An Uncertain Romance

Don’t tell anyone, but I messed up.

I’m used to messing up my own life, but this is too much, even for me. Everyone involved didn’t have to get hurt and it’s unfortunate that they did. At that moment, they felt everything while I could no nothing. This got complicated fast, and everything fell apart as soon as it began. What an uncertain romance.

I started working at this contact center for one of the biggest names in the automotive industry. I answered the phone.Why people call the manufacturer at eight in the morning is beyond me. I was at the bottom of the barrel and for the longest, I thought I couldn’t do more. I lived with my girlfriend at the time with her brother who was going to school. They were both older than me and she worked in the automobile industry as well. He decided to go back to work. I worked two jobs at that time to make up for the fact that she had supported me when I did not have a job for a month. I decided to dedicate my life doing odd jobs in pursue of opening my own teashop. She had a reliable profession working for an up-and-coming electric manufacturer. I failed at the teashop and failed even worse securing a job. I did everything I could to make the home feel welcomed but it still wasn’t enough, I can remember when she yelled that she supported me when I didn’t have a job. I guess that’s where the fear of being a failure all my life stemmed from.

Eventually things did get better, when I started working. My job was to pick up the phone, document their concern and make absolutely no promises. This first job leadto a second one scrubbing the floors of the meat department at my local grocery store. Every day, I would divide my time between jobs to make sure the lights stayed on. For now I’m going to focus on the contact center was divided into three sections with subset divisions. The big two sections consisted of the technical support and the rest was warranties. I worked in the technical support and for the longest I did not make any friends. I made friends with a homosexual who soon got fired for attendance. Turns out people have a problem talking to others over the phone. Who knew?

I kept to myself mostly. That was because I was unapproachable. If anyone wants to know what unapproachable means, it means you are ugly. That’s why people tend to avoid me. So I keep to myself, but if anyone ever wants to talk to me they will find out that I am actually kind spirited. I worked in technology support and the only guy who was ever nice to me was the most handsome guy in the department, good old Kevin. Kevin was a man in his thirties who still lived at home. The only difference between him and a shut in was that he was handsome. When I started to hang out with him, other people saw and they decided to include me, not by choice but by association. The worst part was I still don’t get invited to anywhere outside of work.

Eventually we made a mutual friend who was deeply in love with Kevin. She was a gorgeous white girl with a heart so big, it would make you want to protect her from everything. Slowly but surely, we all started to become a little closer eventually learning about our personal lives. I would never tell them mine for being embarrassed. I have a problem with speaking to someone personally which came from childhood. Growing up my mom would always say “quieto mas bonito.” If you translate that it means the quieter you are the better you look in spanish. She thought I talked too much which didn’t really work out since I stopped talking to anyone. I don’t say anything unless you ask. So there I was with two new friends but things didn’t change until the third friend showed up. She just finished her training class with the white girl and she immediately was the most popular girl in all of warranty side. She was well like, soft spoken, and clever. Her beauty made it hard to keep away from her and one day out of the blue she sends me a private message asking for help. 

Her name was silla and she had a question about a radio on a vehicle. It was out of the blue and if I could remember correctly,it was actually really nice to have someone to talk too. She would send one message,and I would send another and the whole workday just kind of disappeared. Eventually I got the courage to go speak to her at her desk. When I tell you I saw her in person it my legs got weak, I started to shake, and everything was keeping me from dancing. It was our first conversation, and it became my favorite because I didn’t say anything wave and an offer to bite my rice krispy treat.

We developed a friendship and started to talk about more personally. When I first told her I had a girlfriend she immediately tried to block me on the platform. She was serious too but she couldn’t find the block button. She too was in a serious relationship with a thirty four year oldman who she has had a child with. They tried to make it work but the adultery was too much for her and she started to look the other way for the coparenting.

Her whole relationship was built around that way. They met while he was still engaged and when they got together it shouldn’t have been a surprised that he will always cheat on her. The sad part was it happened three times and she stayed but silently she was emotionally uninterested. That was because when you ruin your reputation with a person, you no longer are viewed as the same person from before. You’re judged on your actions not your potential.

I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. It just happened. I felt this way after she brought me a plate of Chinese food from the around the world potluck at work. She didn’t have too but she did and it was the most incredible food ive ever had in the office. Then began the texting every night and she slowly became my best friend. She really inspired me to become the best person I can be. The reality was I was a heavy drinker when I met her. This combined with drugs caused me to go into a downward spiral. Having her by my side gave me the courage to change my life around with working out and eating right and sooner or later I found myself planning. A plan to leave my relationship. 

In the relationship I was in, I wasn’t allowed to have friends unless they were approved by my girlfriend because she believed I would cheat on her with women. I’ve never cheated until Silla came to the picture and that was because I had found out through my girlfriends computer that she has been cheating on me with a coworker of hers. The relationship has not been the same since she lost her respect for not being responsible. She was constantly emotion monitoring me to make sure she covers her tracks. This is a manipulation tactic where you constantly make sure to check in on your partner to reassure thateverything is currently fine.

I allowed all that to happen because I didn’t care. Not until I found silla. I wanted to be with her all the time. That wasn’t possible since she lived with her family up in the wealthy hills and I lived with my girlfriend and her older brother where we could barely afford to eat. I couldn’t compete and I understand I should not comparable but it is hard knowing that they go out to enjoy life while I have to stay at home because all my money goes to paying for all the bills. Things did change. My girlfriend got fired and had to pick up a couple of odd jobs in the meantime. It wasn’t until her brother was struggling with both school and a job that she had decided to work with me at the contact center. At the same office. Where I worked with silla. With her experience, Sheimmediately got hired and placed in the same department as silla just in the earlier shift. That was such a relief for me because I can still talk to silla when she leaves. What I failed to understand was silla was a person too. She had feelings and thoughts and she was upset because she became close too but I was in a relationship and so was she. At some points she would become very frustrated and give me the cold shoulder but that because she was feeling jealousy over the fact that I had a girlfriend. She didn’t want to continue this way, but we got so attachedit was hard to stop.

Her boyfriend was obvious to the situation. He was clearly fooling around with another women which turned out to be true!.The sad part was he not only hurt silla but he hurt his family. I only know all this because one day she texted me while crying. She found messages on his phone from his old girlfriend and apparently they just wanted to say hello. Bullshit. I’ve seen the guyand nobody would say hello. If I ever see him I’m fighting. That’s not a promise, that’s a warning. I’ve been practicing my kicks so keep an eye out.

We got to the point where she was wantingmore and so was I. We had become intimate all while staying in our relationships. What scumbags. My routine looked like this. I would work out with my girlfriend in the morning, make her a protein shake and breakfast and lunch. I would then do cardio and come back and get ready making sure I looked good for silla. They worked in the same department but they were no where near each other. Better for me that way. I eventually moved up and made it to the manager side where I spend all my time pretending to work. I spend my time evenly talking to both until my girlfriend leaves and I spend all my time with silla. I still remember when we kissed that day. I had broken up with her and as I was saying goodbye I gave her a kiss. She was trying her hardest not to laugh when I hit the back of my head on the roof of her car. It was marshmallow soft and I wanted more but she everything was too much for her.

We had developed an unhealthy addiction with one another. An endless cycle of break up, make up and not talk over the weekend so our significant others don’t get suspicious. It was very complicated especially the part where she would get jealous when my girlfriend would come up to my desk. She wouldn’t want to speak with me for the rest of the day. She hated knowing that I was with someone else and I hated everything about her boyfriend. We both felt guilty to an extent but something about our connection makes us uncertain about everything. We just click like nothing else matters and every time were not around each other we chase that high. I felt that before but not like this. That’s the part where I messed up. I just couldn’t keep away.

Months go by like this and there was an upcoming event. It was an office night and we all had to come for mandatory attendance. The CEO was speaking on behalf of a new vehicle that will hit the market soon and wanted us all there for a big celebration. I was forced to go because I was part of the manager department, and my girlfriend was too. Silla did not want to go and could not go because her and her boyfriend were trying to get pregnant with their second child. When I found that out I was definitely hurt by it but I learned that I had to put her happiness first, not my own because like I said, this relationship shouldn’t be happening. She didn’t want to go to the event and was excused because she wasn’t feeling well. 

We both got dressed up to go to the ceremony and I was dressed in all black with boots. My girlfriend wore a beautiful dress and made sure her hair looked good because she wanted to show off in front of the call center. We drove, parked and walked to the corner of the second warehouse where there was a live orchestra, chairs and decorations. I saw a lot of people I knew, and they all looked verydifferent outside of work! Usually it looks like they just had woken up but wow, what a nice surprise.

The event started soon after. They had us all sit down while the CEO walked straight to the podium and the horns started to play from the orchestra. He raised his hand and then with a swift moment he swooshed it down and the music stopped. The banner read “Welcome to the future.” The crowd was silent and he started to speak. He said “Ladies and gentleman, here we have ten years in the making, the first vehicle of it’s kind. The first vehicle made for the future.” He pointed to the vehicle and it was a polished black compact vehicle. The kind a soccer mom would drive. The speech went on like that for a while but I didn’t really pay attention since I haven’t had anything to eat. It wasn’t until I heard the music play softly that I realized that drumroll meant something amazing was going to happen. I look up and see him announce that he is proud to be the first owner of the vehicle, and he wants everyone to be as excited about it as he was. He got inside the vehicle and with his arm out the window he waved. He pressed on the break and turned on the vehicle and it was quiet. No noise. Then you can see smoke come out from the hatch and a loud cracking noise. In a matter of seconds the car had burst into flames and all you can hear is screaming from the people in the front row. The wind from the explosion hit me in the face and there it was. The future blown up. 

The vehicle was relatively small, but the explosion was massive. It blew out the lights and a lot of people started to panic. You can hear the CEO scream at the top of his lungs for someone to help but he couldn’t open the door. The electrical locking systems malfunctioned, and he was trapped. He was being burnt alive. There was nowhere to run and security tried to calm people down but there were screams coming from all directions. Some people started to cry and others were dragging their friends to a corner to check up on them. My ears were ringing, and I couldn’t hear but I believe my girlfriend was trying to call to me. She said, “we should go”. I nodded and we got up from our seats and headed out. Behind us a lamp post knocked itself over and caused a fire trail to lead to the delivery trucks. One by one all the trucks started to blow and there was no way to get out other than to wait for the crowd to lessen. We rushed out panicking not knowing what to do. I had desperately walked to our car with her hand and hand. We walked straight into a crash where a car reversed and hit another trying to get out. We tried to get to the car but there waspeople running everywhere. Nobody let us through and we rushed to get the car. That’s where I saw her. She was waiting for me at my car. Silla was there.

She had a panicked look on her face almost as if she was running. I said “hey whatsgoing on.” Out of breath she said “he’s coming, he knows.” The shock I had in my body when I heard that for the first time. I couldn’t believe it. I immediately grabbed her by the shoulders and firmly shook “What do you mean? Who’s coming.” She looked at me with those beautiful eyes full of panic. She said “my boyfriend.”

I looked at her and she looked at me back and all I could think of to say was “what?” It turns out earlier in the day she wasn’t feeling good so she took a nap. She had been re-reading our text messages and forgot to lock her phone. He came up to her and to check and saw all the messages. He grabbed her phone and woke her up demanding who’s this and what this was. He smashed her phone and got in his car and drove straight to her work place. She didn’t know what to do so she followed but took a short cut to tell me since her phone was smashed. She got here before he did and found my car and waited. She saw missed the whole explosion by just seconds and saw the panic. She didn’t know what he was going to do. My girlfriend looked at us and said“whats going on?” Before I could answer allI hear in the back was “Hey Fucker!”

​​​​​​The End.