Submitted to: Contest #292

Apparently, Canadians Spell It C-O-L-O-U-R

Written in response to: "Center your story around a mysterious painting."

Funny

Alright, the new Reedsy prompts were just posted. Let’s see the post title… “Colour Your World.” Wait—color is actually spelled that way? I always thought it was C-O-L-O-R, not C-O-L-O-U-R. Am I developing late-stage dyslexia? Let’s look it up.


Oh, okay, so it’s spelled both ways. I guess that’s fine. But who in their right mind would spell it C-O-L-O-U-R?


Ah—Canadians. That checks out.


Ok… So the host of the contest is a Canadian publisher… Does this mean I have to write my whole story spelling “color” as “Colour”? I mean, I don’t want to offend them or anything. The email says, “But feel free to write ‘color’ in your story.” But they have to have some bias towards writing it as “Colour” over “color,” right?


Also, why the hell does my Google Docs page keep capitalizing “Colour”? See, this is why we spell it “color”—even Google Docs agrees with me. Whatever, it’s fine. I’ll just lowercase the C. No big deal.


Alright, let’s check the prompts.


Okay: Write a story that has a Colour—I mean, a colourin the title.


Next: Center your story around a mysterious painting. Okay, that seems fun!


Alright, next one: Set your story in a world that has lost all color— I mean, Colour. I mean… COLOUR. FINE, YOU KNOW WHAT, I’LL TYPE IN ALL CAPS.


OKAY, SO THE NEXT PROMPT IS: CENTER YOUR STORY AROUND AN ARTIST WHOSE CREATIONS HAVE ENCHANTED QUALITIES. HMMM, I LIKE THAT ONE.


OKAY, WAIT—THIS ALL-CAPS THING MAKES ME SEEM LIKE I’M YELLING, BUT I’M NOT. I MEAN, CANADIANS ARE SO NICE—AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS—SO I THINK YELL-TYPING MIGHT OFFEND THEM.


Ok, I’ll just try my best not to say the word Colour and everything will be fine.


Oh, shit, I said it. That’s fine—one time, no harm.


Next prompt: Write a story inspired by your favorite… shade.


Yes… Shade.


I can use a synonym, right? That’s fine.


Although… will they get what I mean by “shade”? They might think I mean a window shade… or a shady place… or throwing shade at someone—for all my Gen Z-ers.


Oh, wait, they might think I mean one shade of a pair of shades… like sunglasses.


Damn it.


Okay, whatever. I’ll find ways around it.


Those were just the prompts. Now I just need to choose one and write my story however I want to—without using the… unspoken word.


Alright, I’ll choose the first prompt: Write a story that has a…


You know what? The second prompt works too: Center your story around a mysterious painting.


How fun!


Okay, let’s brainstorm. Where should my setting be?


Oh! Let’s choose the Louvre!


Canadians speak French, right?


Whatever. I think they do.


Alright, so we have a mysterious painting at the Louvre.


What’s so mysterious about this painting?


Hmmm… What do Canadians like?


Syrup? Maple leaves? Hockey?

Lumberjacks?


Okay—maybe it’s a painting of a lumberjack playing hockey on a pond of frozen maple syrup, surrounded by maple trees.


I don’t know a lot about art, but that sounds like whatever you call it… an abstract piece or something.


Yeah, I don’t know. 


I’ll make it symbolic…


It’s good imagery or whatever.


Alright, so this mysterious painting of a lumberjack playing hockey on a pond of frozen maple syrup surrounded by maple trees…


Maybe it’s cursed!


Yes!


A cursed Canadian painting of a lumberjack playing hockey on a pond of frozen maple syrup surrounded by maple trees—and anyone who looks at it…


They, um… believe they’re Canadian!


Yes!


They start craving poutine, saying “eh” at the end of all their sentences, and apologizing to everyone!


I love it.


Okay—now for a creative title that isn’t a mouthful whatsoever and is totally coherent.


Maybe something like:


The Legend of the Mysterious Painting of a Lumberjack Playing Hockey on a Pond of Frozen Maple Syrup Surrounded by Maple Trees That Makes Anyone Who Looks at It Believe They Are Canadian.


Now that is legendary.


Alright, now that I have my title, it’s time to write:


Once upon a time, Jerry and Caroline, an ordinary couple, decided to visit the Louvre. They had heard about a new exhibit featuring a mysterious—possibly Canadian—painting that no one had ever seen before.


Jerry and Caroline waited in line… You know what? Let’s get to the good part.


Blah, blah, blah—they got tickets… yada, yada, yada—they went to the exhibit… and tada! The unveiling was about to begin.


With a whoosh, the Louvre director revealed the painting to the crowd.


A magnificent, mysterious, legendary—while still very much mysterious—painting of a lumberjack playing hockey on a pond of frozen maple syrup surrounded by maple trees.


The audience was captivated, oohing and ahhing—until their oohs and ahhs turned into “ehhs” and “eyys”.


Jerry and Caroline started to feel funny, and before they knew it, they were craving pancakes—with extra maple syrup.


The rest of the crowd had the same idea. Everyone rushed to find pancakes, but they kept bumping into each other—and immediately started apologizing.


Soon, the only thing you could hear in the entire room was, “I’m sorry.”


Followed by either an “ehh” or an “eyy”.


The police tried to intervene, but everyone who attempted to rescue the poor souls ended up trapped—unable to resist the painting’s power.


Eventually, the entire world became Canadian.


The economy transformed into pancake diners, poutine shops, and maple tree farms.


The End.


Okay, now it’s time to submit it…


WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M UNDER THE WORD LIMIT—


Oh, wait. No yelling.


Ahem.


What do you mean I am under the word limit?


You know what? I’m done.


I’ll just repeat the same word over and over until I hit 1,000 words.


But wait—which word should I repeat?


Oh… I know…


COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR, COLOR…


COLOR… 


IT’S 


SPELLED 


COLOR.


AND I REFUSE TO SPELL IT COLOUR—AND THAT’S THE END OF IT.


And… the end of this story.


Because I hit the word limit…


Well, I guess that’s it.


This is officially the end of the greatest story ever written:


The Legend of the Mysterious Painting of a Lumberjack Playing Hockey on a Pond of Frozen Maple Syrup Surrounded by Maple Trees That Makes Anyone Who Looks at It Believe They Are Canadian.


The end.


Wait—no…


COLOR.


Now…


THE END.

Posted Mar 06, 2025
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39 likes 42 comments

Audrey Elizabeth
20:08 Mar 06, 2025

Hahaha oh my gosh I was laughing the whole way through. Well done!

Reply

Joseph Mir
20:12 Mar 06, 2025

Thank you! I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and try something new! So… here we are!

Reply

Victor Amoroso
20:20 Mar 06, 2025

This is completely gonzo and if you don't love it, you are in the wrong business, or an alien, or Canadian, or a Canadian alien, or a Canadian alien whose colourblind, or a ham sandwich, or maybe, just maybe, an eeeevil Canadian alien seeking to steal all of our colours, or colors south of the border...I think you inspired a whole host of Canadian ET stories...thank you.

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Joseph Mir
20:26 Mar 06, 2025

LMAO— I love this comment! Thank you!

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Frankie Shattock
13:42 Mar 14, 2025

I like this! Good fun and playful :-)

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Jori Al Jiran
09:23 Mar 14, 2025

i cant - 😂😂😂😂 please write more of these i swear this is every writer at 3am glaring at there computer screen

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Polly Bochkariov
22:16 Mar 12, 2025

*Hand over mouth, muffled laughter*
How DARE you make fun of us Canadians!!
And what a statement, eh?
I personally never heard anyone in my entire Canadian-born life ever say "eh" at the end of their sentence.
Well done!

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Joseph Mir
13:37 Mar 13, 2025

LMAO, thank you!

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Pavittra Kalyaan
07:05 Mar 12, 2025

This was so enjoyable and very clever!

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Joseph Mir
16:34 Mar 12, 2025

Thank you!

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19:42 Mar 10, 2025

i love how the entire world becomes canadian. very creative idea for this prompt! good luck in the contest!

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Joseph Mir
18:35 Mar 11, 2025

Thank you so much! You as well!

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Terry Maris
16:33 Mar 10, 2025

Colour me impressed! What a clever and hilarious way to tackle the prompt. I look forward to reading more of your work, Joseph.

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Joseph Mir
17:20 Mar 10, 2025

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed my story!

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Crystal Wexel
19:53 Mar 09, 2025

This story put a smile on my face and made me giggle ! I thought about my Canadian friends and the way they always say . Sorey..( sorry) I also felt less alone when reading your brainstorming process . Knowing others thoughts go crazy too . Fun read.

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Joseph Mir
17:20 Mar 10, 2025

I’m glad I was able to make you smile! Thank you for your comment!

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Phoebe DeNeve
03:21 Mar 09, 2025

I saw the title and knew I was in for a ride. Laughed the entire time! Amazing job!

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Joseph Mir
14:47 Mar 09, 2025

Thank you! Glad you liked it!

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Jake McBride
17:03 Mar 08, 2025

Hahahaha, pure entertainment!

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Joseph Mir
20:26 Mar 08, 2025

Thank you!

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Jake McBride
20:55 Mar 08, 2025

You're welcome!

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Alexis Araneta
13:46 Mar 07, 2025

As someone who uses UK English, it's colour. Always will be. Hahahahaha! Thanks for making me laugh!

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Joseph Mir
22:27 Mar 07, 2025

No! It’s color!!! And thanks for the comment haha

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Alexis Araneta
02:20 Mar 08, 2025

No. Paediatricians will always try to organise that former foetuses would heal up, all whilst wearing a coat that is coloured white. 😂

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Joseph Mir
13:47 Mar 13, 2025

LMAO

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Aleesa Azim
09:26 Mar 07, 2025

this is absurd but in a kind of iconic way :-) thoroughly enjoyed

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Joseph Mir
22:27 Mar 07, 2025

Glad to hear! Thanks for the comment!

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Mary Bendickson
04:09 Mar 07, 2025

Finally solved the legend of the mysterious painting of a lumberjack playing hockey on a pond of frozen maple syrup surrounded by maple trees that makes everyone who looks at it believe they are Canadians. Eh. It takes the u out of colour.

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Joseph Mir
05:30 Mar 07, 2025

OMG This had me dying laughing! Thanks for the good laugh! 😂

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Charis Keith
03:12 Mar 07, 2025

Oh lordy. My gut hurts. This is brilliant - I laughed multiple times. I haven't read many other stores so far for this contest, but as a strong supporter of chaos I think this one deserves to win. Kudos!

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Joseph Mir
05:34 Mar 07, 2025

I’m so glad that you enjoyed my humor! Thank you so much for the support!!!

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Jan Keifer
02:35 Mar 07, 2025

Absolutely outragious. Horribly hysterical. Reminds me of Piers Anthony.

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Joseph Mir
05:35 Mar 07, 2025

Being compared to Piers Anthony has made my night!

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Jan Keifer
12:44 Mar 07, 2025

He makes me giggle with his puns.

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Denise Walker
22:23 Mar 06, 2025

As a Canadian, I found your story absolutely hilarious. With so much negativity in the world, I truly appreciate the laughter. Thank you!

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Joseph Mir
22:26 Mar 06, 2025

In glad you found it funny as it was how I intended it! And thank you for your comment!

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Victoria West
21:33 Mar 06, 2025

Ha ha! This story is really funny. When I read the prompts I though- wait have I been spelling color-no-colour wrong this entire time. Great job!

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Joseph Mir
22:27 Mar 06, 2025

Thank you! I’m glad I wasn’t the only one 😂

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20:40 Mar 06, 2025

Funny! I'm in England, so I side with the Canadians on this one.. there's a 'u' in colour! Love this random ramble! 😁

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Joseph Mir
20:49 Mar 06, 2025

Thank you so much! I’ll be so honest, this “story” is just about the most random and chaotic piece I have ever submitted to a contest.

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Rebecca Hurst
20:28 Mar 06, 2025

Great fun! I look forward to the day when Americans learn to speak English!

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Joseph Mir
20:30 Mar 06, 2025

I look forward to that day as well!

Reply

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