Unfulfilled

In novels, the weather typically reflects the mood. Today would have been a dreary day if this held any truth. Rain would pitter-patter on windows with an empty echo, and the sky would bellow out with loud cries of thunder. Instead, it was a crisp autumn day. The sun shined through the shifting clouds, and slight gusts of winds ruffled the leaves. 

In a quaint sitting room are two people. To the rest of the world, they are nobodies. Just a tiny insignificant part of the world compared to the billions that walk this planet. To them, they are everything. As they wait in awkward silence, it feels like there is the most dreadful storm brewing within the room. 

Caitlyn shifts her weight back and forth between her feet while wringing her hands. Ryan is sitting on the couch, although he is debating standing up. He has come to realize that Caitlyn has an advantage from her position. When they begin speaking, he will have to look up to meet her gaze, thus giving her a feeling of superiority. 

Caitlyn gives away the upper hand despite her obvious advantage. She decides to speak first, “This is so silly, all you have to do is apologize! Then we can forget this whole stupid problem.” 

Ryan grunts angrily, “Apologize? I did absolutely nothing wrong.” 

“Do you even know how you made me feel?” Caitlyn questions trying to keep her emotions at an even level. 

“Can you quit playing the victim? I'm not a villain. Therefore you are not a victim. I have no control over girls approaching me. Do you want me to wear a sign that labels me as your boyfriend?” Ryan tugs at his shirt aggressively for added emphasis. 

“That’s not what I’m even saying! God, do you even listen to a word I say?” 

“What are you saying then?” Ryan fails to keep the exasperation from his tone. 

“It’s like you crave this attention from other girls like I’m not enough for you. Like my affection and utter devotion does not fulfill you. So instead, you seek it out from random girls.” 

“How do I seek out this attention, huh? Can you give me an example? Because it sounds to me like you're pulling these accusations out of thin air.” 

“Anytime we go to a restaurant you flirt with the waiter, right in front of me. When girls ask for your number, you tell them, I’m extremely flattered that a beautiful lady wants my number, but unfortunately, I’m tied down to his cranky pants over here. Or something along those lines. I can’t even imagine how you act when I’m not around.” 

“First off, I never flirt with the waiter. I’m just a friendly person. Do you expect me to be rude? And letting down those random girls in a nice way is to prevent hurt feelings. It takes confidence to ask someone out and I recognize that. But if that makes you insecure, I can tell them to f-off and inform them that they’re ugly.” 

Caitlyn rubs her hand across her face. “I never said I want you to insult random girls or be rude to the waitress. Stop twisting everything I say, I’m not the bad guy here-” 

“Oh! So I’m the bad guy! I’m mister evil who is too much of a meanie to hurt random girls' feelings!” 

Caitlyn clenches her hand with evident frustration while Ryan rolls his eyes. “Why is it so hard for you to act normal around waitresses? Just tell her what you want to eat and drink, say thank you, and move on. And for all these sad, lonely girls whose self-worth depends on you rejecting them nicely, I think you can handle just saying I have a girlfriend, sorry.” 

“You’re so controlling, where’s the trust in this relationship?” Ryan adds in disbelief. 

“Asking you to not flirt with other girls is not controlling! I shouldn’t even have to tell you not to flirt with other people.” 

“The difference is I’m not flirting. You’re controlling every interaction I have with anyone that I could be attracted to.” 

“You’re impossible! I can’t deal with this, I physically cannot.” Caitlyn fights the tears forming in her eyes as she storms out of the room. Ryan flops back onto the sofa with his hand on his head. 

Caitlyn locks the bathroom door behind her and starts sobbing. Meanwhile, Ryan continues to calmly lay on the couch and ponder his options for dealing with his girlfriend's hysteria. He can hear Caitlyn’s wailing, and it makes him want to hit his head against a wall. 

Minutes tick by and Caitlyn has transformed her sobs into heaving and hiccups. Her eyes are red and puffy. Snot dribbles out of her nose, and tissues decorate the surrounding area. At this moment, she looks in the mirror and begins sobbing harder at her repulsiveness. 

No wonder I’m not enough for him, look at me. 

A gentle tapping at the door breaks Caitlyn's destructive thoughts. “Babe?” Ryan’s soothing voice flows through the cracks of the door. 

“What?” Caitlyn chokes out her voice rugged from straining it. 

“Can you let me in?” Ryan asks, placing a hand on the door. 

Caitlyn, her shoulders dropped like a wilting flower, unlocks the door. Ryan unknowingly beholds a broken shell, who has admitted defeat. He has yet to realize the fight is over, and he has won. Meanwhile, Caitlyn is completely unaware that Ryan was about to apologize to appease her anger. 

Perhaps it is for the better, for is a 'sorry' without meaning worse than nothing at all? 

Ryan folds Caitlyn into his arm and strokes her back. 

“I’m sorry,” Crokes Caitlyn. How close she was to getting the sorry that would have prevented this whole fight. If only she had a little more self-worth, a little more confidence. 

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Ryan smiles through the cascading strands off her auburn hair. The unspoken words I’m sorry never pass through his lips. 

They both still believe that they are correct. Yet, Caitlyn was the first to shove aside her ego and wants. Her thunder has disappeared, and all her anger is stuck with the girl in the mirror. The girl who was seconds away from breaking up with him, now believes she is no longer worth it. She no longer believes she is worth a man who cares only for her. Her self worth is crumpled among all those tissues, forgotten and tossed into the trash without another thought. The new Caitlyn contently leans into his support. She gives him every last part of herself and pleads that it is enough.