First Dinner

Anniversary Dinner

I didn’t go into work today. I called my boss last night and told her I was sick. We both knew I was lying but she didn’t say anything. She knew what I had to do today, so I don’t think she minded.

           I woke up late so I had to rush to get everything together. I painted the table cloth last week so I didn’t have to worry about that drying. It’s a white cloth that I painted colorful flowers all over it. Her favorite colors, pastels and green leaves. It has a soft look to it, but overall I am proud of my work. And I think she loves it.

           I get dressed but choose not to shower, knowing that I am going to be running errands and will have to re-shower before tonight. I get in the car and head to the grocery, doing my best to plan everything that I need so I don’t forget anything.

           I pull into to the local market and head towards the refrigerated section of the store. I grab two chicken breast, along with the vegetables I will need. I quickly grab all of the food and go to the self-checkout at the front. I see a bouquet of Cosmos on display and grab one of them before I leave.

           Once I am in the car I turn on our favorite playlist and silently listen to it while I drive to the trinket store downtown. I have to go quickly so the food doesn’t go bad. Once I pull in to, Mary & Marvin’s  I jump out of the car and head for the doors. While I’m in there I grab 20 candles all of the same scent, one of the employees have to go to the back to get me the rest of them and the box. I grab some of the wall décor that has the flowers on the vines. Hopefully I have time to hang it all up.

           Once I have everything I need I head home. When I get there I grab all of my stuff and go straight for the kitchen, wanting to get dinner started.

           I pour oil into the cast-iron pan and wait for it to heat up.  Once it is ready I put the seasoned chicken breast into the pan and cook that to its perfected temperature. Adding in seasons as I go. Once that is almost all the way cooked, I take it out and set it to the side. I sauté the onions and garlic, I add in heavy cream and parmesan and bring it to a thick cream sauce.

           While I wait for the cream to thicken up I start on the mashed potatoes. I peel about 5 before I decide that’s enough, I finish chopping them and put them in the boiling water. I quickly put on a pot of green beans and go back to the mushroom cream cooking. It seems to be good enough, so I put the chicken back in the pot and wait for it to finish cooking.

           By now the potatoes are ready so I start mashing them and adding in the correct ingredients. Once everything is done I put it all on low heat to keep it warm and begin to set up the rest of the dining room.

           I listen to our song in the background while I do so, ‘You Make Loving Fun’ by Fleetwood Mac playing.

Sweet wonderful you

You make me happy with the things you do

Oh, can it be so

This feeling follows me wherever I go

           I whip the finished table cloth over our small, circular table.

I never did believe in miracles

But I've a feeling it's time to try

I take the flower vines that I got and begin to hang them on the ceiling around the table. Creating a wall of flowers around the area.

I never did believe in the ways of magic

But I'm beginning to wonder why

           I feel a tear slip from my eye as I hear the song continue, the emotions overwhelming me. I pray that she loves it, and that I’m not making a complete fool of myself.

           As I start to light all of the candles another one of our favorite songs come on. ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You’ by Frankie Valli is blasting through the house.

I wanna hold you so much

At long last, love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

I laugh at the memories this song holds for us, picturing her dancing around the kitchen in my shirt. Screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs, burning whatever food she was attempting to cook. The both of us knowing I would’ve had to cook us something new, even if she didn’t burn it.

Flashback: (2017)

           I roll over in the bed expecting my wife to be sprawled out next to me hogging the blankets. Instead, however, I find an empty spot and sit up abruptly. I hear music coming from the kitchen and can smell something cooking. I sign and lay back down, but just for a moment.

           Wait. She’s cooking. At this realization I jump up and run downstairs in hopes to salvage whatever food she is ruining.

           When I walk in I don’t see her so I go straight for the frying pan, it looks like some sort of goo, I cringe and go to throw it out.

 “Stop it right now,” I hear from behind me. I turn around to see my beautiful wife glaring at me with her hands on her hips.

           “I’m not doing anything,” I say with a shrug.

           “I worked hard on that and you are going to eat it, or so help me God you will be sleeping on the couch,” she states.

           I contemplate my options, option one, I let her continue and eat this horrible food and possibly die. OR throw it out quickly and try to get back on her good side before tonight. I go with the latter.

           I grab the pan and run to the sink, prepared to poor it down the drain and save us all.

           “NO!” she yells sprinting at me, “Gabriel don’t you dare!”

           I don’t my best not to laugh as I dump it down the sink. She stops at once and looks at me, this is it, this is where my life ends.

           “Oh you’re dead,” she says calmly. It was at this moment I started to truly fear for my life.

We have a standoff, neither of us moving for at least a minute. I finally decide to take the risk, I sprint out of the room and try to get to safety. It slipped my mind that she ran track in college so I am not match for her speed.

           I turn a corner into the living room and feel a weight on my back. We both tumble to the floor, her on top of my hitting me softly while yelling at me.

           “I,” hit, “hate,” hit, “you!” hit, “I worked hard on that and was trying to surprise you for our anniversary and you ruined it!” she huffs.

           “Hon, I love you but if I would’ve eaten whatever that was, I probably wouldn’t have been here for our next anniversary,” I laugh and grab her hands to protect myself from her pitiful assault.

           “We-,” she stops her sentence when she hears the music in the background, “oh my god! Gabe it’s our song!” she gets up and starts belting the lyrics to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You’ by Frankie Valli.

           “I LOVE YOU BABY, AND IF IT’S QUITE ALRIGHT, I NEED YOU, BABBYYYY” she screams and starts dancing around the kitchen. Or well, what she considers dancing, she’s just jumping and flailing her arms around.

           She continues to dance and makes eye contact with me, gesturing for me to join her. I smile and run to her and throw her over my shoulder, taking her back into the living room. She squeals and continues singing as I laugh hysterically.

           I throw her on the couch and climb over her, putting all of my body weight on her.

           “Get off of me fatty, I can’t breathe!” she exclaims.

   I laugh and look at her closely, mumbling the lyrics and keeping eye contact.

“You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much”

I cradle her face in my hands as I sing to her softly, admiring how beautiful she is. God I don’t know what I did to have her in my life but I am so thankful.

           “I love you,” I say, “Always have, always will,”

           She smiles back at me and says, “I love you too baby, always have, always will,”

           I kiss her softly as the song ends and we decide to just skip breakfast and stay on the couch. Both of us being too tired to get up. I lay on her chest, keeping most of my body weight on the couch instead of her. She plays with my hair and I eventually fall asleep, counting my blessings one by one.

End of flashback: Present (2021)

           I snap back out of my memory as I hear the fire alarm going off. I run to the kitchen and see that the green beans are burned. Now it’s almost as if she is here with me right now. I quickly throw them out and decide that the chicken and mash potatoes are fine for tonight.

           I check the clock, 5:47.

           Oh no, I’m almost out of time. I load the food onto a plate and take it into the dining room. I grab the wine I bought today and serve that as well. With all of the candles now lit, I turn off the main lights, immediately adding to the romantic atmosphere.

           I sit down, and my alarm for 6:00 goes off.

           I sigh, this is it. I begin to eat the food I prepared and close my eyes as I try to imagine it as if she was here. I picture her sitting across from me, asking me how everything is going.

           I tell her that not much has changed, but I am thinking about getting the dog we always wanted. Not a puppy though, one from the pound so I can give it a better life. Her idea of course, she always talked about how we should help the older ones because the puppies always get adopted.

           I picture her smiling at me, telling me that I’m doing a good thing, and that she is proud.

           I tell her that the last year has been horrible without her. I start to cry, and I don’t bother trying to stop. I haven’t cried in almost two weeks, which isn’t much, but it’s a milestone for me. So I let myself cry, I let myself miss her, the ache in my chest never going away.

           I get up from the table, blowing out the candles to prevent a fire, but leaving the food out. I don’t have the energy to clean all of it up right now. As I head towards the bedroom I hear something from the other room fall. Stopping in my tracks I slowly turn around. I walk into what used to be our bedroom, I haven’t slept in here in almost a year. I couldn’t stay in here without her.

   I search for the cause of the noise, looking around until I see a picture frame upside down on the floor. My blood runs cold as I recognize the frame, I reach down to pick it up and look at the beautiful picture of us during our first dance.

           We had decided not to do a slow dance, since we were both so happy, we wanted it to be a happy song.

           We danced out hearts out that night, and luckily the photographer was able to snap this photo. Both of our mouths open, half smiling, half singing. Her arms are up and her head is back, while my hands are on her waist smiling down at her. I remember this moment, it was seconds before I lifted her up and spun her around.

           There were days where I would say that we should’ve framed the picture of me spinning her instead. But she would always look at me and then back at the picture and say,

           “This shows everyone what our love it truly like, happy, wild, and free,”

           I clutch the picture to my chest and crawl into the bed we used to share, I cry even harder. And I sleep in the room she designed for the first time since she passed, and I stare at her beauty in our favorite wedding picture.