THE GROTTO

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. The flames stretched out, licking the trunk of the tree. Before long, the whole tree was on fire, and the fire leapt to the next and the next. The forest surrounding our love grotto was on fire, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I remembered the words of the legend that you would find true love and face a challenging test. If the test was failed, all would be lost.

The Legends tell of a love Grotto nestled away in the woods. A place where you could have your heart's desires, but also face your heart's deepest pain. Many travellers had been on the quest of true love, but few could endure its test. Humans were hell-bent on knowing for sure if the person they were with was 'the One'. It was a tempting quest, a chance to find true love and happiness. All you had to do was face your deepest fears, your inner darkness. Few could boast of the ability to do that. If you gave in to your fears, then you would lose your happiness. Forever. 

A tear slipped down my eye as I realised that I had lost Steve, the man I had loved for the more significant portion of a year.

I had heard of this Grotto from my friend Pete. Pete swore by it that the legend had been passed down in his family, and he heard of it from his grandmother. When my boyfriend Steve and I were contemplating getting together more permanently, I told him about the quest.

 I asked him,' Don't you want to know for sure if leaving your wife is the right thing?' 

He said, 'I told you, Julie, I haven't felt this way in years. I want to be with you.'

She said, 'But I don't want you to regret it. We must be really sure.

Worn down by Julie's nagging, Steve finally told his family he had a two-week work trip to Beijing and packed for their trip. I packed light, not expecting to stay so long. I wasn't sure what to expect on this trip.

We drove out to the wilderness, packed the car at the entrance to the forest and continued the rest of the way on foot. The trees were thick and seemed to create just enough room for us to walk side by side. We couldn’t see more than a few feet ahead, or behind. The trees stretched high up above our heads and had leaves of green, orange, yellow. All vibrant in colour. We walked for several minutes and came to a large wooden cabin with a wraparound porch. It seemed very natural, blending in with the trees around it.

At the door was a note, 'Welcome to the Grotto. All who come in must face their inner darkness. Win and find true happiness, fail, and all will be lost.'

The first few days were blissful. We spent days cuddling in bed, talking and enjoying the novelty of being freely together without prying eyes. My favourite part was waking up with Steve's arms around me, knowing I had him. We spent the nights lying by the fire or watching the stars. I wish I had known then that that was the last time love would be so easy. We didn't notice when the fears started seeping in; it wasn't one particular thing. 

I started worrying that he would leave me and that he didn't want to go on walks together. Steve was increasingly worried about his family, and if leaving had been the right decision. With every day that went by, we spoke more about going home, just to check if everything was ok.

We fought in the coming days, about who loved whom most. About the past. How Steve didn't have time for me because he was with his family. How he let me down when I needed him, how I was always alone because I was his dirty secret.

Steve felt guilty about leaving his family. He wondered how they would cope without him. How his family and friends would react to hear he left his wife of 30 years for someone half his age. Julie was lovely, but was she worth leaving his family? His marriage was not perfect, but was it worth giving up all the years, the children and everything they had worked for? The grass was greener on the other side, maybe Julie felt like the right choice because he didn't see so much of her.

Steve became distant and withdrawn, and I became temperamental. Our deepest fears about each other were like an orchestra rising in volume until we couldn't face it anymore. Our last night, we could hardly bear to be in the same bed. Steve was lost in his thoughts; he honestly had no idea that just having the time to think of the consequences of his affair would weigh such a magnitude. He knew now that had he left them, he would never be able to live with himself.

Steve said, 'It was too good to be true. Good thing we know now.'

I replied, 'No. You always doubted us. You just wanted an excuse to end things.’

Steve said, 'You know I love you.'

I said, 'Not enough. I always knew you would choose your family.'

Steve retorted, 'I guess your wish comes true. I'm leaving tomorrow.'

The next morning, Steve woke early and exited the Grotto. I followed behind him, resigned to our end. The leaves were on fire, and the fire spread quickly to the branches. We raced through the forest, trying to exit before the fire reached us. As the forest burned, it felt like the death of all my dreams.

My thoughts were frenzied and rushed like the fast-spreading fire. Unlike the forest, which was losing part of itself, I was losing something that had never been mine. I realised just how much of a stranger Steve was and how much I had wanted him to belong to me. My hopes for a new life and of our love, burnt too in the fire. My life lost its colour with each leaf that turned to ashes. 

We were almost at the end of the forest when I tripped over a branch. I twisted my ankle and fell to the ground. A burning branch fell down; and set the tree branches around on fire. I screamed, and Steve turned around. He tried to get through the fire to save me, but it burnt higher and higher. I cried out, seeing no way out and the fire raged around me. It crept closer and closer. Steve said, 'I will be back; I'm going to get help.'

I shut my eyes and started praying. I could feel the flames creep closer. Would Steve save me, or would this be my end?