Fading Resolutions

The sharp and loud sound of the 3-round bangers erupting at the front of the houses down our street kept making me feel ecstatic. It was a dark and chilly night, or morning I should say since it was the first day in the new year and the adjacent church had just concluded its crossover service. The bangers gave no light as the little boys threw them up but it was the 'pa-pa-pa' sound that gives them joy and a little smoke. The real fireworks was on display at several other adjourning streets and I could see them all from my room in my Dad's mansion. They gave real light, aesthetic ones and more rounds than the bangers, with even more loudness.

I sat on my reading chair close to the window, my legs resting on the scattered clothes on my bed. I just couldn't get enough of the chilly air coming in as I held my phone in an inclined position as my head. I was at the moment active on all my social media handles - posting, chatting, calling, liking, tweeting and smiling.

My euphoria could be related to the fact that I ascribed the newly ‘former year’ as a ‘shit year’.

Why?

The year- I could absurdly describe as a Santa Claus with a whip or varieties of whips. Of course, you could never fathom such a thing. We had normal years, I mean on the calendars. We had leap years too, but I wish I could add 'shit' years, because last year was a shit year and only people alive to see this new year could relate.

I was waiting for my best friends message- a new year ritual we do each year since we graduated from college. I had sent mine and fortunately he didn't keep me waiting like he use to do and his came in simultaneously. I took my time in reading them. It was fewer than the few he sent last year.

“Wat's wrong?, the constant didn't made d list. Just like last yr,” I typed and touched the ‘send’ icon. I waited as the ‘typing dots’ pops up and down.

“Av given up on dat dream bro, I can't do it. It's been 7 yrs now and u no I said I see no progress last year so this year am givin up. I'm making no more wastebin-ful efforts. Wat abt u, I saw ur no 5,”

“U don't give up on wat u love—” I stopped typing and erased the message, I didn't want to pry.

“Oh! dat no 5. Am serious, am moving out latest dis mid yr or towards the ending.” Then send.

‘Y+ (laughing emojis)’ was the reply.

“D man is frustrating my life, and I wan start to dey prepare to settle down. U grab?” I waited for his reply but when he seems he wasn't online anymore, I sent him on more message. “Let's meet dis Sunday - d usual spot.”

***

He walked in with a confident gait which was unusual to the friend I knew, who had always been timid. With no tie on the well tucked-in and rolled-sleeved shirt, he looked like he was coming from his work place. He had grew his beards, he wore a dark shade and a wristwatch. I watched him with curiosity, the Lade that I knew never cared about his looks, he had always had this bushy and licey head. His jacket was draped over his shoulder, his shoes were shining. He pulled down his glasses a bit as he looked at the waiter coming towards him and winked at her, she blushed- surprisingly. I smiled, he needn't not scan round the room before seeing me at the usual table beside the window. He walked towards me and and was about to gesticulate probably a salute when he took a misstep and almost tripped over the recently elevated floor- thwarting his almost perfect entrance.

“Careful!” I said pretending to care and suppressing an outburst of laughter.

“Don't worry, am alright,” he replied as he stood up and took his seat opposite mine.

“You feel my entrance?”

“Yea, every step, you've changed,” I answered.

“How is your Dad?”

“He is fine and grumpy as you know him, I haven't told him my decision though.”

“He would miss you, soooo much.”

I shrugged.

“He would adapt, it's normal.”

“So what about you, how is your work. A corporate one I supposed?” I asked.

“Yeah, an Insurance company. I joined them two years ago after I lost my former job. I came to finalize a deal with an agent here so it's a win win for me.”

“That's great.”

“So how is the company?”

“The company has been doing below awesome, our sales really went down last year and I have to figure out how to go by an increase in the percentage this year. I am even organizing a seminar this Friday for our staffs so maybe you might want to come,” I asked wishing he would say yes.

“Hmm, let's see. This Friday, I should be with… humm. Okay, I would try or give you a call that day.”

“Thanks bro.”

I ordered for some drinks as we talked. We reminisced on the things we have had together, our childhood and college days. Days, when our needs were catered for and we needn't worry about anything. We joked, laughed and solemnized. I was kept awe-stricken by the way Lade navigates our conversation, sometimes I would keep on watching him as he talks until he urge me to say something that I was behaving quietly.

“You've changed.”

“What!”

“You've changed bro! Your outspokenness,your confidence and all. You're now a conversationalist,” I said.

“Hunnn, you're mistaken—”

“Except for the fact you might be trying to put on a false humility, would you deny the fact that you've changed.”

He shook his head.

“Those years you spent learning public speaking has paid off, you just don't notice.”

“I don't seem to grab what you're saying because the last time I tried speaking in the public. That was last year at our community's youth carnival, I remembered almost peeing on myself as old as I was. I had to run off the stage and hide my face for two weeks despite the fact that I just had to give a vote of thanks. You see that goal, that dream—”

“You have given up on it. You have told me all over and over. I am not here to encourage you or try to change you mind. I am just telling you that you've changed. The Lade I knew always need someone to speak up for him, the Lade I knew could never bare his heart to a girl he has a crush on not to talk of winking to a sexy waiter,” I said taking a look and the water once again.

Her black and white uniform looks so sexy on her unlike the rest of her fellow female waiter. She had a ponytail and her shiny low-heeled shoes made absolutely no sound as she walked around attending to other customers cheerfully.

“I understand perfectly what you're trying to say. But you know we are older now, you've changed too. All that you said is just natural, to everybody. It isn't about the speaking club, it is….just normal.”

“Well, I know that you've made public speaking a dream since those days when you always disappointed our teachers unable to answer question in the class without shaking or worse, without crying sometimes. You couldn't even present a beautiful project in front of the class, you would look at the ground or the object throughout the time always with a bent head never looking upwards or outwards which—”

“Made you the only friend I had. Yeah, I get that but you can't compare a teenage me to a grown-up me, I had to build a little confidence and I have many friends now,” he said.

“And that's what I am saying, the speaking club helped you build the confi—”

“Stop mentioning the speaking club, do you even know that I was even ridiculed at the damn club after being a member for a total of five years.”

“Wow,” I said avoiding to say too much since it seems he was about to vent out something that had grieved him much for some time. He continued as I had expected but his voice grew slightly higher and angry.

“I heard one of the elder members and co-founder telling another one day how I wasn't cut out to be a speaker but always as part of the audience- a listener. I was shocked that the people I have considered friends were bad mouthing. I was more than a member, I had been in the club for five years, five solid years and I know everybody and how everything goes. I have seen people come and go at the club, I was respected, probably it was all a facade. I grew angry, I spoke with the real proprietor whom I revered most, you won't believe that he said there was an iota of truth in what the man's said. I knew immediately I had been in the midst of the wrong set of people without knowing it. What made me leave the damn club was when the man said it to my face one day that I was the worst member in the club and I had contributed nothing to the club and no one stood up to on my behalf in defence.”

“Ohh! Am so sorry, is that the reason you stopped putting it on New year's resolutions list and decided to give up on it finally.”

He nodded as he took a sip from his cold drink to calm his nerves.

“I got to thinking - I concluded they were right, I contributed almost nothing to the club. I don't even pay my dues. The last time I tried to address them I forgot everything I wanted to say. I apologized and went back to pick up the paper I had written it on, but when I got to the stage again. I couldn't speak the words I had written on the paper, my legs started shaking and soon my hands, till I dropped the microphone and ran out of the stage altogether. So now, I am never going to try hold a microphone again, I have disgraced myself enough.”

“Hmmm. But you know a lot of people go a long distance in achieving what they want but some people get too tired and give up when it remains just a step for them to achieve their goals. You shouldn't stop neither give up, continue trying and failing, one day you might surprise yourself.”

“Toast to the motivational speaker,” he said raising his glass up. We clinked our glasses and laughed.

“Please try to come on that day,” I told him a while later as we stood up to leave.

***

I hurriedly whispered somethings needing correction to the ears of the event planner. The seminar was about to take off. I had to organize such a seminar like this if we do not want our business to wane like the former year. Changes must be made especially in terms of our marketing .

I sat beside Lade an hour into the seminar. He came late as usual, he apologized as I gave him the handout.

He gulped.

“What is my name doing on this list. Last speaker…Marketin.. I didn't come hear to speak. Am not even prepared,” he cried out.

I shrugged. “You don't need to prepare, just go up there and talk on the things you do everyday. You are a sales agent right?”

“Ohh!, I thought you were my friend, why would you want to embarrass me in front of your employees!”

“Calm down,” I said as I noticed that the people sitting close by were looking at us.

“Am not trying to embarrass you or any sort. I am just doing what a real friend would do. But you can decide to stay and speak or leave,” I said and walked away from him quickly so as to hear no more of his complaints. He didn't leave, he sat there confidently, clapping and smiling after each event. He was even talking with the people that sat close too him about the seminar and all. But as the seminar comes close to an end after some hours after we have had refreshments, he grew restless and start looking around.

“I believe we all aren't tired yet. So I have going to call our last speaker for the day—Mr Lade Williams, a sales agent at the Peak Insurance plc,” the emcee said.

I clap my hands more as he came towards the stage, winking at him and giving him a thumbs up. I knew he could do it, I knew I made the right choice calling him. Moreover, he was the right person. I had called his company and made research and it was made known to me that he was the best agent they ever had.

He let out a deep sigh as he stood on the stage, he gulped again.

“It..has..be..en….a..great day…program… I ….feel..honn…ou.. honoured..” His hands were shaking, his right leg were also shaking. His thick voice lost it's thickness and he started sweating. He looked at where I stood, shaking my head. He left the stage and went out, I ran to the stage immediately.

“I request you all to pardon my friend, he has a lot going on lately and he is trying to get hold of himself. Just a minute,” I lied after which I ran after him.

“What, I told you I couldn't do it but you were so persistent,” he said as I caught up with him

“I am not blaming you for anything but you were doing just perfectly fine. ”

“Perfectly fine, my leg and my hands were shaking involuntarily, I was speaking like a sissy and you say it's perfectly fine! ”

“Yeah, your legs and hands probably want you to do something with them and you didn't sound like a.. sissy to me,” I said almost laughing.

He didn't respond.

“You can do it, just look at my face when you are speaking. Only my face.”

“Ok, but—”

“No buts, let's go.”

I gestured to the audience to clap as he went up the stage again and he started.

“I am to share some information with you on the ever dynamic market. Some tips and tricks, ...... strategies and all. As you've known, Lade Williams is my name and I am a sales agent in the biggest insurance company in this city, the Peak Insurance company. And last year I was awarded the best salesman of the year at the company. It is all—”

He was doing alright but the moment he took his eyes off me, he started shaking again. But he continued, he had the words and he spoke smoothly not breaking up the sentences. Then he started walking up and down the stage on sale he stopped shaking after he said something funny. His voice got thicker and louder than usual immediately he got accustomed with what he was doing, he even had a smiling face, he was speaking eloquently.

“Let me give you an example. I went to this city some months ago to meet with one of the leaders. He was a hard man, to convince him wasn't a doodle task. But when—”

He knew he had only half an hour to speak but he didn't check his watch. He kept on talking and talking, even when I gestured at him to be mindful the time, he ignored me. He kept the audience engrossed in his speech. He called out a man and a woman from the audience for illustration of a point and kept the rest focused.

When he finally said the ‘thank you’, the ovation accorded to him rocked the hall. He smiled and walked towards me, he hugged me so tightly until I started coughing.

“Thanks bro,” he said.

“You were superb there. Yours was the best today,” I said patting him on the back.

“You leave the best for the last,” he said laughing.

Some women approached us while we were talking seeking to speak with him, so I gave them some privacy and also went to appreciate some employees and sponsors also as we dispersed for the day.

“Thanks for the other time bro, I am really grateful,” he said as we spoke over the phone later that night.

“I always knew you could do it, you had the passion, and sometimes the passion is all you need.”

“What do you think? maybe I should set up a club of mine too,” he asked.

“That would certainly be a good idea.”