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By the time Tom was done with work on an average Tuesday, the sun had already set. Despite the departure of the fiery star in the sky, the heat from the day radiated from the ground and warmed the soles of his feet. Hauling his things over his shoulder, he walked to his crappy lone Toyota. Even though he had come early to work, he was forced to stay late into the night finishing up some market research to cater to the Krid demographic. 

Tom was never a very opinionated person. He didn’t really care for many things. Even when the news of another intelligent species making contact with Earth happened, he didn’t even bat an eye. It’s not like it would ever affect him in a significant matter. He was just an office worker at some office place doing some office work. Krid or Human, it didn’t change his mediocre and complacent lifestyle. Usually, on the annual surveys and censuses about how the human population viewed the Krid, he would just check random boxes without reading it. It’s not like they really look at those anyways; there were billions of other people in the world. 

As he settled into his seat, he started to dream of his home. Small and cozy, it was the final destination of the night. He was itching to just get his feet off the ground and his wiry body into a bed or couch or even the floor if he could not make it any further. At this point, he just wanted to be horizontal. 

Turning into his neighborhood, he drove slowly towards his home on the corner. He could picture his tiny house being revealed from behind the massive hedges that encased it. Taking his last turn he couldn’t help but sigh with relief, but his relief soon turned to confusion when his house was simply not there. 

Tom sat in his car dumbfounded as behind the hedge was just a flat piece of barren land. No house in sight. Not even a single blade of grass or trash. It was as if his property was scooped up and taken somewhere else, like a patty being taken off the grill. The only thing that was still standing was a small wooden table with some sort of object sitting upon it. He couldn't see it from where he sat. Even though he wasn't religious, he prayed that his house had not been shrunken down and placed on the table.

With haste, he scrambled out of his vehicle and stomped towards the offensive piece of furniture. On the table was a black dial phone with a business card underneath. Picking it up, he read to himself:

To anyone it may concern, 

This property was liberated from this location to be placed in the Human’s Unilateral Miscellany Museum Under Society (H.U.M.M.U.S) located on Nourus. Please contact the number below if you have any questions. Thank you for your contribution to science.

He stared at the tiny white paper as if the words would change if he glared at it a bit harder. They didn’t because that’s not how ink works. Letting out a huff of frustration, he dialed the phone number. Putting the receiver to his ear, he waited through the several rings until someone picked up. 

“Good evening, this is the HUMMUS Customer Service Support. How can I help you?” A monotone voice spoke through the phone. 

“Ah, yes,” Tom began, wondering what type of customer he should be in this situation, “I have an inquiry about the upheaval of my home on Earth.” 

“What is your name?” 

“Tom Thomas.” 

“Is the location you are talking about a small home painted burgundy, has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, one kitchen, and three dead tomato plants?” 

“Yes,” Tom said, “but those tomato plants are just dormant, not dead.”

“Sure sir, so what question do you have about this home?”

“Um, nothing super difficult, just… where the hell is it?” Tom hissed through the phone. 

“I’m sorry sir, but can you be more specific?” He monotonously replied. 

“What do you mean by being more specific?” Tom yelled through the phone while waving his arms, “My home is gone and now I want to know where it is!” 

“Well sir, if you take a look at the letter left there, it should say that your home has been taken to HUMMUS to be part of the exhibit.” 

“Yeah I know, but why?!” He yelled, “No one notified me that my whole goddamn home would be picked up like a toy in a crane machine and plopped onto another planet to be ogled at!”

“I don't know what that means sir, but I’m sorry that you are unhappy. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about this situation.”

“What do you mean you can’t do anything? Where the hell am I supposed to live?”

“Well, if you practice the old human proverb, ‘home is where the heart is’, I believe that you will have no issue solving that problem.” 

“‘Home is where the heart is’ my ass, home is where I sleep, I eat, I shower, and I can freely walk around naked without being arrested. ‘Home is where the heart is’... are you kidding me? How could you take away my home and all my belongings?” 

“Sir, I’m just a customer service employee-” 

“Then let me talk to your manager!” 

“Oh, alright, one moment please.” Elevator music started to play as Tom anxiously paced back and forth, waiting for someone to speak to him. He couldn’t believe his terrible luck. He wondered what god he angered to receive such a punishment. 

“Hello? Mr. Thomas?” A new voice asked. 

“Yes, speaking,” Tom seethed. 

“Hello, this is Linda. I am the manager of the HUMMUS Archival Ministry. I heard that you are not happy with the current state of your home.” 

“I am very, very unhappy.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“Good.”

“But we cannot do anything about that.” 

“Then you're not sorry at all!” 

“Sir, please calm down. We relocated your home to HUMMUS because, during one of the yearly surveys, you marked down that you would be willing to offer any of your worldly possessions up for science to the Krids so that they may understand human society more deeply.”

“I did what?!” Tom yelled, gripping the small desk housing the phone tightly. 

“You marked ‘absolutely’ on the survey on whether or not you would physically participate in HUMMUS.” Tom let out an angered sigh. 

“So you’re telling me that my home is gone because of one survey question?” 

“Precisely.” Tom stood there for a moment trying to make sense of a situation. Once he did, Tom let out a muted sob. He was an idiot. He was an absolute idiot. He said he didn’t care about those surveys and those surveys just had to hand his ass back to him. He wanted to cry. He wanted to lie down. Yeah, he thought, he should do that. Dropping the phone from his hand, he sank to his knees and laid himself on the ground. Staring up into the starry sky, he felt tears brimming his eyes as the distant sound of the manager asking if he was still there cackled through the phone. 

The whole day finally caught up to him. He didn’t have the energy he just had to argue about the location of his home. Home or not, he just wanted to sleep at this point. So he did. Closing his eyes, he fell asleep on the dirt where his home once stood. 

***

The first thing Tom noticed when he woke up was his alarm clock. It read 7:59. 

“Shit!” He yelled, jumping out of bed and scrambling to get ready for work. He quickly peeled his clothes off and jumped into his work ones. Running to his kitchen, he glanced out the window before going towards his coffee machine. Then he paused. 

“Wait a second…” Tom began, as he looked quizzically out the window. Walking slowly back, he noticed that outside his window across his lawn… was a gigantic wall of glass. Then it all rushed back to him. The absolute nightmare of a day he had yesterday. The vanishing of his home. The terribly polite customer service employees. The dirt nap he had taken.

“No, no, no,” he mumbled to himself, “it must be a dream.” He ran outside barefoot to be face to face with the window pane. On the other side, he could see groups of Krids walking by, glancing at him and taking pictures. As he walked up to them, some of them pointed at him, the younger ones started to tap the glass as if he was a fish. 

Tom's body ran cold as the realization seeped into his brain. Just a few steps ahead of him, he saw a small sign by the window. Trying not to pay attention to the onlookers, he walked to it. It read: 

Tom Thomas. A mediocre male human from Earth who really wanted to go home.