One in a million

Eileen never really liked the sound of rain. She always felt as if it was the universe crying at what had become of human beings. Rain, for her, served as a constant reminder of what they could have been but decided against. And on days like today, it made perfect sense. 

Soaking wet and feeling disheartened, all she could think was ‘not again; not today out of all days’. Mad at herself and at the whole world, she kicked a bottle but ended up almost falling as she missed it. Even that she could not do, she thought, while tears threatened to fall. She had not expected her life to end up like this. Especially after everything. Young, she had a lot of dreams. She was one of those people who seemed to have their whole lives figured out. She wanted to be a journalist, to travel the world and most importantly to be free. But years later, here she found herself doing everything she thought she never would. She worked two jobs at the same time to survive and had made the painful decision to let go of everything she once held dear; things like her dreams, hopes, and goals.

She did not want to appear weak. She knew she was strong; she had been strong her whole life. So why was it that at times when she found herself sad for a rather ephemeral reason and she realized that she had no one to turn to, she could not help but feel weak? Surrounding her, were thousands of people but no one truly saw her; they were all busy minding their own business and ignoring each other. Someone had once told her that one never felt lonelier than when standing in a crowd. And at that moment she realized that she was not just weak but also alone. Completely alone. 

❃❃❃

“ What do you mean you just got fired?” Leslie, her flatmate and only friend asked her the minute she stepped into their apartment. It was a tiny and run-down flat, on the fifth floor of a long building in which they had been living since they graduated from university three years ago. 

Ashamed but also exhausted, Eileen avoided her friend’s stare and slowly started removing her scarf, then her shoes. She could feel Leslie’s eyes on her and she knew her too much not to realize it was only the beginning of her incessant questions. How was she supposed to let her know she had lost her job because she had stupidly decided to accept the full-time position the second company with which she worked had offered her? Because doing that would be telling Leslie she had been right all along. Working two part times jobs were okay, but full and part-time, not so much.

“ What could you have possibly done to make yourself get fired? ”

Another question. At this point, all Eileen wanted was to find the nearest sofa and let herself fall in it. And that’s what she did. She had not slept the whole night and felt completely drained. Throwing a pillow on her head, she quickly tuned out on what her Leslie was telling her and before she realized it, she was falling asleep.

When she emerged from her nap, she could not see Leslie anywhere in the flat. She found her sitting on top of the roof, with a book as her sole companion. Carefully taking place next to her friend, Eileen grabbed the closed book from her hands and began inspecting it. At no point did Leslie turn, too busy gazing at the stars.

“ I was caught sleeping in the bathroom.” 

The sentence was full of hidden meaning and Eileen was aware that anyone else would have asked what she was referring to, but not Leslie. Leslie was smart. 

She furrowed her brows, a sign that she was perplexed, “ how did your boss know where to find you?” 

From where she was sitting, Eileen could see each detail on Leslie’s face. From her long eyelashes to the freckles on her nose and the way her eyes seemed to light up under the moon. 

“ Apparently I was gone for an hour and did not meet my targets. He sent someone to look for me and she found me in the bathroom.” She answered nonchalantly, in an attempt to hide how badly her heart was racing. 

She then proceeded to smile, while passing her hands in her hair.

“ You still have your full-time job anyways,” Leslie answered, focusing her attention on the buildings in front of them.

“ You are right, but there are rumors the company might lose its contract and another company will take its place.”

“ I am sure you will figure it out.” 

A pause followed and Eileen found herself appreciating the silence. It was cold, but not too cold. Just as she liked it. 

“ What about you?” She asked her Leslie. 

“ Today I received three rejections emails,” she answered with a shrug. “Besides I am having fun working as a waitress.” 

Her tone was sarcastic but she was smiling. Eileen was convinced that Leslie was the definition of someone who hated their lives but put up a tough front. She graduated with a law degree but because she had not pursued any internships while at university, she quickly found herself at a disadvantage in the present job market. Most of her peers had spent their time making sure their resume reflected their desire to specialize in law. 

“ I can imagine. Seen any hot guys lately?” 

“ I wish I could say that. But those I serve food to are only married men or jerks.” 

“ At least thanks to you, we have something else to eat tonight,” Eileen said making reference to the food she had seen in the kitchen. 

Saving money while paying their debts, meant that for the most part, they were eating canned foods or noodles. 

“ I know right, it was not easy to do that. In the next few weeks, we will have to cut some other things off.” 

“ Especially now that I just lost a job.” 

“ You should not put so much pressure on yourself.”

Eileen wanted to tell her that she had to. That if she was not doing it, no one would. She no longer had her parents to count on. Not since her second year of university when they had both died in a car accident and she was left all alone in the world. All alone to deal with life and its problems. Sure, since then she had always thought she was on her own, but she also knew she could always count on Leslie. No one understood what she felt more than her friend did. She was the closest she had gotten to having a sister. 

❃❃❃

Waiting at the train station for approximately 15 minutes now, all Eileen wanted to do was cry. Her train had been canceled for some technical issues and if the next train did not come in the next five minutes she would be late for her interview. 

She had managed to be invited for a job interview in another city and had used the remaining of her money to buy the train ticket. Once again, she was taking a gamble and had no assurance that they would take her. All she had to do now was hope for the best and wait three more days for her payslip to arrive. 

Her stomach growled a little and she quickly glanced at those around her to make sure none had heard the subtle noise, but they all seemed too caught up in their own lives. The platform was full of people and from where she was, she could hear two girls next to her discussing how their previous night had gone. And by the sound of it, a lot of alcohol and cute boys were involved. 

The next train to arrive at platform 1… 

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and put her earpieces on. Because of her lifestyle, she did not have time to meet with members of the opposite sex and anytime she heard girls talking about how lit their night was, she felt as if, she was missing on something big. She rarely drank and when she did, Leslie was her sole partner. 

The train finally arrived and she got in. Now she just had to be patient for 38 minutes and then get down and catch a bus that would take her to her final destination. She tried to drink from her bottle of water but felt like it was going to spill. Despite her constant state of mind, one thing she knew was that she needed to keep moving. She was not going to let failure define her. It was just a normal path on the road to success. She knew that if she kept going, she would undoubtedly get to where she had always wanted to be. And it did not matter whether it was going to take months or years.