Bucket

Where did he want to begin?

10. Forgive Michael

That seemed fair to Steven. Michael B. was his oldest friend; the one who first invited him to hang out when they were just kids who were new to each other in that neighbourhood; the one that he played road hockey with, traded comic books and baseball cards, chased girls that did not have any interest in them, and on and on; the one who truly understood what his friend was all about. 

But there were certain things that haunted Steven’s thoughts at the end of the year. 

Laura Smitkillen.

That went back to high school, some college work, and then their lives as adults trying to find their place in the world. Laura had made a vow and then broken it when things began to get too serious for her. Michael was just an observer, but he pushed it by asking her out and then telling Steven all about it when it could not be contained anymore. 

Of all the girls out there you could have had, Mikey B., you took the only one I ever wanted…

Steven underlined the first one and continued.

9. Forgive Laura

This was one was a lot harder to stomach. He stared out into the night, observing a family celebrating the upcoming year with their balloons, music and comings and goings through different rooms. That should have been me with her, thought Steven. Instead you took…

His stomach began to hurt.

Yeah, she was not much of a player in all of that. Michael was only human, too, and who would say no to her? But he did know how Steven felt about her.

Again, he underlined this one. The page had plenty of space left for his other thoughts.

8. Lose weight

The problem that never seems to go away, he thought. It was a beautiful night and the year was ending as they always ended: food and drink everywhere and only himself to finish it. There was a bottle chilling in the fridge of something fizzy and nonalcoholic – luckily, not a vice – and cold cuts, pretzels, cheese-covered things that were both savory and sweet, chocolates, cream-filled pastry, and plenty of other things he did not need but his body wanted.

She never talked about his weight. It was a problem then, too, but she did not say a thing. Even Michael would ask, “Hey, why don’t you drop a few pounds?” He meant well, like his mother, gym teacher, dorm roommates and other people did. There was a moment when he was going to the gym, but then…all of this.

No need to underline it.

7. Take a trip

No controversies or problems there, besides the old financial and time management ones. He had not taken a vacation for at least a decade and there was going to be some time off in the middle of June that he wanted to enjoy.

June… That may as well be about another ten years. He had the passport form out on the table with all of the information filled in. There seemed to be no need for him to send it in for processing. He did not have the money to go anywhere. He did not have the time to go anywhere. And he had no one to travel with…

That would change (it was underlined).

6. Change jobs

Now, this one would be easy, especially since he hated his job: poor hours, terrible associates (cannot call them “co-workers,” he thought) and a lousy feeling at the end of the day. The only benefit was the money, but that was losing its touch. Steven had enough in his buckets for the rest of his life and did not need or want any more to add to the pile.

He checked his watch.

Almost time.

Oh, and underline that one, too.

5. Seek forgiveness

He was almost tempted to cross it out, but he could not avoid it after thinking about number six. There was always that rule about priests not being allowed to talk outside of the confessional about the sins they heard. And he knew a few priests who could be blackmailed into silence if necessary (he never had a job where he had to take one out; good karma?).

Steven wondered about this, his pen hovering above the paper.

Later…

4. Call mom

Pass.

No, wait, he could not pass on this one. Steven looked through the binoculars at the house and heard more laughter, saw a few people move up and down the hallway and sighed.

Family, family… You cannot get away from it. 

Okay, underlining it.

3. Forgive…

Well, that was an interesting one. He had Michael on his list, and Laura, but it was clear that he had someone else on his mind as he sat on the floor with the weapon. Who was it that he was trying to forgive?

He looked at his watch again.

Almost time.

Ah, he was still thinking about Michael and Laura. He was willing to forgive the happy couple but there was someone else connected with all of them that he could not forgive.

His boss.

No name included here. Anything on paper would be too dangerous to hold on to, especially on the job.

Ten years of his life taken away because of a psychological quark and a sharp eye. Steven had wondered why the man who took the test at school took so long to give him the results. They had all been evaluated, noted, recorded…but Steven had been contacted and profiled by some very private and very dangerous people. Several assignments later, and after dropping out of school (mom would never have understood), there was money, respect and unlimited work.

Boss or profiler: who needed to be forgiven?

Circle this one.

2. Don’t be so hard on yourself

Steven had heard all of that before: you are only human; every day is a gift; the longest journey begins with a single step, and all the others you could find on cheap calendars and self-help books. He knew it was right. He knew that he was still a good person.

That was why he was doing this job.

It would be the last one he ever did; it would clear things up for his old friends. 

But it was not one that he was assigned to do.

Steven did not know this man too well, but he knew what he was doing to his workers and their investments.

Michael and a very pregnant Laura would read about the assassination and then another story would leak out about the shady nonsense going on behind the scenes “that several sources can confirm” (Steven was glad that he knew a reporter who owed him a favour, and could say it exactly the way it was written on the script). They would be set, he would be in trouble for the rest of his days.

But this was worth it.

Double underline that one.

And there was one more.

1. Burn all bridges

Was this already covered? Steven looked at his watch and the rest of his list. 

He was already planning a trip, a very long one, so why put this here? 

Things were all settled. The cars were sold off; the apartment was cleared out; the money had already been moved; and he had his plane fueled and ready for tonight.

Okay, he thought. It is time.

The one who would not be named here was in his sights.

Steven knew to breathe normally as he aimed and set up his shot.

Mikey and Laura…ha, ha, ha.

What a way to end the year.

Underlined.