Should i?

There are so many stars. It's kinda crazy to think that my life on earth is so small. Or how the earth is so small. That doesn't mean my life isn't complicated though. I probably have no way more problems than those stars. They don't have to deal with acne, peer pressure, and trying to reconnect with your old pal. I don't even know where to start. I and Nathan were the best of friends from second grade to fourth. But in the fifth we were put into different sections of the school. I wanted to reconnect so badly, I just don't know how. Then came sixth. All my teachers were shit and I started taking anxiety medication. I was an average looking mess. I could NOT talk to him then. Next up was seventh. His parents had signed him up for a special project based learning. I had the regular teachers. I had much better teachers in seventh grade. Also, my anxiety became much more manageable. That was the year I could reconnect. He was even on my bus! Unfortunately, one of my best friends had other plans. We signed up for field hockey and lacrosse. Two things I had to stay after school for and miss the regular bus. But hold on. He was also signed up for an after school sport! I just had to get close to him on the benches. Most days he got picked up super early by his mom, so i just had to wait for the right day. Finally, the day came. I looked over to the benches and saw him. That day me and my best friend had to go and do a science project. We were both kinda angry because of a random guy on the football team. It all happened so fast. My friend's mom was there, and he tried to make a conversation, he did. I always feel so bad that we just ignored him and went into the car. Uggg, it was so dumb. Why don't I just say hi, can we talk tomorrow? But we just ignored him. How the hell do I talk to him now? The only other interaction we had was saying goodbye to our Spanish teacher. Eighth grade is starting really soon and I have absolutely no idea what's gonna happen. I miss him. I miss the talks we had. I miss the adventures we had. I miss the times we played at the recess. Maybe I am just holding on to the past. Life is passing too quickly. I am not ready for any of this. Just two days ago I was in kindergarten. Everyone My age is going to change. I am going to be left behind. Becouse I can't get over a stupid third grade crush. What am I supposed to be doing? How did everyone just let go of everything. Dress up, barbie dolls, and games. One day I am expected to learn about taxes, but the next all of my opinions are being shut down because I am not old enough. Nothing makes sense.  I am sad. I am so sad. I don't want my mom to leave me. I don't want my friends to leave me. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to stop sleeping with my stuffed animals. I don't want to say goodbye. I can't say goodbye. I want to be a kid again. I don't want to lose my memories. I want to wish upon a star and go back. But it's all already gone. Like some stars, I guess. When something is done, our emotional attachment can last much longer. If I can't go and relive good days then I better make some now. Or I'll regret it. That means I have to take risks. Let me get my notebook.

Dear Nathan, 

I know it's been a long time, and I know it's too late but I miss you. I miss being your friend and talking to you about all sorts of stuff. I miss the adventures we had. Like dressing up as harry potter characters. I miss the games we played. Could you possibly consider reconnecting? It's okay if I am too late. I am sorry about losing touch with you and never making an effort to become friends again. Being around you makes me happy. I think we would still get along well. I am more than willing to make an effort to hang out with you. And if we just don't click anymore, that's okay. Not everything's meant to be. It would mean a lot if you at least wrote back :)

From- My first name and my last name

I'm gonna send it. I can do it. Do you give anything that could make it better? 

But anyways, I feel pretty in control right now. Like I can control my life. I am done with just playing it safe. With great risk comes great reward. And if he hates me then.. I don't know. I'll just have to wait and see. I need to get something else off my chest. Someone told me Nathan had a crush on another girl, I am not gonna lie, it hurt. I kind of belive in soulmates, but i don't really think they need to be romantically involved. They can just be two people who click together. But that's the thing about Nathan, I don't know what I want. If I am jealous of him liking someone else, does that make me attracted to him? But at the same time, most of our friendship was strictly friends  and I did not start thinking about stuff like that for a long time. Maybe I shouldn't force things like this. Let things happen like they want to. Like planets around a star. The sky really is pretty. And I can't get sunburned out here. Is that a star? No, it's just a plane. What would it feel like to slowly enter a star? Probably pretty hot. It would be stunning though.