Dating: The Covid Edition

2020

We met in February. Online dating service.  How ironic that seems today. Diane and I chatted for hours. We texted,  DM, Skype, every way to communicate in the era of social media we did it. Heck, we even talked on the phone a couple of times. She was, and is, everything I never knew I always wanted in a girl. When I was in my twenties all I cared about was how my date looked. As long as a girl was pretty I put up with a lot of abuse. Since turning thirty I've realized behind a pretty face can lurk a destructive mind. I vowed the next girl I dated I would get to know before getting physical.  I wanted to know her hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes. I wanted to know if I brought her home a dozen roses whether she would love them or think "What in the world has he done THIS time!". 

March 2020

We made plans for our first in person date. Then the word Covid19 entered our national lexicon. 'The Corona virus.' I always found it ironic a pandemic that shut down the world was nicknamed for a cheap Mexican beer. Businesses began shutting down,  including the restaurant we were going to dine in. In short order my accounting firm and Diane's law office both shut down. We were housebound. Well, back to Facetime and texting. I remember thinking  "My thumbs are gonna look like bowling pins if this keeps up."

 April 2020

Since my firm has clients who are part of state and local governments, the bosses thought it would be a good idea to get us tested as a precaution. My first test was, to say the least, an experience.  The nurse who administered the test had been doing our routine physicals for a couple of years so we knew each other. She said I was the first person she had to give the test to. Lucky me. She said she had to push the swab into my nose until she felt pressure. The pressure was on the back of my brain. My eyes couldn't have watered more if she had shoved onions up my nose while stomping my balls! Afterwards the look of horror on her face said it all. She was and is a loving, caring nurse who would never hurt anyone and she felt awful about what happened. To this day I try to reassure her every time I talk to her that I'm fine and I love her for the care she showed that day and many times since.

May 2020

In May we decided to take our relationship to the next level.  That's right: online gaming! We formed a clan for Call of Duty with friends. Our point man was my buddy's ten year old daughter.  She is fantastic.  Sometimes we would follow her into a building and by the time we got there the other clan was all dead! Diane and I had an intuitive relationship in the game. We would enter a room one after the other. If she went left I went right and vice versa.  Our clan won every game that night.  My favorite part was Diane's laugh. As she mowed down foe after foe the joy was unmistakable.  Her laugh is genuine and intoxicating. When we were done my buddy Eric called me and said "If you let her go we're done! I've put up with every basket case you've dated since we were in high school. This girl is golden! DO NOT BLOW IT!" Thanks pal, I got this.

June 2020

Finally the restrictions let up. Diane and I reset our date. The restaurant has an outdoor dining area so we thought a warm June night under the stars was ideal. We should have known better. As I was getting ready Diane texted me. "Do you believe this!" "Believe what, Honey, I'm getting ready." "Turn on the news! Unbelievable!" So I turned on the news. There was a protest right outside of our restaurant! At first it was a peaceful protest. People airing their grievances. I thought maybe we could salvage the evening by talking to these folks before we ate. As a staunch defender of the Constitution, I believe a free exchange of ideas never hurt anyone. While I kept the news on the rioters showed up. Suddenly our quiet dinner looked like Beirut during the slow season. As I watched, Diane texted again. "Un 'dirty-word' Believable!" We could not catch a break!

July 2020

Thank God for baseball! We started streaming games while we talked and texted. Diane is beautiful, intelligent, plays COD and loves baseball. Eric was right, I'd better not blow this. After a couple of weeks watching the games I got up my nerve to ask the question.  While Diane was complaining about the Reds pen blowing another lead, I sent her a text with a picture attached. It was a picture of her engagement ring.  The text said "Diane, will you marry me?" As per usual for us, her internet buffered for five minutes before she got the text.  The longest five minutes of my life. As she was saying "David Bell should be fired for this!" the message came in. She stopped talking.  I facetimed her. When she answered she was crying. "Of course I will Ron!"

April 2022

Our baby's first birthday . It's a girl. Naming her Corona seemed appropriate.  Thank goodness Amazon started that overnight Express Semen Delivery Service. Missy, the nurse, was my stand in with the fertility doctor. She was also there for the delivery.  Diane and I keep promising we'll meet face to face one day. The virtual wedding was beautiful. My best man Eric and the groomsmen all Skype from different cities. Same with the bridesmaids.  Our wedding photos looked like the Hollywood Squares. After the murder Hornets, solar flares, and the attack from a parallel universe things are finally calming down.  Hopefully next week my little girl and I will meet for the first time in person. Wait a minute…..was that a T-Rex?