The perfect dinner

The candle flickering while I place roses around the table. The petals perfectly laid around the plates. The loud beeping raged on until I ran to the kitchen to turn off the oven reminding me of the food I started hours ago. I pull out the perfectly cooked roast and set it on the stove. Letting it cool I grab the sides and place them on the table before running and grabbing two wine glasses. I grab a brand new bottle of wine but only fill one glass. The smell of the roast filling the house as I go to turn on the old record player in the corner. The smooth music fills the room as I walk back to the kitchen. Grabbing the roast I set it down on the table along side the rest. I look across the table from me at the photo sitting next to the other table placement. It is a photo of my husband. Every year on our anniversary I make his favorite dinner, set a beautiful table, and play our wedding song. The roast and the mashed potatoes had never been my favorite but I knew how happy he would get walking into the house and seeing them sitting on the table. Those were the days that he would throw his tool belt and kickoff his mud caked boots before running to the table. I would always yell at him to at least go wash his hands but some days he couldn’t even wait for that. The photo of him is from our wedding day. The photo was as I was walking down the isle, you can see the tears in his eyes. I will always remember him breathing out how beautiful I look as my father placed my hand in his. I eat my dinner and speak to the photo as if it were really him. 5 years ago I would have never thought this is how I would spend every anniversary. Alone and speaking to a photo but the world works in mysterious ways. I couldn’t stop the car from taking him away from me as much as I wish every day that I could. I will always however be thankful for the time that I did have with him. He was the love of my life and we spent a beautiful 25 years together. We may have not had the most conventional beginning but neither of us would have changed it for the world. We had to get married quickly to keep our parents from knowing about our first child was not conceived after marriage. When I took the pregnancy test my lovely, Zachary was overjoyed. He picked up the test and began jumping our bedroom. He was happy to be a father and I was afraid he would blow our secret before the wedding. We were lucky with how early we found out and that most of the wedding was already planned. The rest of the wedding had to be thrown together as quickly as possible but it didn’t change how amazing it was. It was all worth it though when I first held my baby boy in my arms. Zachary loved him more than anything and when the doctor announced it was a boy I remember his screech of joy. At the moment I wanted to kill him because of how much pain I was still in but when that baby was place in my arms and he placed a kiss on my head I forgot it all. 2 more beautiful girls followed. We had a long happy life filled with laughter and sometimes pain. I know someday we will be back together but for now I will always honor him. After eating my dinner and telling him all about my life I walk to the couch and pull out our old photo albums. As I flip through the pages I feel tears gliding down my face. They aren’t of sadness though. The tears begin flowing as I remember all the wonderful and amazing things we experienced together. The vacations with our kids and the beautiful dates we would go on. Every Thursday night from the day we got married until he was taken from me was for us. We didn’t have to go out but we had to be together. We talked our weeks out and just reminded each other we are always there for each other. We always were there for each other. Through the good and bad just like our vows said. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. He held my hair through the morning sickness and dealt with the pain as I crushed his hand while I gave birth. Every doctor appointment where I refused to get a shot unless he was holding my hand. After going through every book I reach the last one. Our wedding pictures. I open the book and smile. The first page restarted the water works. Our first dance. I could almost feel him again. He picked me up and spun me around while we both laughed. I remember calling him an idiot because we had taken weeks worth of dance classes to prepare. He decided to through out the playbook though and do what he did best. Make me smile. I forever will be thankful that our photographer captured that perfect moment. As I finish my glass of wine I run my fingers over the phone and smile. I take it out of the sleeve and carry it into the bed room with me. I lay it where he used to lay in bed. Even though he had been gone for so long I couldn‘t bring myself to let anything go. I changed into one of his old shirts and prayed his cologne on me and the pillows in bed. As I laid down the smell wrapper around me the same way it used to when he would pull me close and shove his nose in my hair at night. I feel as though he is there with me as I let sleep take over me after one last glance at the photo knowing my dreams will consist of nothing but that dance.