Music and Melody

Melody’s sweater was covered in vomit, the milky-white residue from this morning’s breastfeeding had crusted over and it was now quite likely she had permanently stained her once-favorite camel colored cashmere. Why do I even bother putting on real clothes anymore? she wondered to herself as the doorbell rang for what felt like the millionth time. 

“I’m coming, give me a second!” she screamed as she lifted baby Lexi out of her crib and headed down the stairs. Her shoulder-length brown curls were thrown up in a messy bun on the top of her head, just like they had been every day for the past four months since she brought home Lexi from the hospital. Lexi, her beautiful smiling baby girl who was both the best part of her day and the worst part of her night was now looking up at her inquisitively with those big blue eyes as if she were asking Are you really giving up so easily? 

“I know, I know, mommy knows. We just need to go see who’s at the door and then mommy is going to get you to take a nap if it’s the last thing I do today...” Melody cooed through a fake smile. She knew it wasn’t Lexi’s fault, how could she blame a baby for not being able to fall asleep? But these past few months had been so hard, what with adjusting to life as a new mother and now attempting to regain any flicker of a normal sleep cycle she once had. The doctor said Lexi was perfectly normal, but this lack of much-needed REM was becoming too much for Melody, and she wasn’t sure she quite liked the person she was becoming – the kind that snaps at every single inconvenience, like whoever or whatever had the misfortune of ringing her doorbell today. 

Halfway down the stairs, Melody couldn’t help but to think about how it had been exactly one month since she started having problems getting Lexi to fall asleep at night. It seemed like no matter what she did, no matter how many lullabies she sang or how many walks in the stroller she took, Lexi simply refused to sleep. Which also meant of course that Melody didn’t sleep either. Instead, she spent her nights with her bloodshot eyes just barely open enough to see the crying newborn in her arms, rocking back and forth on the rocker chair in the master bedroom until the sun started to peek through the blinds and she could finally head down stairs to make a pot of coffee. 

Lexi’s strange sleeping patterns (or lack thereof) had started the day Melody’s dad decided to show up on her doorstep after disappearing from her life almost 30 years ago. Melody had been out taking Lexi for a stroll one chilly fall day, just as she had been doing everyday for the past month, when she arrived back home to her driveway and saw a strange man waiting on the bench just outside her front door. Dressed in a very warm-looking navy coat as if he was prepared to wait outside for a while, the man was hunched over and holding what appeared to be a worn-out page from a magazine between two gloved hands. 

She remembered how by the time she and Lexi finally got around to the front porch and could get a better view of this unexpected guest, the man immediately stood up, dropping his paper to the floor. He had bent down to pick it back up when suddenly Melody recognized who he was and had blurted out, “Are you kidding me?” Because even though she hadn’t seen this man in over a decade, there was no mistaking that crooked smile and those tousled brown curls, which had a little bit more grey than she had remembered. This stranger on her doorstep, her long forgotten father, had finally returned. 

Ding-dong! Melody snapped back to reality just as the doorbell’s incessant ringing shook her head out of the unwanted flashback. 

“Just give me a second for crying out loud!” Melody shouted at the front door as she reached the landing. As she swung the door open she started to ask, “How can I–” but she cut herself off. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” she hissed under her breath. Today was hard enough, she thought, with an endless pile of dirty dishes accumulating in the sink, a mountainous stack of bills needing to be tended to and a newborn that refused to sleep no matter what time of the day or night it was. But this was really the last thing she needed. Of all the tasks she had on her list of things to get done today, this conversation was not one of them. She could not believe that here he was again, her dad just standing at her front door like he was a friendly old neighbor dropping by to say hi.

“What do you want?” she squinted her eyes at her dad as she shifted Lexi on her hip. 

“Well, hi honey. I, uh, just stopped by because I wanted to see how you’re doing, see how the kiddo is doing” he said as he smiled down at Lexi. “She looks even bigger than the last time I saw her. How old is she now?”

“Four months,” said Melody, “just one month older since the last time you asked.” What she really wanted to add was “one month since you showed up on my doorstep after 30 years of ignoring my existence. Not a single message, no texts, no calls, no nothing,” but why even bother explaining to him she thought, it would only consume more of her energy. And her precious energy was in small amounts these days. She looked down at Lexi, who was smiling back at her estranged grandfather, reaching her tiny baby fist out towards him. 

“Well she is a beauty” he said as he touched Lexi’s cheek timidly with his thumb. 

“Look Dad, John, can I call you John?” Melody asked.

“I mean, I was hoping you would call me Dad someday, um, well of course if you wanted to. Because Dad, I would like that, but I understand–” John stammered as he looked down at his feet. He was starting to fidget nervously with the crumpled piece of paper in his hand. 

“Listen John, I really don’t have all day,” she sighed as Lexi began to squirm in her arms.

“So what’s up? How can I help you?” She hadn’t meant to come off as being so annoyed, but somehow it came out that way because John looked hurt. 

  “I know you don’t want to talk to me right now and I know it takes time but,” he paused, “I just wanted you to read this” he said as he held out the wrinkled paper. “It’s an interview I gave after one of the shows and well, I wanted you to have it.”

Up until a month ago Melody had known almost virtually nothing about what had happened to her dad all those years ago. Her parents had divorced before she was even a year old and all she knew was based on the stories her mom had told her throughout the years. Melody knew her dad had been a musician, a decent one at that, and that he had decided to pursue a music career overseas in Europe, touring with a band she could never bring herself to listen to even after all these years. 

She took the piece of paper in her free hand, feeling its worn edges and noting its faded glossy sheen. It was from an article published 20 years ago titled “Music and Melody: The inspiration behind an instant success.” She looked up at John with a puzzled look on her face. 

“I don’t understand,” she said. 

“Just read it,” John replied. As she skimmed the words on the page, her eyes began to fill with tears. She looked up at John through blurry eyes and asked, “Is this true?”

“Of course it’s true,” he responded as he looked at his daughter, “Not a single day went by that I didn’t think about you. Music and Melody was my favorite album that we ever recorded, inspired by you and by the love that I have always felt for you. It was our best-selling album,” he smiled. “You don’t know how many times I started to write to you, but I never did because I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to me after what I did. Leaving you is the biggest regret of my life. I know that this doesn’t make up for it but–” he started to explain. 

“Would you like to come in, Dad?” Melody asked as she held the door open. 

“I would love to.” 

Melody smiled as she stepped aside to let her once-estranged father into her home. She wasn’t sure how things were going to go or if they were even going to be able to have a relationship now so many years later, and she definitely didn’t forgive him yet, at least not so soon anyways. But at least this was a start.

“I just have to take Lexi upstairs to–” she started to say as she closed the door. But when she looked down, little Lexi was already fast asleep in her arms. Amazed, Melody turned towards her father, “This has never happened before” she whispered with wide eyes, afraid to jinx the moment and accidentally wake Lexi up from her miraculous slumber.

“I guess I should come around more often,” John responded with a wink.