The Woods Don't Like City Girls

The Woods Don’t Like City Girls

Candice was a city girl. What was she thinking, saying yes to Todd? Go camping, her friends had said; it will be fun, Todd said. Candice really wanted to impress Todd. They had only been dating for a month and she knew he loved the outdoors. She had never been camping, never been in the woods, never even roasted a marshmallow. When Todd told Candice that he had a camper and it was more like “glamping,” glamorous camping, she gave in. How bad could it really be? Famous last words.

Todd showed up in front of Candice’s house in his truck and pulling his travel camper. Todd opened the camper door and showed her how nice it was. There was a bathroom, a kitchen and a real bed with sheets and a comforter. Not too shabby, she thought to herself as she carried two huge suitcases out to Todd.

“What is this?” Todd asked.

“My things for the weekend,” Candice answered innocently.

“You won’t need much out there, Candy,” Todd told her. “We are camping, not going on a fancy cruise. You need hiking boots, jeans, and a few shirts, not all of this,” he said pointing to the luggage and laughing at her.

After Candice had repacked and went down to one suitcase, they drove three hours to the campsite. The site was set back deep into the woods off a steep mountain road. Candice did not like driving the windy road to the top, but she had to admit that the view was breathtaking.

“We need to get the camper unhooked and set up. Come on, I will show you what I need help with,” Todd instructed her.

After an hour of stumbling around the camper helping Todd hook everything up, she was tired and needed to rest. Candice sat down on the ground next to a tree and leaned her head back on it. It was a nice campsite. Plenty of shade and a slight breeze. She was enjoying the feel of the wind on her face when she felt something move around her leg. She swooshed her hand around her leg thinking that it was a fly, and it would go away. When it did not seem to follow her directions, she opened her eyes and looked down.

She screamed and jumped up and started running toward Todd. “Help! Get them off!” She screamed at him.

“What the…?” Todd yells back at her before seeing that Candice was covered in black ants. They were crawling all over her legs and working their way up her body. “Oh no, come here. Stand by the shower hose,” He instructed her.

She was still screaming and swatting at her body when Todd turned on the outside shower and blasted her body with water.  She screamed as the ice-cold water hit her bare legs.  Todd was laughing as he washed the last of the ants off Candice’s body.

“Stop laughing at me. This isn’t funny.” Candice yelled at him.

“Ok, I am sorry. Let me get you a towel.’ Todd said and walked off, leaving Candice shivering and wet in a mud puddle.

After Candice dried off and changed clothes, Todd announced that he wanted to go on a hike.  “Come on, there is a lake just over that ridge. We can take our lunch up there and have a picnic. It will be great.” He sounded so excited that Candice didn’t dare say no. What could possibly happen on a hike to the lake?

Todd was kind enough to carry most of the heavy things, making it easier for Candice to make the distance easily. He didn’t want to give her any other reason not enjoy the outdoors. He loved hiking and was hoping she would want to come with him more often. He knew she’s a city girl, but he was hopeful.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Candice announced about halfway to the lake.

“Ok, just pick a tree and go behind it,” Todd instructed her. “I brought TP,” he said putting down the backpack and pulling out some paper.

Candice reluctantly took the paper and asked, “Go out here?”

Todd laughed and said, “Yes, out here. Just go behind that tree.” He pointed to a tree a few feet away.

Candice walked slowly, not sure what to do. She had never peed in the woods. Once around the backside of the tree, she moved her pants and underwear down. She closed her eyes and squatted down. Just as she was about to finish her business, she heard a strange rattle. She opened her eyes slowly and looked around. She gasped loud when she realized she was not alone behind the tree.

“What’s wrong? Did you pee on your shoes?” Todd asked from the other side of the tree.

“Um, no. Are rattle snakes poisonous?” She asked quietly, trying not to move.

Todd moved around to the other side of the tree and found Candice squatting with her pants around her ankles and a rattle snake coiled up a foot to her left.

“Hold still, do not move until I tell you,” Todd instructed her as he reached to his right and picked up a large stick off the ground. He poked the snake with the stick, it hissed and jumped towards the stick. “Now! Move!” He yelled at Candice.

Without putting thought into it, Candice hopped up, pulling at her pants at the same time. She ran down the path and stopped when she thought she was safe. Gasping for air and putting her pants back into place, she began to cry.

“Hey, hey. It’s ok. You are safe now,” Todd said when he approached her. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight.

“Can we go home now? I don’t like being in the woods. I don’t think the woods like me being here.” Candice cried out onto Todd’s shoulder.

“No, come on. It is going to be fine. Stay with me, let me show you how fun camping is. The woods can be your friend if you give this a chance,” Todd said kissing her cheek.

“Ok, I hope you are right.” Candice said wiping the tears from her face.

When they reached the ridge, Candice was awestruck at the view. It was almost fall, so it was warm, but the leaves were starting to change. The beautiful green, yellow, and orange leaves were swaying in the afternoon breeze making the valley dance. “Maybe this isn’t so bad,” Candice thought to herself as they made their way down to the lake at the bottom of the hill.

Todd picked a flat spot in the grass and set up the picnic lunch. Candice was hesitant to sit on the ground, but Todd assured her that he checked the area. She sat next to him and started picking at the food. Todd had packed a nice spread and she realized how hungry she was. He poured her some wine, and she put some honey on a piece of bead.

“You were right, this is really nice,” she admitted to Todd.

“See, I told you. If you gave it a chance, you would love the woods,” Todd said squeezing her hand.

They continued to enjoy their lunch and the view. They sat and talked for what seemed like an hour. Suddenly, Candice heard a loud humming sound. She looked around but couldn’t see anything. After a few minutes the humming got louder.

“Do you hear a humming sound?” She asked Todd looking around.

“I do now,” he said. Suddenly, he jumped up and grabbed Candice by the arm and pulled her up. “Don’t panic, just run,” he said calmly and took off running. Candice looked over her shoulder and saw a large swarm of bees hovering above the basket of food. She gasped and took off running behind Todd. The bees must have sensed her fear and the swarm started to follow them. They ran as fast as they could, but the bees were following closely behind.

Thinking quickly, Todd grabbed Candice’s hand and pulled her to the lake. Before she could say anything, he pulled her to the edge of the water and they both jumped in. The bees lost their scent and flew in the opposite direction. Todd began to laugh hysterically. Candice was not amused. She climbed up the side of the embankment and out onto dry land. She was standing on the edge looking at Todd with disgust in her eyes. Todd climbed out and stands next to her.

“It’s ok, babe,” he said trying not to laugh. “We will dry in no time.”

“I want to leave now.” Candice demanded.

“Oh, come on. We can’t leave yet. I paid for the site until tomorrow. Besides, I have marshmallows for you to roast. It will be fun,” Todd said with a pleading tone and those puppy dog eyes.

“Fine, but the next thing that goes wrong, I’m out of here. Even if I have to walk,” Candice said caving into his good looks and those eyes.   

As they hiked back to the campsite, soaking wet, they talked about the crazy things that happened.

“I have been camping since I was three years old and nothing like this has ever happened to me. I do have some funny stories, but not all from the same trip. It’s hard to believe that all of this has happened to you in one day on one camping trip,” Todd said with a chuckle in his voice.

“The woods know I’m a city girl, and they don’t want me here.” Candice said laughing a little, too.

“Oh, that’s not true. The woods don’t discriminate,” Todd said still laughing.

They made it back to the campsite, got dried off and changed. Todd made a fantastic dinner on the grill. After everything had been cleaned up and it started getting dark, Todd got ready to light a fire in the fire ring. He told Candice to go and find a few long sticks to use as skewers for the marshmallows.

As Candice was looking for the sticks, she thought that maybe everything that had happened was just a fluke and that camping in the woods isn’t so bad. She had found two sticks and was heading back through the trees when she heard a deep growl. She froze in place and held her breath.

After what seemed like forever, Candice saw a large brown bear move past her heading for the campsite. She slowly moved sideways in the opposite direction, dropped the sticks, and started running toward Todd. She was out of breath when she got there and all she could huff out was, “BEAR!” She grabbed Todd by the arm and pulled him into the camper.

Once safely inside the camper, they watched out the window as the bear sniffed around the area they had just eaten in. Candice gasped as the bear stood up on its back legs and growled out loudly. The bear was huge. It settled down and moved toward the fire pit. The fire was not lit yet, but the marshmallows were open and sitting on the edge of the pit. The bear pawed at them, spilling them on the ground, and then leaned down and ate them. When all the marshmallows were gone, the bear sniffed around the door of the camper and then walked back into the woods.

Candice let out a breath, she didn’t realize she was holding and asked, “can we go back to the city now?”

It is late when they pulled up in front of Candice’s house. Todd helped her with her things and walked her to the front door. “This wasn’t the camping trip I was hoping for, I am so sorry,” he said hugging her. “I should have known that it is hard to take the city out of the girl.” He continues, laughing.

“It’s ok, I told you that the woods could tell I was a city girl, and they didn’t want me there.” Candice said with a warm smile.

Todd kissed her cheek and gave her one more hug. “I would never have believed that the woods wouldn’t like someone enough to chase them away, but after today, you may be right. The woods don’t like city girls.”