London

You know you have to say it at one point. He might hate you after but you have to tell him how you really feel. He thinks that you guys are just friends but you have to tell him that you want to be more than that, you need to be more than that. You know that you love him but you also know that if you don’t say anything he will never love you back, you will always stay friends and you know that you can’t keep doing that. You should wait though, wait until the moment feels right. 

Jackson is walking towards you and you know that this is the perfect chance to talk to him about how you feel. You find a table in the cafeteria that is empty and you both sit down. Before you can say anything he looks at you and says he has bad news. You start to think of all the possibilities and many bad things come to your head like he got a girlfriend, or he has cancer or something horrible like that. Then he says that he is going to be moving to London over the summer. Tears form in your eyes and you know that you can’t hold them back for very long. 

You know you look shocked but you have no idea how to respond to this. You would have rather him get a girlfriend that's not you or basically anything than moving away. He takes your hand and tells you that it’s okay and that he would come and visit every summer. The only word that you can get out of your mouth is why. Why would he move away from you, does he know how much this is going to hurt? Your feelings are shifting from being shocked to extremely hurt that he would completely ditch you like this. 

He responds to your “why” by saying that his mom got a good job up there as a finance manager and that they would pay her really well. You know that his small family has always struggled with money scene when his dad died in a horrible car accident. You know that this isn't his decision and that this move would be better for his family. You need to stop being selfish and say something on a different topic. Now would be a perfect time to tell him how you feel about your relationship with him. The words just won't form in your brain so you ask him when he is leaving. 

He says tomorrow and your jaw drops. You wonder why he didn't tell you sooner but you don't ask because you don't want to offend him because you can see it's hard for him to break this news to you. The tears flow off of your face now. He’s leaving you tomorrow and you won't see him for a whole year. It finally sunk in. You hear girls a few tables away laughing and you see them pointing at you because you are crying. Not knowing what else to do, you stand up and run to the bathroom. When Jackson sees you leave, he abruptly stands up and tries to follow you but knowing he can not go into the ladies room you are pretty sure that he waits outside. 

You need to clean yourself up. It’s not like he’s dead or going to die, you’re going to see him every summer, you got to get that in your head. You’re definitely over reacting so you splash water on your face and dry it with a towel. You look in the mirror and see that thankfully it doesn't look like you have been crying. You walk out into the

hallway and realize that there is no one there. The bell must have rung, great now you’re late. You realize that your mom would be home right now so you decide to skip all of your evening classes and to drive home. 

You cry the whole drive home but once you get in the garage you wipe the tears off your face and go inside. Your mom is surprised to see you and she sees that you are really upset. You tell her what Jackson told you and she understands how you feel and thankfully doesn't give you any grief about missing school. 

You slowly walk up the stairs and sit on your bed. You decide to binge watch Stranger Things because you need to get your mind off of Jackson. Time flies and it’s eleven before you know it. You untuck the covers and lay your head on the pillow. You want to cry but there are no tears left, this is the worst feeling in the whole world. Slowly, you drift off to sleep and dream of nothing. 

In the morning when you wake up you remember what happened and feel the pain all over again. You decide to go and say goodbye to him before he leaves. You slowly crawl out of bed and put some decent clothes on and get in the car. You want to cry but there are still no tears to come out. You catch him right in time before they pack the last bags into the car. You can’t do anything but stare at him, your heart is aching like it never has before. He walks up to you and gives you a hug which makes the world seem to slow down. He slowly pulls away. Just say it, you slowly remind yourself. You knew that you would regret it if you didn't.  

“Jackson,” you say through broken sobbs. The tears have found their way back now. You tell him how much you love him and how you wanted to be more than friends but now he’s leaving and you could never love anyone else. 

He interrupts you even though you have a lot more to say. He tells you that he loves you and pulls me into a hug. He said that he tried to tell me yesterday that he was only going to be gone for a year and then he would come back. You slowly breath a sigh of relief, pull away from the hug and say goodbye. You get in the car and tell yourself that it’s okay and this time, you actually believe it.