WHAT I DO NOT KNOW

 "You cannot tell children to change their hearts with their minds!" that was grandmother's voice in the cabin. Wait, was she yelling? I asked myself. for some minutes my thoughts told me she was not playing with my mind either sending mixed feelings. Convinced was me in my head. wait- well, for gate that but do I have to trust a weather man? None of us knew it was going to rain so badly. It is hard to catch what you do not see. Ooh I know those eyes would ask me why I said that. Well here is what I tell you, in Africa trusting a weather man is like waiting to see cats mate in broad sunny day. All these weather stations equipment’s betray their religious weather sermons. When was the last time did I see what they preach each time at the end of news segment, comes to reality? Mama forbids the test of their verb confessions. No wonder grandmother a liken them to politicians.

 "Chris where are the keys" She asked while kept checking her handbag with impatient hands. Mama had that tendency like of that pregnancy woman who cares nothing rather than numbering her days. Honestly I would never betray signals of her impatient heart on small matters because married to memories of 21th January I am. On this particular day, I felt the heavy touch of a single mother slap. it was quick and fast. Just like that. Small but painful.

"but Chris do I have to repeated myself"

"Mama I do not remember you giving me the keys. did you?"

"What you talking? is that you reminding me that I still need to attend calculus course? -huh "At this point I knew she had already lost her soft tender venerable heart. My mother was a fortain of beauty but all the sad memories in her life made her look like my third uncle. am I rude? do not say it. Trust me I love her than my first shoes she bought as a Christmas present. It was dark and silent like a land of the dead. Despite of darkness, my big fat eyes could still literally see the keys she found in her capsules after a long murmuring speech full of 'I hate this' gestures. Well who am i to blame her. The whole thing seemed ridiculous; the darkness, jealous heavy rains, the dead radios and phones. Come on why would it feel like the whole world was centered around us? felt sorry for my beloved sweet mother. Times has never befriended her. I could easily tell that she was convinced within her faith that she was trapped in a belief of being a victim of circumstances. Do you think she was? - well I do not know neither guess sometimes life is not always straight with us all.

just three of us inside of the cabin pretending like we saw each other's faces, remembering very well grandmother had to be calling our names in every five minutes of her stories only to make sure we were not asleep. Even though our conversations were on top of our voices, it never stopped raining. in fact, it rained heavy and sounded a bit dangerous to keep talking. The thunders kept warning us like physics teacher. I was scared but it is just fine to be scared when you young. This time we all were scared. the noise of the thunders matched the levels of our fear. I needed to eat something. Mother knew was hungry so she tried to make some responsible moves anticipating what was expected of her. It was at this point that I followed her to the corner of the cabin where she wanted to lit the match. The linking loof made us all uncomfortable with the place. up to this day I still remember and feel the love of my mother. irrespective of the circumstances, her hand searched thoroughly in the dark for a match. ' is this what is supposed to be like to be a single parent? does her husband cared for us? ' I asked myself as if had already grown into a man. I instructed my mind to be a better man when I grow up and be that man that I wish my father could have been. Remembering very well, this night was something. Things seemed to fall apart. I never put my safe in any belief on African magic but this day what would you say about the Lightening that struck at the middle of the cabin? We all freaked out with terror. It was at this point that I knew grandmother had not literally forgotten the pronunciation of all the names of her ancestors that she barely mentioned to us. She turned herself into incantations leaving her lips only making sound of languages that my little mind could not comprehend. Maybe mama knew them. The light produced by Lightening made the whole cabin look like it had electricity but in a second. After relating to bunch of stories about Lightening, my stomach grew into panic reminding me was hungry. Thought it was our time but my religious faith rebuked. Things do not just happen like this I convinced myself. Running was my mind, bringing back memories of scary stories. You know African stories where the ends conclude with too much opinions of whys. During my eighth grade my friends at school had told about some sad ritual death about a boy who was killed by a lightening on his way from market during our holiday. Screaming out loud I found myself in the mum’s arms. Do not wonder to ask what happened next just know grandmother’s moves had us all found our grip of life again. 

The found match was a bit weight and betrayed mother's hard effort. Grandmother saw two of us at the corner starring at each other in despair. with hunger I cried and hugged her. she carried me in her wrap. The thick darkness kept at mocking us. Although it was noisy and darker, heard mother whispering through my ear. It was the voice of comfort irrespective of how uncomfortable I was with empty stomach. fail asleep right there. did I snore? how would you know if have not told you...huh

"you cannot tell a child to change his heart with his mind." That was grandmother's voice again after handing me a bowl of hot porridge in my hand in the morning.

"what does it mean mum"

"wake up" she said while smiling at me as she headed up to switch off the bulb.