I Don't Have Answers

This was a bad idea. 

Why couldn’t I help myself? I tried to quench the shakiness in my fist as I pulled open the old wood door. With nothing more than a groan, it invited me into its jaws. Every muscle in my body resisted when I pushed it closed, encasing myself in the barn.

The humidity hit me swiftly, carrying with it the thick scent of putrid wood. I breathed in heavily before clicking on the flashlight, crossing my fingers tightly behind my back. 

Relief came over me in an instant as the light flashed and illuminated the shelter. It was an awful sight, paint peeling off the walls and crumbling as it fell to the dirty ground. Wooden beams were soggy, blackened by time and missing chunks that had long ago rotted away.

But it had what I was looking for, a hiding spot. 

Bundled hay sat at the back corner, stacked up vertically and horizontally, making an L shape that hugged the wood walls. I jogged over to the space, and peered down into the spot. Leftover hay lined the bottom, and I could easily climb up into it. If I pried two of the haystacks apart an inch, I could peer through without being spotted.

The prospect of coming face to face with my father’s supposed killers was invigorating, and yet terrified me to bits. I had my camera ready in my school backpack, for proof of their crimes. I would catch the famed Men of Wrath in the act, I swore on it.

A clatter from the barn door made me jump, and after a brief moment of stillness, my body kicked into motion. Climbing on top of one of the haystacks, I managed to pull myself on top of the second one. I fell roughly into the patch at the same time as the barn door was pulled open.

Every muscle stiff in fear, I listened to the careful footsteps of the intruder. I dared not shift, and I realized instantly the main flaw in my setup. I could not move, or I would be caught.

I dared a look at my watch, 10:23, they weren’t supposed to arrive until 10:30. So who was this mysterious person, poking around the barn?

I held my breath as the footsteps neared, the tik tok of my watch seeming louder than ever. My chest ached desperately for air, but I refused to breathe with the person so close. One gasp would alert them to my presence. 

My chest gave out before the footsteps went away, and I covered my mouth quickly in shock. Only jostling the hay, the motion created more noise than it stifled. The visitor had not left the outside of the haystacks, and the pit of my stomach dropped. 

Carefully, I decided to sit up. Gently prying two haystacks apart, less than an inch, I peered through the crack it created. 

And I saw a scar.

On his left ankle, a burn mark in the familiar shape of two snakes intertwined, both with menacing tongues that threatened pain. The shaking from before intensified, each breath became shallow and quick. 

A Man of Wrath was less than a foot from me, and I was cornered. I cursed myself mentally, feeling small in his presence. No, no, no, no, I wanted to scream as a hand wrapped around the top of a haystack. Stop, leave me alone! I was forced to watch as my only layer of protection was hauled away, thrown loosely to the side. Leaving me face to face with the last person I wanted to see.

“Darius?!” I gasped, forcing myself to not relax at the sight of him. The scar, Darius was part of the Men of Wrath group. My shaking hand morphed into a tight fist, anger coursing through my veins. 

He looked surprised to see me, but his face was devoid of all warmth. This was not the same man who would look after me when my father went on work trips, the awkward yet kind Darius. It had been years since I saw him, soft wrinkles lined his forehead and strands of grey hair emerged from his roots.

“Annalise?” Was all he said at first, pinching his forehead in confusion. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at home helping your mom.”

“It’s Anna,” I corrected. “And mom’s asleep.” I stood up, dusting the hay off my jeans. How did he know I was supposed to be home? He hadn’t visited in years. 

“You can’t be here.” Darius checked his watch. 

I tried to be sneaky, reaching into my bag to pull out the camera. My intention was to ask Darius why I could not be there, and have him confess to involvement with the Men of Wrath. However, my stealth did not match my ambitions, and he snatched the camera before I could even start taping.

“Annalise,” He sighed. “You stupid, stupid girl.”

“Give me my camera back!” I insisted. He held up the camera as if to say This old thing? I grabbed for it, and he pulled it away. 

“Did you tell anyone you would be here tonight?” He asked. “Anybody know your plans?”

I attempted to climb over the haystacks to avoid the question, anger still fresh. How could he be part of the group that brutally murdered my father, and so many others?

“Hey!” He yelled at me as he pulled me back down into the corner. His eyes were wild yet focused. “Answer the question!” His hand lingered on my arm.

I tried to push off his grip, but it was unrelenting. I realized that moment how big Darius was. 

“No,” I breathed, sinking into the hay in defeat. “I didn’t tell anyone.” 

He seemed to relax at my words, but didn’t completely untense. His hand came off my arm after a few moments, leaving it sore and red. I checked my watch again, 10:25. 

“Darius.” His eyes met mine. I could barely speak through the lump of emotions in my throat. “What's gonna happen to me?” My heart lurched. “What happened to my dad?”

A hint of softness flashed across his face. He didn’t answer my question, opting to purse his lips and turn his back to me instead. “Darius!” I yelled at him, my nerves on fire. Anger dominated over intense fear and grief, spurring me into motion.

He turned to me as I jumped at him, latching my legs around his neck like dad taught me. He grunted and tried to swat me off, and I dodged his feeble attempts. “What happened to my father?!” I hissed. 

“You know what happened to him!” Darius insisted. 

“No! I don’t” I struggled to stay on top of him as he wildly shifted his balance in an attempt to fling me off. “I never saw the body, police wouldn’t tell me except that they suspected his disappearance was associated with you!” 

“We didn’t kill your father, Annalise!” I loosened my legs in shock, and Darius managed to lean forward so I slipped off his back. 

I wasn’t sure whether it was the fall that took my breath away, or the admission. I struggled to inhale and exhale naturally. 

“What?” Was all I could manage before sitting up. Darius loomed over me as I sat up, my back aching profusely. “Where is he?”

“Anna,” He said softly. “You have to go.”

“No!” I stood. “You can’t just tell me something like that, and then force me to leave! That’s not fair!”

He checked his watch, and I checked mine. 10:28.

I felt torn in half, fear telling me to run. Curiosity and underlying grief forced me to stand where I was. “Two minutes.” I acknowledged the time. “I’m not leaving until I know more about my father.” 

“What makes you think it’s two minutes? What if I’m just curious about the time?”

“I’m not stupid, I don’t randomly come in here at night. I know they’re coming at 10:30.” I rolled my eyes.

“But-” Darius stuttered, the first time he had in the conversation. “How did you know? Where and when?”

The words tumbled from my mouth without permission. “Every single person that was, well, murdered, things were within a mile of here. When you find the connecting location, the barn is the closest abandoned shelter. Police declared each person missing in the morning, therefore it happens at night every time. A group of teens I watched came here at 8:30 to watch the sunset, and then left at about 9:30. The normal time to wait would be an hour, and since your group is very organized, I guessed 10:30. Your frequent watch checking and inspection of the building about ten minutes early tells me it’s 10:30.”

My voice was analytical, separate from the whole situation. Behind the words was another statement: I’ve been planning this for weeks.

The tik tok of my watch was the only sound in the barn except Darius and my breathing. 10:29, one minute until they came. I dashed away, desperate for time and answers.

“Annalise!” He called out for me. My heart beat fast and hard, as I pulled myself on top of one of the partially rotted wooden beams. Darius looked up at me, reaching up for my ankles. I just kicked his hands away, stalling for time. I needed to see the Men of Wrath, and Darius could not stop me. I tried to ignore the intense sagging of the wood I sat on.

The barn door croaked with use, and I inhaled sharply, my eyes trained on the crack between the barn doors.

Darius teared his eyes away from me to the people piling into the barn. Every one of them glanced up to watch me, looking angrily at Darius. I was shocked at the sheer number of people coming in, probably around 20 when they all arrived. 

I stared at one of the members, his face too familiar to deny. His features engraved in my mind, from my childhood up until two weeks before. The face in the pictures hanging on the walls.

The tears came hot and fast with the realization of Darius’s truth, a weight lifted off of my shoulders.

“Dad?” I choked out. I couldn’t say anything else, just the one word chorused in my head. The other members glanced over at him, confused. Darius was meek, his face beet red with embarrassment.

“I couldn’t get her restrained,” Darius admitted. “She was stubborn.”

“Annalise, is it?” A man I didn’t recognize spoke, looking up at me. I wiped away my tears and nodded. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought you killed my father, that’s what they said.” I pursed my lips, willing myself to stop talking. Something lodged in my throat. “I wanted revenge.”

When it was clear I was not saying any more, the man probed. “How did you plan to do that?”

“I had a camera, before Darius took it.” I admitted. Talking to the man calmed me down, sobered me. “I was going to film what was going to happen tonight.”

“How did you know…” He began to ask. 

“Darius knows. I’m not explaining it again.” I kept my sentences short, unable to tear my eyes away from my father.

The man looked confused, and Darius quickly filled him in. My father held eye contact with me, but did not mouth I love you like usual, or form a heart with his hands. He seemed as shocked to see me as I was to see him.

“You are a very smart girl.” The unfamiliar man was condescending. “Your father raised you well. Except for your lack of respect for rules.” I didn’t know what to say. “But breaking rules has consequences, dear.” The beam cracked under my weight, sagging even more as if to reinforce his words.

“You can either climb down or fall down,” The man said. “Your choice.”

“I know that!” I snapped. “What else does cracking wood mean?” The group collectively gasped at my harshness. I guessed the man was their leader, disrespecting him was a crime. I could care less as panic seized my chest.

“Sweetheart.” My dad’s voice called up at me. I turned to it, trying desperately to not cry. “Come down.” He used his sweet-talking voice, the one he used to coax me out of my room when I was upset. 

“You left,” I accused him, though I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms. “I need to know why, what happened.” My voice was rough from crying, and my words visibly stung him. The wood cracked again, falling inches. Darius moved away from directly below the beam.

“You aren’t going to know that,” the leader interjected. “You aren’t going to remember anything that happens tonight. You are going to wake up at home, and Darius is going to monitor you closely. No matter what choice you make, this will be the outcome.”

The wood cracked again, and I instinctively backed away closer to the post it was connected to. It was sagging at the connection, the whole beam was going down. 

“The way you describe it, it seems as if it is drug-induced amnesia. But that would have needed to happen before you even got here.” Realization dawned on me. Darius had a ring, with a sharp needle protruding from it. I could barely see it, but the metal glistened in the light from 20 flashlights. His tight grip on my arm.

“Why haven’t I passed out yet?” I asked, feeling clear and awake as ever. 

The man shook his head and smiled at my realization. “We don’t use regular drugs, Annalise. What good would it do to sedate you before we all met you and knew your motivations?”

“Darius knew my motivations. Why was he telling me to leave?”

“Because Darius is stupid, thinking you would drop the issue if you left.” It was an insult, and Darius flinched. “But he did one thing right, the injection has circulated by now. Once you come down, we can clean up this mess and activate it.”

As if on queue, the beam finally gave out, and I clutched at the pust, but the wet wood just let me slide down. Darius came towards me, his ring shining brightly. 

“But I don't have answers!” I yelled, trying to kick him away. “Dad -” It was a last ditch effort, and Darius grabbed my arm tightly. Within seconds, the flashlights blinked out.

The sunlight shone into my room, my blinds ajar. I found I was still in day clothes, and struggled to remember why. I was going to do something last night, something important…

“Anna!” Mother called from the hallway. “We have a visitor, get up!” 

I forced myself to sit up, a pulsing headache making me flinch. My back was sore, likely from sleeping odd. I must have been very tired going to bed, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Staggering into the hallway, I attempted to look at least somewhat awake for the guest.

When I came out into the hallway to see the mysterious visitor, I was met with a face from another time. 

“Darius!” I greeted him. “What brings you here? It’s been a while.” Fatigue weighed me down, but I just smiled through it. 

“Just checking in, as a family friend.” His smile was small, but it was all we usually got from Darius. “I’ve moved back to the neighbourhood for my new job, so I figured I could drop in and help every once in a while.”

“How kind of him!” Mother exclaimed. “Would you like some tea? Make yourself at home.” Darius nodded and thanked her, his eyes trained on me more than usual. As soon as she left, he approached me.

“Annalise, how are you feeling?” I groaned at the thought of my headache. 

“Pretty bad, I slept bad last night and my back is killing me. I should drink some water too, I’ve got a mad headache.” My mouth was dry, and I ran my fingers through my messy hair. “Sorry you have to see me like this.”

He shook his head. “Not a problem. Why’d you sleep bad last night?” He asked, probing even further. When I shrugged and turned away, he grabbed my shoulder. “Answer me.”

I stilled, and turned back to face him. “Does it matter?” I fired back. “And don’t touch me.” I pushed his hand off my shoulder. He pinched his brows, seemingly contemplating something.

“You need to tell me what you remember from last night.” He finally hissed at me, pulling me into my bedroom for privacy. Sitting down on the bed, I bit my lip, trying to figure out what was going on. 

“What happened last night?” I finally asked. “You obviously know, and I was planning to…” The thought came to a dead end. “I was planning to…” I struggled to complete the sentence. 

“It’s okay Annalise, that’s all I needed to know.” When he began to leave the room, I grabbed his wrist.

“Darius,” I pleaded. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s better that way.” He said, quickly flicking my hand away and leaving the room. “Trust me.”