Alice's Memoir

Alice Wellings

Professor Green

Creative Writing

10 - 3 - 17

When I was 10, my best friend was in need of a sparing and dancing partner. So her family asked me to fill the role, they were even willing to give me an allowance, something my parents refused to do, since they never received one, and finding a job is "easy". Forcing me to rely on gift money and asking them. I hated asking them for money.

I instantly said yes. However, there were some conditions I had to meet. I had to do my homework (I would get paid for that too), something that I hadn't been very good with since I was 7. My birth parents failed to address the root problems, and were inconsistent with their methods. My tutor however, was able to address the root problems, and actually got me to do my homework. She even helped me with things that I hadn't fully grasped. I was never a bother to her, and she never made fun of me. She was and is, more motherly than my own mother.

As time went on, my tutor and her sister practically adopted me and my brother. Both are more motherly than my birth mom. When I was 14, I started referring to my tutor as my foster aunt, and her sister as my foster mom. Sometimes I call them my "Fairy Godmothers", since they're fairies and love me as if I were their own. They even gave me and my brother our own rooms in their family's Ancestral Home, which was easy for us to get to and full of magic.

Whenever I needed help, it was my foster mom and her sister I turned to. With my birth parents and most of their siblings, I always felt judged when I needed help or had to sort through my emotions and identity. But with my foster family, I didn't. With them, I could talk about anything, with my birth family, I had to be carful.

For example, when I was 11, I started to question my gender identity. I didn't know if I was a cis-girl, demi-girl, or gender non-binary. My birth dad views those outside the gender and hetero norm as sub-human, while my mom insists she's an ally but is actually condescending and can't be told otherwise because "That's who [she is]!" So, I never told them. Instead, I told my tutor and her sister, who both gave me the tools, love, time, and support to guide me. If I had told my birth parents, they would've pressured me to be cis-gender. Although, I will give my birth parents one credit, they raised me to not care about what others thought, at the same time they were telling me to conform to society's ideals.

Another example, is when I received my first crush on someone who wasn't a boy. I've had crushes since I was 5, but they were always on boys, but when I was 10, things changed. Instead of telling my judgmental birth parents, I told my foster mom and her sister. That soon became the norm for all my crushes and dates, regardless of gender. When it came to my crushes, all they cared about was that they were respectful and non-toxic; my birth parents had to make sure that they could take care of me and were male.

With my foster family, I largely felt free. Magic was real and teachable.

With my birth family, I largely felt like an object. Magic was simultaneously real and not-real, and if you tried to learn about it, you were either deemed to be doing evil, or make-believe. Even by the people who try to harness "Positivity" and "The essence of gems".

When I was 14, I had had enough of the members of my birth family who treated me like a doll who had to repeatedly come out. So me and my brother devised a plan with our foster family and friends to move out in practical terms. Since we were both minors at the time, we couldn't legally move out until we turned 18.

The plan wasn't that hard, fooling my birth parents is easy. They live in rose-tinted bubbles, so anything that goes against their reality is either erased or warped to fit it. They even create completely false memories to uphold this worldview. For example, there's no way their openly polyamorous pansexual demi-girl daughter is who she repeatedly says and shows she is. To them, I'm their straight cis-gendered daughter who isn't in a long-term romantic relationship, even though social media and everyone else say otherwise.

Need more proof? When I was 4, my hair started growing in dark brown, and when I was 11, it started growing in the color-scale you see today. However, my birth mom still insists it's blonde. Even when I show her pictures of me with clearly dark brown hair, she insists that it's dark blonde and I shouldn't question her because she's a hair stylist and I'm not. And when I show her a picture of my current hair color, either when it was growing in or after that, she insists it's just my imagination. Even when others point it out. She might agree with reality, but the next week or day, it's back to square one.

How did my hair become this way? Well, the summer before I started middle school, I went to a summer camp my foster family ran. While there, I swam in a magical lake for too long, passed out, and a few months later discovered that my hair was growing in this way. I was shocked at first, but soon embraced it. I find it cool.

My 18th birthday and high school graduation are some of the happiest moments of my life. I can still remember the thrill of officially moving out the day after my 18th birthday. The intense feeling of freedom and weightlessness I felt. However, since I still had a month of high school left and didn't feel like doing the paperwork, I kept it on the down-low until my graduation. My parents were NOT happy, and over one year later, are still in denial.