Buzzing

Buzzing

Pam Alcasey

“Can you hear it,” I ask my friend. It sounds like buzzing until it gets close to you. Then it whispers in your ear, “remember the time you….” My friend Joey says, “Mikey, I’ve told you before I can’t hear it!” The buzzing doesn’t stop until it gets close to my ear and then it repeats the question, “remember…” Joey says I have earwax that is shifting that causes the ringing. I’ve tried to tell him that it is not ringing but buzzing, but he doesn’t understand. I don’t know what he would say if I told them when the buzzing gets close it uses words. We are almost finished our day at the car wash. Joey vacuums the cars out and I wipe on the Armor All on the leather seats and dashboard. We need the money so both of us work hard to do it right. Our boss says, “see you tomorrow, remember we have a meeting at 9:00 in the morning.” Joey and I hate morning meetings, it breaks up our sleep and breakfast with a smoke. Speaking of smoke, it’s time to light up as we walk home. The buzzing starts again…remember…

 Joey and I grew up on the same street, tall grey row houses of Catholic families with at least 8 children in a three bedroom. I shared a bedroom with four brothers. Joey shared his bedroom with only three brothers. The girls slept three to a room at my house and five to a room in Joey’s house. That is until his youngest sister went missing about ten years ago. Everyone looked for her for over a month, she never was found. Although everyone was very sad, the girls were happy to have more space in their room. Kids.

  We were on our second smoke when we rounded the corner of our street. Both of us still live with our mothers, the kids had moved out and only one brother lived in my house, my dad died about two years ago from lung cancer, smoking. I’m going to quit one day…the buzzing gets quiet as it gets close to my ear, “remember…” Joey interrupts the voice, “Well, do you want to go have a beer after dinner? We are almost there.” “Sure,” I reply. “I’ll see you at Harvey’s at 7:00.” We wave goodbye as Joey’s house is first and he heads up the walk to the worn wood porch, just as grey as the house.

  Dinner is roast chicken and potatoes with carrots. It’s nothing special, but it is good food after a long boring day of cleaning cars. Pop left a little money for Mom from an insurance policy and a little pension from the steel mill. My job provided the extras, like the internet and cable TV and company for Mom. John, Jr., the last brother at home worked at night in the mill so I was her only dinner company. I barely made it through dinner with the buzzing getting louder and louder to get my attention. I couldn’t wait to leave the table and my mother’s complaining…the weather, the neighbor, my brother and her friends. No one was giving her what she needed, no one ever could. I went to my room for an hour before I went to Harvey’s. Buzzzzzzzzz…

  The buzzing has moved into the words…remember. I do not want to remember, but we are going to Harvey’s for the anniversary ten years ago. Harvey’s is where Jack committed suicide nine years ago. Harvey’s was a kid named Harvey’s house and they had just moved out of town when his dad got another job. They had only left on Friday when Jack broke into the house and shot himself. No one has wanted to buy the house since then and so it is empty. We go there with a 12 pack every anniversary of his death and the other death. I head over to Harvey’s after remembering.

  Only Joey and I understood why Jack had shot himself. We knew his secret and we had never told anyone, not even Joey’s Mom. Ten years seems like a long time unless you hear the buzzing everyday reminding me. Joey met me around back near the back door. It was very dark, so no one could see us when we went through the bushes. The backdoor glass was broken so Joey reached through the opening and unlocked the door. We went across the old pink carpet littered with old newspapers and fast food wrappers and broken beer bottles. Nine years is a long time. We sat down on the living room floor and passed out the beers, four for each of us including Jack. Jack, thank god, had never drank any of the beers, but it was just the right thing to do…offer him some beer. We started talking about Jack before ten years started all of this. Jack was a good brother and always stood between Joey and his dad when his dad drank too much. Jack graduated from high school and was going to trade school to become an electrician like his dad. Everyone thought things were going great for Jack until he shot himself. Joey and I knew better. Buzzzz…Remember…

   It was time for Joey and me to remember what happened ten years ago we had to talk about it. I started, remember when we were coming home and stopped at your house and were talking when we saw Jack carrying Janie out of the house. She was limp and her head was hanging over Jack’s arm like she was watching the stars. When we saw her head roll to one side, we knew she was dead. We jumped into the bushes and watched as Jack put Janie in the trunk of his car and drive away. Neither of us moved for over an hour. We were afraid to leave the bushes; someone might see we were there. Jack returned into the driveway and we were still there hiding. Jack had his head down and was turning his hands over and over in front of him. He went into the house without Janie. We both said goodbye and ran to our houses into our bedrooms without stopping. I still feel that trembling feeling after all of this time. We both knew that Jack knew where Janie was, but we never said anything.

  Why had Jack killed Janie? Joey and I talked about this each anniversary of her death. We couldn’t figure it out, it had to be an accident. Jack must have felt guilty and killed himself a year after her death. Again, tonight we would use the Ouija board to try to talk with Jack. Of course, he had never answered, but at least we would give him a chance to make his case. Joey brought the candle in an old pickle jar to start the seance and talk with Jack. I set up the Ouija board and Joey sat next to me to put his fingertips on the boomerang thing. We started with telling Jack that we understood his dilemma and forgave him for taking his life. We tell him the same things every year hoping he will comfortable coming to talk with us. This time was different. Maybe it was the 10-year anniversary or maybe he started to believe us. We can’t be sure, but this time was different.

  The candle started to flicker inside the jar like there was a breeze inside the house. The air was still and yet the candle flickered. The piece on Ouija board started to move. The first letter was I. Then, d-i-d n-o-t k-i-l-l J-a-n-i-e. Joey yelled, “You didn’t kill Janie?” The piece moved right to Yes. “Who killed her?” whispered Joey. Again, the piece moved quickly to D-a-d. We didn’t even have our fingers on the board anymore. “Why would Dad kill our little sister?” asked Joey in an even smaller voice. The Ouija board moved to a-s-k D-a-d. Joey jumped up from the floor screaming,” but Dad died last year!” The Ouija board stopped hovering and just sat there still and silent. Even the candle’s flame was still.

  The candle started to flicker again and the piece on the board started moving N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! N-o-! Then it stopped suddenly. We just looked at each other not knowing what to say. Joey said, “Do you think that Mom knows, Jack?” ?-?-?-?-? The candle went out and everything was still. It was past midnight and time to go home. The buzzing would be over until next year about a month before the anniversary. Maybe we’ll find out more during the year to come and maybe we can tell Jack…remember.