I am Here

I’ve laid in a coma for fifteen years. As the world had carried on around me, I settled there and couldn’t move an inch. I was conscious, but no one realized it. Everyone’s lives went on, and I couldn’t chime in with advice. Screaming stop wasn’t a privilege when my husband was cheating on me with his assistant. I couldn’t take care of my daughter when I noticed she was self-medicating because of the misery she suffered. Being a respectable mother and wife was all I craved, but I failed.

Before the accident, I worked tirelessly to establish a business. I needed to be at the top of my game, and that took sacrifice. The sacrifices sometimes contributed to miscommunication. I hoped at least when the accident took place, they would remain by me, but I recognized things were worse than I ever imagined.

The only thing I recall from the accident is driving down the highway at eighty miles per hour. I needed to make it to my daughter’s senior dance recital. She would never forgive me if I missed it. Hell, I missed most of her high school years with my business on the upswing and me on the edge of belonging to the thirty under thirty Forbes list. I guessed her dad was there, and it wouldn’t be that immense of a deal if I missed the first thirty minutes. Here I was forty-five minutes late, hence the need to be going eighty down the darkened, wet highway while still shooting off emails and text messages like a madwoman.

I was merely five minutes away from the high school when I heard the squeal of tires. The next thing I can recall is seeing bright lights flickering in my face, with people speaking and yelling all around me. The beeping sounds were blaring, but I couldn’t move to work out anything. Screaming came to mind, but no sound came out. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, but I could pick up someone saying, “Hold on, don’t leave us; we will save you.”

What the hell did they mean? “We will save you.” And why the hell couldn’t I move my damn body so I can tell them I’m fine, and if they don’t let me up, I’m going to be late.

Everything faded, and the next time I could see any lights, the room was quiet, and I heard small whispers in the corner.

Why in the fuck couldn’t I turn my head was all I could think about.

I think you can understand the rest. I was in a vegetative state. Slight eye changes, but nothing to any pattern, could be verified. They did not know that I was alive inside of my body.

Everyone’s lives went on around me, and I sat there lying, doing nothing about it. Of course, I had thoughts and emotions, but all I could do was think about the past and why I deserved this. I felt God, or someone up there was playing a trick on me.

Finally, I decided there was no time for self-pity; I needed to get myself back.

Slowly over time, I moved my fingers, then toes, but I kept this from all of them. I didn’t want to get their hopes up, and I needed to make sure I did this on my own. I soon learned that none of them cared, anyway. My daughter was high on drugs, and my ex-husband was only coming by to maintain appearances.

Can you believe the jackass divorced me while I was in a coma? Pretty sad, huh?

Well, after fifteen long years, I’ve gained some parts of myself back, and today I’m going to show them something they weren’t expecting. I’m going to sit up and do the one thing I couldn’t for fifteen years. I will talk. Yes, that’s right, fifteen long years, and the nurses have been helping me rehab. I’ve told them I wanted it to be a surprise.

The thing is, my mother has power of attorney, and she is the only one who knows. She has been working with me to get better and reveal my newfound freedom.

My mother called my little family to the hospital so she could talk to them. She said she had something important to say. My ex-husband hates my mother because she took power of attorney over me, and I’m thankful that she did. Had she not, I wouldn’t have anything to wake up for. She tried to help my daughter, but he fucked that up, too. I wasn’t the best mom, but I wouldn’t have let her just fall by the wayside like that. He pretended to be a wonderful dad for the looks and to climb a ladder. I at least admitted and failed in public. I learned from my mistakes. He was the secret snake. I would do anything to have the years back, but there is no going back. It is time to move on and, well, sit up and take my life back.

My daughter shows up first. Surprise, surprise, she’s sober this time. I’m not sure if she will stay that way, but maybe the sound in her grandmother’s voice has her spooked because she doesn’t look like herself.

My ex-husband isn’t far behind.

Once inside the room, my mother starts her usual greetings by asking them how they have been.

“I’m so glad you both can be here for this. It’s been a long fifteen years, and I don’t want to drag this on any further. This has been weighing.”

“Okay, Francis, just get this shit over with. We do our part and come by and check on her, but what else do you want. Don’t put on a sob story.”

“Dad, for christ’s sakes, don’t be such an ass.”

“Well, what do you want me to do? Your grandmother has never liked me, and she doesn’t deal with you, but yet she wants to act all prim and proper. She might as wells spill the beans and tell us why she brought us here. I have things to do.”

“Right, I don’t mean to waste your time, so I will let Katrina tell you herself.”

The look on their faces is priceless. Confusion and anger are a few of the emotions I can see bubbling up onto their expressions. I can sense they want to choke my mother for even suggesting that I would have anything to say. My ex-husband wants to walk out of the door, but before he can even move, I sit up from my hospital bed and smile.

They almost fall out of their chairs, and my daughter grabs her father’s arm like I’m going to attack her, but I have no intentions of that. I will not lose my only daughter, but right now, I just want them to know that I am back.

“Bob, Samantha, this may shock you, but I am here. I have been here the whole time. Bob, when you were dating Kathy and bringing her into the hospital room and making out with her, I saw everything and heard every single nasty thing you said about me to her. Samantha, when you lost yourself in drugs because you didn’t know what else to do. I cried for you, but you couldn’t see any tears. I realize I wasn’t perfect before the accident, and I have a lot of work to do, but I was here the whole time. I’m sorry that you gave up on me, but I never gave up on coming back to you. Bob, you can go to hell for all I care, but Sam, you are my world, and I pray we can fix this between us.”

“Mom, can you take me outside? I want to feel the sun on my face.”

My mom helps me in my chair, and I sit down knowing that I am leaving now, but only to provide them time to digest what has just transpired. My mother wheels me down the hall of the ward that has been my home for so long.

For the first time in fifteen years, I wheel outside into the sunshine and my skin tightens while my heart lifts. Life is going to be okay. I am here.