My Missing Person

1/14/13

OMG! Today at my birthday party, mom gave me this new journal! I’m going to write in it everyday!! I’m so excited. Anyways, today was sooooo much fun. We had a pool party and the guys (Brian, Adam, Matt, and James) kept doing cannonballs into the pool and the water was splashing everywhere. Mom told them to stop, and they did for a while but then when we were eating cupcakes, James shoved the entire cupcake in his mouth in one bite and they all followed him. It was super funny. They got frosting everywhere. Brian even came to me and smashed my cupcake on my nose. The frosting was all over my face and everyone was laughing. It was the best day ever!!!!! Talk to ya later!!

3/9/14

Hey! I kinda forgot about this and found it when I was cleaning my closet today. I’m a freshman in high school now so that's cool I guess. Nothing much has changed except Brian got a lot taller. And his face has more freckles. And his hair has long waves of brown now. Honestly, he’s super cute. Basically, the gang all stayed the same though. Classes are boring and mom says it only gets worse in high school. Yayyyy. I think I’ve chilled out a little bit, cuz more people are starting to talk to me and I have a lot of friends that I made this year, but I don’t really care about any of the guys. Anyways, I’m not about to start talking in this thing every day. Maybe I’ll do it yearly if I remember.

1/20/15

I passed drivers ed! I officially can drive in a car as long as there is an adult in it. I was terrified to do my test. I ran a stop sign by accident and I’m not too great at parallel parking but mom says I can practice in her car, so I’m sure I’ll get better. Also, dad got cancer last year and is in the hospital. He’s not doing too well. It’s something in his lungs and the docs say they don’t think he’s going to make it. I really miss having him at home but they say he is in pain. I guess it’ll be better for him once he’s in heaven. Brian has been really supportive of me. He’s always there if I need to cry about my dad, which has only happened three times but he was there every time. Brian is kinda changing. He’s on defense for the varsity football team and I feel like he isn’t paying as much attention to me in that way, which kinda sucks because I think I like him. He gave me his jersey for the first game but he hasn’t done it again and the season is almost over. Hopefully, I’m wrong...

12/29/15

Dad passed away, and mom took up drinking. She says I don’t understand what it's like to lose the love of your life, but I do. Brian is dating Addy from school. They are cute, sure, and I’m happy for him… I just wish it was me. Mom leaves wine and beer bottles everywhere and three days ago she crashed on the couch and glass broke all over the room. I cleaned it up as quietly as possible. I tried not to wake her up, but when I was done, she was up and said she was going to start AA. I guess that's good, but I miss the old mom. The one that smiled all the time and joked. She used to do spontaneous trips to the mall but ever since Dad died, we rarely go out anymore except to the grocery store and school. On a happier-ish note, I got my driver's license, but I don’t have a car so I can only drive when mom isn’t at work. I hope that we can afford a car for when I go to college.

1/6/17

 It’s been a year now, and I think I figured out how to stop thinking about Brian. I’m going to change my attitude. Maybe go for somebody else, I don’t really know. I’m not as popular as I used to be but I don’t really mind because it's not like I’m staying here after highschool. My goal is to go to a college and never come back, except to visit Mom. Brian and Addy broke up, they didn’t last too long but Brian hasn’t been himself. He’s been kinda jerky lately and he doesn’t hang out with me much anymore. I kinda wish he still did, cuz then I feel like I would have more of a chance, but like I said. I’m going to change it up… Part of me still hopes that he will notice and be the one for me. It’s been a while since I’ve noticed anybody else.

6/1/17

 The last day of school was last week. I’ve been excepted to go to the University of Michigan for medicinal practices. So has Brian. Brian says he can’t wait for us to work together. That made me happy. After I changed it up about 5 months ago, he started talking to me more. He asked what had happened to cause my change in style and I said I was trying to grab somebody’s attention. You know what he said? He said “well you caught mine” ;) Goal accomplished. We’ve hung out a few times and last time he gave me a hug when he had to go. My heart practically melted! I can’t wait for college. He and I can do whatever we want!

4/15/20 

I lost all my friends except for Brian. I’m doing exceptionally well for medical school and I got a pet dog for my anxiety but I saw all of my college girl friend's boyfriends cheating on them on separate occasions. When I finally told them, they told me I was lying. Like, why would I lie? I’ve never felt so alone. Brian came over as soon as he heard that they left and he let me cry on his shoulder. Then, I accidentally fell asleep on him and I guess he fell asleep too because, in the morning, he was still there, but he had put a blanket over me and he was making me breakfast. I blurted out “I love you” and he smiled. He said it back and now I’m not sure what we are but all I know is I’m happy we finally go together. I’ve waited so long. He keeps looking at me in class with this smile like he knows something but then he shakes his head and looks away. I told Mom about all of this and she said: “well its about time”. I guess she kinda wanted us to be together too. Mom is doing a lot better. She’s sober for 5 years, ever since she started AA, she turns down drinks all the time. I’m so proud of her. Mom also got to start her own business! She’s doing well she says, even though she misses me. I’m happy for her. Anyways, I have to go. Brian’s taking me out for our first date tonight. We are going to a club. I’ve never been to a club before but he said he might end up shirtless and honestly, I can’t wait. Growing up hasn’t been a smooth road, I’ll admit but it’s happened and I think I’m ready for the world. I think this is the last time that I’m going to write in this. I’m in college, I’ve grown out of it, but I do plan to have a family, so maybe I’ll give this to my daughter for her to continue with her own story.

Goodbye and thanks for holding my memories.