My Evil Twin

Today is the big day. Prom night. I swing my legs anxiously from where they dangle over the side of the bed. Unable to sit still any longer, I walk over to my desk to check the time. It is only 6 p.m., so I still have time before my friends arrive. As I place my phone down on the desk, I glance over at a picture sitting in a pink Popsicle stick frame that I’d made as a child. In the picture, my ten-year-old self smiles at me from my past. I pick up the picture and caress it lightly, remembering that day.

It was a very hot spring morning, and Mom was determined to get all her children in a picture together, no matter how long it took. There was a large blooming magnolia tree in our front yard with huge white flowers that dangled heavily from the branched. Mom decided it was the perfect place for our Easter photo shoot, so she dragged all the children to the large tree and moved us into the perfect positions. I leaned up against a tree with a large white Easter basket dangling from my arm. My purple dress had dirt stains on it and was wrinkled from the hours spent crawling around the yard in search of plastic eggs.

My twin stood with me and our younger sisters posed begrudgingly in front of us. That day, I was ecstatic because it was the first year that I was allowed to choose my own Easter dress. That morning, I stood in the mirror of our room and spun around at least a million times. My dress was lifted by the motion exposing my chubby legs. I stopped twirling and pushed the dress down in shame.

“If you keep eating like that, you’ll be the only cheerleader that we have to roll across the field.” My dad’s laughter and his words haunted me from my past and snatched the smile off my round, ten-year-old face.

“You look like a princess.” My twin told me, and moved us closer to the mirror, so I could see clearly. She grabbed a hat from the closet and placed it on my head.

“Princesses aren’t fat.” I responded and looked down at the little white sandals on my feet.

Without words, my twin lifted my head until I was looking into her face.

“Look at me,” she said. “You are perfect and beautiful, just as you are. Don’t ever forget that.”

I don’t know why, but her words were always able to heal any hurt. I smiled at her and my entire body felt lighter.

“I love you,” I whispered. She smiled in response—we both did.

We spent the rest of the day searching for Easter eggs in the yard and eating chocolates. We were inseparable. Whenever I passed my father in my purple Easter dress, my twin would remind me that we were perfect, and my smile would return. When we posed for that picture, I remember thinking that no matter what happened, if I had her, I would get through it. If only I knew then what I do now.

“Brooklyn!” my mom calls from the present, and the memory of that beautiful day fades away. “It’s almost time! Come down so I can get some pictures before you leave.”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m almost ready!” I call back, returning the picture to the desk. I take one last longing glance at the beautiful young girls in the photo before turning towards my closet where a very different dress hangs, waiting to make memories.

My black prom dress hangs beautifully on the hanger. It is nothing like the purple dress from my past, but it makes me smile as I slip it over my head. The soft fabric hugs my body. I pull at it a little, trying to keep it from getting caught on my love handles.

As I walk over the full-length mirror to get a better look at the dress, my twin enters our room. As soon as I see her, my smile disappears. She looks me up and down and I begin to fidget under her scrutiny. She wears a dress identical to mine. Her thick curly hair sticks out in an afro, one side is pushed back and held in place with a white magnolia flower clip. Her caramel skin is delicate and the blush on her cheeks brings light to her high cheek bones. I think back to the sweet girl in the photo. She used to have a smile that would light up an entire room, and a single word from her could make even the darkest shadows run in terror.

Now, there is no trace of that beauty. Instead, she stands there looking like a large black bear, waiting to attack if I show any weakness. She taunts me from where she stands, an almost replica of myself. I know that look; I will not be able to walk away from her unscathed.

“Please,” I beg her, “not today.”

I can almost hear her laughing at me, but her mouth doesn’t move. The hatred burns like a fire behind her eyes as she continues staring at me.

How can she be the same person from my past? Where is the best friend who’d always been at my side, giving me love and reassurance? Where is the one who would sing me to sleep and offer herself as my pillow. When we were children, I couldn’t sleep without her. At night, I would kiss her hand lightly and nuzzle into it before falling asleep. Back then, she was the best part of me.

“This is all your fault!” I close my eyes as I remember her screaming at me. “You ruin everything!”

Closing my eyes is a mistake. The darkness behind my eyelids dims everything around me, like the lights of a theater before a movie begins. That day from my past begins to play on the screen inside my mind, like a movie that I never want to watch again. The day I lost her. The day she became my enemy. My breaths begin to speed up, but the movie can’t be stopped once it starts. I shake in terror, praying to every god I can think of, but no one comes to rescue me. I can only wait for the closing credits and pray that I will be able to pick up the pieces of myself when it is over.

I was fifteen, in my mother’s house. I had to remind myself that no matter what, I wouldn’t cower to my mother. I stood in the kitchen, and my mom leaned against the counter in front of me. She was angry and her arms were crossed over her chest. I glared defiantly back at her.

So what if I’d failed a class? It didn’t matter. I could go to summer school and have another reason to avoid this house. My parents had divorced a year earlier, but the aftershock of the split still shook up my world, making it hard to keep my feet solidly on the ground. I thought that the divorce would end the fighting, but my parents still used any excuse to fight. Unfortunately for me, I was now the cause of their latest argument. My father no longer felt that my mom was capable of raising my sisters and me.

My mom was going through a lot, and I could tell that she was upset. I wanted to feel sympathy for her, but the pain in me would not allow it. Couldn’t they see I was hurting too? How could I focus on trigonometry when the triangle itself was mocking me? The triangle is the strongest and most stable shape. Could no one else see the irony there? They wanted me to be able to find the sine, cosine, and tangent while I’d been throwing out a million signs that I was not okay. Since my mom and dad cosigned the death certificate of our family, my entire life had taken a tangent. I’d say I passed that class with flying colors.

“Brooklyn…do you even understand what you’re doing?” my mother demanded through clenched teeth. “You’re just giving your father reasons to come after me.”

I said nothing, but I didn’t stop looking at her. What did I have to be ashamed of? Her fights with my father had nothing to do with me. If it weren’t this, it would be something else.

“Are you listening to me?” she yelled, making me jump.

“I’m listening.” I replied with a sigh.

My mom chuckled without humor and looked down at the ground. When her face came back up to look at me, it was the first time I saw the fire of hatred that would spread like a wildfire to the eyes of my best friend and engulf my whole world.

“I should have aborted you. Then I wouldn’t be going through all of this.” Her words were soft, but they hit me like a wrecking ball.

I was too stunned to respond, so I stood there trying to make sense of the world that was crumbling further around me. The words kept echoing repeatedly in my mind. In that moment, I needed my best friend. She would know how to fix this.

I dashed out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs. I found her in the bathroom. I could tell that she’d heard everything because there were tears in her eyes. She looked back at me and that was when I saw it – the fire.

“Mom’s right…” she shrieked through tears. “You ruined her life. If you’d never been born, she never would have married Dad. She wouldn’t be dealing with this now. To make it worse, you couldn’t even pass a simple exam. Mom gave up going to college for us and this is how you repay her sacrifice. Pathetic!”

“What?” I asked in disbelief. How could she say these things to me? She and I were born together. Why was I the one who had to take all the blame? It wasn’t fair! I didn’t try to argue though. I didn’t want the fire to spread even further than it already had. Instead, I stretched my hand out toward her and hoped that she would comfort me as she always had.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but they did not put out the fire in hers.

“Please…” I begged in agony “I can’t lose you too.”

“I hate you!” she yelled. “This is all your fault! You ruin everything!”

With that, the movie of my past ends, and the lights come back on. I can finally make out my surroundings. I am still in my room. I sigh in relief, and I sent a prayer of gratitude to the gods for bringing me back to the present. It’s too easy to get trapped in the past. I take deep breaths and look up to see my twin is also trying to catch her breath. She must have seen what I had. I can see that her body is still shaking, and her face is tear-stained. I try to mentally reach out to her and give her comfort, but she glares back at me.

“I hate you!” she yelled.

There is no reaching her. She is too far gone. I know I will have to accept that we are enemies. When I think about it, many superheroes start out as friends with their archnemeses. No matter how much they love each other, the world eventually tears them apart. I guess our story will be the same. We are destined to fight each other until the end of time.

“Me too,” I finally say in acceptance.

At that moment, I can’t bear to look at her anymore, so I turn away from the mirror where she stands opposite me. I wipe a tear from my face as I leave my empty room.

I sigh heavily, knowing that I haven’t left her behind. I will see her in every reflective surface I pass for the rest of my life, reminding me that I am my own evil twin. I’m my greatest enemy!

**************************************************************************

Edited by Rhin Black :)