I Just Can't stop

This short story contains substance abuse, sexual abuse, and mental disorder, mental health, and physical abuse. do not read if sensitive to this content.

Indigo sat on her bed, her hands trembling as she took a deep drag from the vape pen. The sweet, cloying scent of the fruity liquid filled her lungs, momentarily soothing the tumult of emotions swirling within her. The dim glow of the fairy lights strung across her room cast a soft, ethereal glow over the space, but even their gentle light couldn't dispel the darkness that clung to her soul.

She was sixteen years old, but the weight of the world bore down on her as if she were carrying the burdens of a lifetime. Indigo had known little peace in her young existence; her days were haunted by the specters of abuse, both physical and emotional. The people who were supposed to cherish and protect her had become her tormentors. Her father's rough hands lingered where they shouldn't, his cruel words cutting deeper than any blade. Her mother, once a beacon of warmth and love, had turned cold and distant, her indifference a vindictive weapon in its own right.

And then there was the heavy secret that lay like a stone in her heart—Indigo was a lesbian. The fear of rejection and condemnation from her conservative parents kept her locked in a suffocating cage of silence. She longed to be free, to love openly and without shame, but the walls of prejudice and hatred loomed high around her.

Her brothers, Luke and Oliver, had been her anchors in the storm. They were her protectors, her confidants, her source of solace in a world gone mad. But they had moved to Illinois, a thousand miles away, leaving her adrift in a sea of darkness. The ache of their absence was a constant, throbbing pain in her chest, a reminder of all that she had lost.

Indigo closed her eyes, the tears slipping silently down her cheeks. The weight of her reality pressed down on her like a leaden cloak, suffocating her, crushing her spirit. She felt so utterly alone, the walls of her room closing in on her like a prison cell.

A soft knock on her door startled her out of her despair. Indigo quickly wiped her tears away and cleared her throat, trying to mask the trembling in her voice. "Come in," she called out, her voice barely more than a whisper.

The door creaked open, and her mother's icy gaze pierced through the dim light. "Indigo, dinner's ready," she said curtly, her tone devoid of any warmth. There was a flicker of something else in her eyes—was it guilt? Regret? Indigo couldn't tell, couldn't bring herself to care.

"I'll be down in a minute," Indigo replied, her voice flat and empty. Her mother nodded once, then turned on her heel and left, the door clicking shut behind her.

Alone once more, Indigo let out a shaky breath, her hands balling into fists at her sides. She couldn't do this anymore, couldn't pretend that everything was fine when it was anything but. The weight of her secrets threatened to drown her, to pull her under into the abyss of despair.

She stood up, the room spinning around her. The bottle of vodka beckoned from her desk, a siren call luring her towards oblivion. Without a second thought, she grabbed it and took a long swig, the burning liquid searing her throat.

The room blurred and swayed, but Indigo pressed on, the numbness spreading through her veins like wildfire. She stumbled towards the window, the cool night air brushing against her face. The city below was a blur of lights and shadows, a chaotic tapestry of life in motion.

Indigo leaned against the windowsill, the vodka slipping from her grasp and shattering on the floor. She didn't care about the mess, didn't care about the consequences. All she cared about was the emptiness inside her, the void that threatened to consume her whole.

A voice called out from behind her, breaking through the haze of her thoughts. "Indigo, what are you doing?"

She turned, her vision swimming, and saw her father standing in the doorway, his face a mask of rage and disgust. "You think drowning yourself in alcohol is going to solve anything?" he spat, his words laced with venom.

Indigo felt a surge of defiance rise within her. "What do you care?" she shot back, her voice slurring slightly.

Her father strode towards her, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "I care because you're my daughter, damn it!" he roared, his face red with anger. "Do you think this is the answer, Indigo? Do you think destroying yourself is going to make things better?"

Tears welled up in Indigo's eyes, hot and bitter. "You destroyed me a long time ago," she whispered, her voice breaking. "You and Mom, with your cruelty and your indifference. How can you stand there and pretend to care now?"

Her father's expression softened, just a fraction, and for a moment, Indigo saw a flicker of something resembling remorse in his eyes. "I know I've failed you, Indigo," he said quietly, his voice heavy with regret. "But I want to try to make things right. I want to help you, if you'll let me."

Indigo felt something stir in her heart, something fragile and hopeful. Could she dare to believe that her father could change, that he could shed his abusive ways and become the father she had always longed for?

But the moment passed as quickly as it had come, replaced by a wave of bitter cynicism. "It's too late for that," she said, her voice hollow. "You can't undo the damage you've done, Dad. And neither can I."

With that, she turned away from him, her heart heavy with pain and regret. She stumbled towards her bed, her limbs heavy and numb. The room spun around her, the fairy lights blurring into a kaleidoscope of colors.

She collapsed onto the bed, her emotions a raw, tangled mass inside her. The darkness beckoned, its tendrils wrapping around her, pulling her down into its depths. But somewhere in the depths of her despair, a tiny flame of hope flickered faintly, refusing to be extinguished.

As she drifted into a fitful sleep, the words of her brothers echoed in her mind, a whispered promise of love and acceptance. And for the first time in a long time, Indigo allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a glimmer of light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

But that all changed when the next morning she woke up and saw a note that slid under her door that said, "open your door and you'll find a present to unwrap" - dad

She knew exactly what that meant, it meant that her dad hadn't changed at all he was still the abusive and dumb father that raped her he always had been. Indigo opened the door after taking a rather large shot of vodka so that when this was over hopefully she wouldn't remember anything that was about to happen.

When she opened the door she found her naked father standing there waiting to have sex with her. The gun in his hand and the black eye that she had were the only things making her do it. "what are you waiting for Indigo, get undressed and start the show." her father said forcefully.

Indigo quietly got undressed while her father laid on her bed waiting for her to get on top of him and obey his every command.

As her dad walked out of the room when i was finally over she called them back in when she had became her regular self again today was the day she would tell them that she is lesbian. Her parents walked into the room and sat on her bed. "Mom, Dad? I have something to tell you....... I'm........ I'm Lesbian." Indigo said frightful of what might come next.

Her parents sat there stunned, "WHAT, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU DESERVE TO DIE."

That night she was in so much pain because of the vodka, that she couldn't even move but through all of the pain she packed a bag full of clothes, money, vodka bottles, her vape, her phone and charger, and her drivers license. She climbed out the window called her GF and went to her girlfriends house.

She blocked her parents on social media and messages and lived with her GF. But every morning she would throw up and she began to think she was pregnant. So she went to the store to buy a pregnacy test, and there is was, 2 pink lines on the bathroom sink. SHE WAS GONNA HAVE HER FATHERS BABY? "No, no, no, no, no, no, this can't be happening." Indigo said pacing around the kitchen.

She ran back home and told her family what happened. Her family didn't do anything to help her so she sadly got an abortion. Her girlfriend understood and Indigo wanted to move away, so that exactly what her and her GF did they moved to Illinois and lived with her brother and finally she had support again.

The next few years her Brothers helped her to stop her addictions and she became a better person and her and her girlfriend adopted a baby together.