. The smell of incense and blood masked by gasoline immediately infiltrated her senses, rendering her immobile. A voice cut through the smell, pulling her out of her stupor.

“They’ve been expecting you,” A bored looking girl sat behind the counter. Or was it a girl? There was something off about the sharpness of its teeth and the dark depths of its eyes. It pointed to a sign reading EMPLOYEES ONLY. Nodding her head in thanks, she pushed through the door.

Though the room seemed to be designed for storing and stocking items, those days were long gone. Currently, it looked like a cross between a witch’s lair and a kitchen. There was something bubbling in a pot on the stove. She didn’t want to know what it was.

Her eyes scanned the room and she saw who she was looking for. Sitting in the corner, shrouded in darkness, was a goddess. Three heads atop one body, this was not the god she was hunting. This was the god to whom you came to find answers.

“I am searching for a god,” She couldn’t figure out which head she should be addressing, eyes flitting between the three. 

The left head spoke, “You have found one before you,” 

Then the middle, “Though We know that is not all you are seeking,” 

Then the right, “If you wish to know more, We require a sacrifice,” Thinking of a quote she had read during her research, “Half gods are worshipped in wine and flowers. Real gods require blood.” she unsheathed the knife from its holster on her leg. Slicing deep into her palm, marring her life line, she raised her hand above the god. At once, all three heads threw open their mouths and tipped up their chins. The blood was messy and the heads were ravenous, knocking together in an attempt to get more, more, more. 

“Enough!” Snatching her hand away, she ebbed the blood flow with her sleeve. The heads nodded in unison, sated. “I am looking to find a god and I need your help.” The middle one, the one which had consumed the most blood, responded,

“We know of the god you are seeking. He has not been around for quite some time. Know that you are not the only one trying to find Him.” The other heads lolled and nodded drunkenly. “However, We have heard of whispers of His presence nearby. There is an abandoned church in the woods off of Route 6. It is there where you will have your best chance of accomplishing your goal.”

part ii: the decay

This was unmistakably the place. An old church, close to collapsing under the weight of human sin. Vultures picked apart what appeared to be a dead dog in front of the door. It was a bloody thing, it’s head smashed in and guts strewn across the forest floor. Stepping over it, she crossed the threshold into His Kingdom.

This was a place where things came to die. The musty smell of rot hung heavy in the air, and all she could taste was dust and decay. Despite her stillness, the silence was broken by the creaking wood all around her. The scene before her was holy blasphemy. Despite the feeble light filtering through the cracked stained glass, the room was as dark as night. Through the darkness she could make out a statue of Mary staring down at her, smug and sinister, as if to say “Where is your God now?”. The vast church was at once both terrible and beautiful, decrepit and regal, ethereal and strange; a tribute to the contradictions of faith.What was once a place a worship was now, having been abandoned by its worshippers, a forgotten grave. Yet, though this was a place where things came to die, this was not a place where those things stayed dead.

She turned, hearing scratching at the door. The dog (or was it a wolf? She could not tell it was so utterly unrecognizable as any living creature) bound into the church. She could hear the vultures flapping away, disappointed they could not finish their meal. The creature circled her, its entrails dragging on the ground behind it. The thing was feral, growling at her and snapping its teeth. She bared her teeth and growled right back, smiling as it backed away and trotted towards the altar.

Walking slowly between the pews, she followed the creature, eyes catching the inverted crosses on the wall. Just as she reached the altar, the church was filled with a blinding light emanating from all around her: an angel. She could make out only a vague form in the centre, like the eye of a hurricane.

“Do not be afraid. The Lord is with you.” The voice was like static, low and humming, booming out. “You have been lost but now you are found. Through him all things are possible.” Suddenly, her blade sliced through the air. Like a puppet on a broken string, the angel collapsed. Just as fast as the light had appeared it dimmed back into darkness and, eyes adjusting, she tried to get a look at the angel. With only a glimpse, her eyes were burning, like she had chanced a look at the sun. Though the light no longer radiated, the angel was still blinding to look at. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of large white wings and a body covered in eyes… open eyes. With her own eyes averted, she sauntered over, yanking her blade out from where it had impaled its wing.

“I’ll be needing that back.” The angel made a sound like a whimper. “I’d like to speak to the higher-ups please. Well, the Highest-Up.”

“You think you are stronger than Him? He is all powerful, and you?” It spit out blood and made an attempt at a smile. “You are nothing.”

“We’ll see about that.” She said, driving her blade into its chest. “Now onto business.”

Most people think it is impossible to summon God. Afterall, He is everywhere, isn’t he? But then, how come he never seems to be there when someone really needs him? The truth is, He has not been anywhere for quite some time. Nevertheless, as one can summon the devil, it is possible to summon God. It does, however, require more.

As she set to work on constructing the ritual, she understood why this had to be the place. A place where is god is forgotten is a place where that god is the most vulnerable, more susceptible to run towards any hint of worship, a moth to a flame.

The set-up required quite some research into old, forgotten biblical passages and religious texts, but it was all worth it. She stood in front of her finished work, an altar constructed of the bones of a pope, gold from the Ark of the Covenant, and a piece of the actual cross, among other things. It was ready.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the candles and lit them. Cutting into her palm, retracing what had already started to scab over, she let her blood drip onto the altar and started reciting the prayer:

“O Heavenly Father

Hear my prayer

Be with me in this time of struggle

And guide me through it

I know you hear my words

I ask you to come to me”

For a moment nothing happened. She looked around, trying to figure out where she went wrong when the dog-creature started whining. She turned to see what it was looking at and there He was. Back turned towards her he looked like a regular guy, boring and mundane. Reaching towards her knife, she cleared her throat, trying to get his attention.

“Excuse me, O Heavenly Father?” She said, trying to keep the disdain from creeping into her voice. Her turned towards he, revealing a blank expanse of skin where a face should be. 

“Oh my child, you are here!” He exclaimed, stumbling towards her. Unlike the angel, His voice did not boom out from all around her. Instead, she heard it within her mind, as if it were her own thoughts.

“I thought everyone had forgotten about me, but you did not forget!” He looked pitiful, groveling at her, in search of her favour. This was what happened to the old gods. They became weak, useless, pathetic, without the constant onslaught of human attention. It was embarrassing, but she had to make her act convincing. She spoke, letting fake devotion drip into her voice like honey. 

“O Father, you came for me. I need your help.”

“Through me, all things are possible.” He was a broken record, repeating the words that had already been spoken since the beginning of time. Nothing new to say, nothing more to offer.

“Come with me. I will show you what is wrong.”

part iii: the fire

She led Him through the church, winding down the stairs to the basement towards the crypt. The dog-creature didn’t follow them, perhaps predicting what was soon to occur, preferring to stay above ground where it was safe. In and out of small rooms and narrow hallways, through unnoticeable doors and passageways, she led him through the maze of the basement until she spotted what she was looking for.

They were standing in the middle of a dank room, almost a cave. The ceiling was low and the walls rough and unshaved. 

“In here.” She pointed to the uncovered tomb sitting in the centre. It was empty, the remains removed or disintegrated to dust. 

“I am sorry, I do not understand?” He looked fragile and sounded naïve. In the past, this never would have been possible. A god at their full power, weak to the desires of their worshippers? Not a chance. Luckily she had picked the perfect time to do this.

“Get in, and then you will get it. Don’t you trust me?” Lost and confused and desperately in need of someone to believe in, He let her lift Him into the tomb. Once he was fully inside, she covered him with the slab.

“I’ll be right back. You just have to trust me.” This was as close to mortal as she was going to get him. Now all she had to do was pray it was work. Pray to whom? She thought to herself with a smirk. Pulling the box of matches out of her pocket, she quickly lit one and threw it into a corner where a wooden beam stood rotting. Turning to make her way back upstairs, she realized she had made a mistake. The flames were catching faster than she anticipated and if she didn’t move quickly, she would burn down here as well.

Racing to make her way back through the labyrinth of rooms, she felt smoke entering her lungs. She was retracing her steps as fast as she could, the fire hot on her heels. She was close, could see the stairs leading to the main floor, and she thought of the dog-creature. As she crested the top of the stairs, she looked around but it was nowhere to be seen. Hopefully it had fled, sensing danger.

Just a few feet ahead of her, she could see the open doors, leading out into the forest, to freedom, when suddenly the floor beneath her gave out and she tumbled into the blaze.

Down in the basement, the flames consumed everything. Fire didn’t care if you were a god or a spider or a dust mite. All it cared about was causing the most destruction possible, leaving nothing in its wake.

Down in the basement, a god was trapped. With no power and nowhere left to go, He let Himself drift into nothingness.

Down in the basement, she slept, as the fire melted her skin, searing right down to the bone. She slept for hours, as the building crumbled into ash. She slept until the ash cooled and the sun rose and set, until the ground became fertile and flowers grew where a church once stood. She slept until people had almost forgotten about the mysterious fire that burnt down the abandoned building in the woods. She slept and slept and slept.

And then she woke up.

part iv: the ash

Her eyes burned as she opened them, staring directly into the sun. She had been asleep for a long time and her mouth felt tacky, her throat dry. She sat up, rising from the ashes. Reaching out with her mind, she could feel His absence, greater now than before. She didn’t know if it would last, but it would have to do for now. Besides, what was the point in worrying? She had plenty of time to come up with a new plan if this one didn’t stick.

Stepping out of the ash, the dog-creature ran towards her, looking exactly the same as when it had first chased after her. Giving it a scratch on its caved-in head, she looked out across the forest, the city, the planet, surveying her new world. All of this now hers; in her control, to do with as she pleased. Maybe He would come back, try to reclaim what was now rightfully hers, but she had destroyed Him once and she could do it again. After all, the only thing that can kill a god is another god.