Breaking the Baby Mill

My family has a saying that has long held true: “The first baby can come at any time, but any subsequent babies take 9 months.” My great-grandparents (on my mom’s side) followed that tradition, as did every one of my grandparents’ siblings. My grandparents, however, broke that tradition, and their children and grandchildren have all followed in their footsteps. 

My great-great aunt married someone (while probably pregnant) who had gotten other ladies pregnant and escaped to Canada. Another great-great aunt scandalously got married late in her pregnancy and divorced her husband after a couple years. A great aunt was pregnant during both of her weddings! And these stories are just the tip of a still-existing family tradition. My family history is chalk full of shotgun weddings and “siblings” who were born with large gaps between earlier siblings and them. And they’ve had many, many families with 10+ children born over a relatively short period of time. At least, you can say that love has been running rampant through my family for generations. 

In 1910, George and Florence Bourdess married. Six months later, their first of 10 children arrived. True to our family saying, the first baby only took 6 months, but all the rest took 9 months. One of those babies was a fierce child named Esther. Esther was raised by her 5 older sisters but was closest to her older brother. The Bourdess house was full of strong women; Esther learned to be a strong woman, too. When World War 2 began, Esther wanted to do what she could on the homefront. With two friends and her younger sister, she went to Baltimore to work in a factory that made airplane parts. Her favorite brother enlisted. Esther considered enlisting in the Army as well, but her brother dissuaded these notions. “The Army is no place for a sister of mine.” Instead, Esther used that passion for other things.

In 1916, Rufus and Dora Krepps married. About 7 months later, they had their first of 9 children, although he died a month later. This early loss shaped their future love of their children and made them treasure each one. Rufus and Dora even took in a child who was not theirs to raise. Harold was the second oldest son. He was shaped by growing up during the Great Depression and came to age during WWII. He worked hard, learned to do things on his own for little money, and became a great farmer and land owner. He enlisted shortly before the war ended and became a part of the Italian occupation. 

Both the Bourdess and Krepps children had a passion for life that led them to love early, and occasionally fall for the wrong person. Harold and Esther watched their siblings get married early and start their families shortly afterwards. They watched as some siblings had too many children to handle and turn to their parents and siblings for assistance. They learned that passion isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

Shortly after Harold returned from Italy and Esther from Baltimore, a common cousin (related by marriage to both families) introduced them to each other. Harold and Esther were both devout members of the Brethren church and did not believe in enjoying the privileges of marriage before the wedding ceremony. They waited two years before having their first child. 

Harold and Esther saw their siblings have child after child and fall further into poverty. They noticed the correlation between more children and poverty and unhappiness. They wanted to create a lasting love that didn’t overwhelm them. 

Instead, Esther and Harold put their passions into other things. Harold bought his own dairy farm and rebuilt a house for their young family. Esther used her talents to encourage education in their children and made clothes, quilts, and more when they couldn’t afford to buy those things. They became self-sufficient. Esther taught her daughters to be strong women and rule the house. She encouraged a love of learning and music. She wrote Senators about problems the people of the area were facing in an eloquent way that brought forth action. 

The Krepps had 6 children over a span of 14 years. The long timeline between kids helped their finances and allowed them to save enough money for each kid to go to college, something neither of them had been able to do. They lived for the good of their children. Even at the ends of their lives, they did everything they could to be there for their families and made the transition from life to death as easy as possible for their children and extended families.

Harold and Esther saw how each of their siblings had been forced into a marriage and did not want the same for their children. They encouraged their children to think about their actions and find love. Even now, their grandchildren follow their example and search for an equal partner to start their families, not marrying because of circumstances. 

Harold and Esther succeeded in their quest to educate their children and create a better life than they had. Their children learned to think critically but still obey the word of God and the letter of his laws, including not enjoying the pleasures of marriage beforehand. But they, first and foremost, believed in supporting their family and treating them with respect. Two of my cousins have gotten divorced; my grandparents supported their decision as what was best for them. They even supported my one cousin’s decision to get an abortion as the best thing for her. They believed that education and supporting their family were the best ways to leave an amazing family legacy.

Now their family legacy includes a different kind of baby mill. Of the 15 grandchildren and step-grandchildren, 12 of them have gotten married and produced 16 great-grandchildren, with more to come. But of these 12 couples, each one has had at most 3 children and great jobs for their amazing education. All are following their dreams (or modified-over-time dreams).