Enlightened

The water was eerily still. Calming. Almost serene. I leaned against the railing of the yacht trying to ignore the blaring music in the background. As usual, I found myself at a party I wasn’t interested in. Except for the booze. That’s a good enough reason to accept the invitation, right? I despise parties. But hey, for unlimited free alcohol, I can fake interest until I pass out. Besides, I’d rather drink around others than be alone at home, drinking myself to sleep, hating myself for not going to a party. The familiar ache gnawed deep inside my gut. Not now… go away. I shook my head, trying to clear it, willing myself to stop trying to understand. I looked down at my glass and saw more ice than bourbon. Almost time for a refill.

I sipped, absently listening to the ice clink in the glass. Between sips, I gazed at the black surface of the sea. It intrigued me, held my gaze. The surface was glass-like, a perfect reflection. I leaned further over the rail and saw my not-so-impressive reflection staring back at me. I frowned and adjusted my gaze to the horizon as best as I could after a long night of drinking. A full moon, reflecting orange in my woozy gaze, rose brightly, resting lightly on the water’s glassy, black surface. Glad my silhouette remained dark against the brightness, I blinked, refocusing on the detailed craters. It sure was beautiful. The intense color, the sheer size of something so far away, yet so close. Breathtaking. It blew me away, the moon. Always there, always surrounding us on Earth. Reliable. I was drunk. Alone, as usual, and drunk.

“May I offer you another?” a friendly voice spoke behind me.

Startled from my daze, I straightened upright, nearly losing my balance, embarrassing myself in front of a woman, “Oh, uhm.”

She giggled, “I’m sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you,” her bright smile seemed sincere.

“No-no, it’s all right. I just didn’t think… well, that I’d be found in such a secluded spot on the boat,” I laughed softly, even more embarrassed, “but, yes, absolutely. Another drink would be nice, thank you.”

She smiled, offering the glass, “I tend to seclude at parties myself, so no worries there. I figured since you have the best isolation spot, we could isolate together. I noticed you had something dark, so I took the liberty of bringing you more dark.

I tried not to grab, as I took the glass. We exchanged touches. I forced a phony smile. “I don’t mind the company or the drink,” as I lifted the glass for a toast.

“To better days,” she said, tapping her glass to the rim of mine.

Together we sipped, eyes locked. 

The silence shifted to the sound of the sea lapping against the side of the boat. I broke the brief awkwardness, extending my free hand, “I’m Jae.” 

“And I’m Jane,” she bobbed a slight curtsy. The absurdity of her gesture annoyed me, but I kept my smile bright. Jane’s smile softened, blinking her eyes gently. 

Suddenly, a blinding light appeared above her. Distracted, my gaze veered. The moon. It appeared to grow, threatening to fall on us. I swayed. The light intensified. Its orange hue transitioned to a blinding white light. I heard Jane’s voice quickly fading into the background, a distant chatter. Oblivion hit, and her existence dwindled into nothingness. The light consumed me. I wondered where I was and what had happened. I was conscious, or at least aware of my consciousness, but my body? Somehow, it had vanished. 

Slowly, the light was replaced by darkness. I found myself in some kind of void. Was I dead? As the thought of death entered my mind, I felt myself being forcefully pulled; a slight breeze brushed against my invisible form. My vision blurred as the momentum intensified. In the distance, a pinhole speck of light pricked the abyss. I felt myself speed towards it. I sensed an expression, a smile, forming on my shapeless face. Intrigue replaced earlier thoughts of death. I recognized an emotion I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Happiness. I basked in the feeling, the memories. My mental smile, a warm sensation, grew, as did the light ahead. 

Before I knew it, I was blinded again. I found myself urging my body upright. I was in bed. An unfamiliar bed.

“What a dream,” a voice spoke in my head.

The voice was not my own. Yet, I recognized it was mine, but the thoughts were not. My brows fell inward, eyes shifted from one side of the bed to the other, and the familiar voice continued.

“Uhm… am I going crazy?” he questioned.

I heard his question. I felt his confusion. The tension in my body intensified. I quickly realized my arms moving as they repositioned my body backward against the headboard. It was strange, to be me, and yet I had no control over my movements. My arm lifted, fingers slowly spread open, then closed to a fist and reopened. I was aware of the moment, cognizant of the confused state of mind which questioned every thought, every word I spoke. Even now. My hand abruptly fell to the bed.

“What’s going on?” he spoke aloud.

I suppose he spoke to me. Whoever me was. At this very moment, I was conscious within my own mind, my own body — at least I think they are — but in a completely new environment.

“This is my room. My apartment,” he spoke confused in response to my thoughts.

“No,” I corrected in thought.

“Yes. It is. Who are you?” he spoke, now aware of my presence, settling into the idea that somehow a foreign mind invaded his own.

Could that be possible? Could I have two conscious minds in the same body?

“That’s absurd, who are you?” he shouted.

I watched his eyes freeze in the lower, right corner of his gaze, waiting for a response. Even though I knew he knew exactly what I thought, which meant he knew I watched him wait for an answer. However, he knew the answer.

“Don’t you?” I thought with certainty in my tone.

Our eyes shifted left, we swallowed, and he spoke, “Me, Jae. You are me? How is that possible?”

“No clue, Jae. The last thing I remember was being at a party with some girl I met,” I remembered while thinking he remembers it as a dream.

“So it wasn’t a dream?” he remained confused. 

“Jae, I remember being on that boat, in reality, with Jane, drinking my life away,” I paused to think about my present situation, my present moment, and whatever life I had entered, “thinking about you, your life,” and his memories began to flood my consciousness. Remembrances of moments that never happened, jobs I never held, situations never faced, and then her face appeared, Adeline’s. A woman, dream-like, yet never before imagined, and as I held a memory of her face, I felt Jae’s heart race. “She’s… you, are-are not me, Jae. This is not my life. My life sucked! You don’t even drink!”

“I have no reason to,” he remarked, shifting a memory of Adeline to the forefront in our mind.

I felt myself laugh, but it was imaginary, “Adeline does not exist in my life. I feel that you love her. I mean, how could you not? She’s amazing, your true love, and me, I’m, well, alone and most likely dead.”

“Perhaps in a coma? If you were drinking so much, or maybe poisoned by Jane,” he suggested plainly.

I repeated his words, remembered my situation, and considered it as a possibility, “A coma, yes. How does that explain me here with you, in your mind, in my mind. Am I in some kind of parallel universe?”

“I’m not sure how parallel universes work, but I doubt when someone is in a coma, their mind somehow travels the stars and merges with themselves in another universe, if parallel universes even exist,” Jae thought aloud, and quickly reached for his phone that was on the nightstand.

“No! Do not call her,” I shouted, completely afraid from the idea of actually meeting her. She was absolute perfection in Jae’s mind. I could remember that. I felt it in his body, and how the thought of her influenced his heartbeat. It felt right having her a part of his life. I needed her, too. I wanted Jae’s life. Without her, I was lost and alone. I was a drunk.

“Look, I have her, yes, but you can as well. She’s right for us in every way. I know you can feel that. I know you know that. Whatever this is, however you got into my mind, in this life, in this ’universe’, if you want to call it that, then try to return to yours. Wake up, Jae!”

The phone rang.

Our eyes swiftly shifted downward at the phone we held in our hand. “Addie“ displayed on the screen. I heard his thought, the instinct and urge that swelled within to swipe.

“Sorry,” he swiped.

I felt myself curl inside our mind in an attempt to hide, as if she could see me.

“Good morning! Pancakes, bagel, or smoothie?” Adeline’s voice sang, gracefully speaking each and every word as if they were the most important words in life.

My attention heightened, my intrigue grew. I knew at that very moment, the moment I heard her voice for the first time outside of Jae’s memories, I fell for her.

“Calm down,” he thought towards me. “Good morning! Smoothie, please and thank you. You’re the best, you know…” he trailed, hummed, and thought about the current predicament.

The thought of him telling his girlfriend that a parallel self invaded his mind had me wondering how she would take it. It worried me. For his sake. He would sound absolutely absurd, crazy, but at the same time, I knew her as well. I knew she would not think that. It was purely my own mind, my consciousness and awareness of my previous life that simply thought that way. 

“Everything alright?” she spoke after a long pause.

“Oh, sorry, yes. I just woke up and had some awfully strange dreams. I’ll tell you when,” he stopped.

“What! She can’t come here, now, with everything going on! Are you insane?” I shouted.

“Uh, I mean, when you get here,” he continued after I interrupted his train of thought.

She giggled beautifully, gently, and spoke, “OK, wake up!”

“Yes ma’am,” he smiled lovingly, answering jokingly.

“Okay, see you soon,” she said and the phone beeped, ending the call.

“What now, genius?” I asked.

“Look, you can’t stay in my head forever. I know you love her, too, I see that, but I have a feeling you’re alive, or else your consciousness wouldn’t be here right now. You have to go back! You have to live. Have faith that you’ll find Adeline. Don’t go looking for her, but be patient,” he began explaining whole-heartedly, having compassion for me and himself, his soul, in a sense. “That’s right! I am you, you are me, and we are one, as with every other version of ourselves. So please, do our soul a favor, get out of my head, return to your own, and face life! You have choices. Make the right ones. I’m positive, Jae, that you will be united with Adeline one day. We found each other because it was meant to be, and it’s meant to be for you as well,” he ended sincerely.

I listened, I felt, and I believed him in a way. It dawned on me as he spoke, that perhaps I hid at every party because I was alone, yes, but also since I made the wrong choices in life. We swallowed, as my thoughts, my emotions, poured. The hairs stood on the back of our neck, limbs, and the tingling sensations surged throughout. I felt myself nod within his mind. I felt myself accept that I caused my life to dismantle and end up the way it did: in a coma and stuck in a parallel universe, perhaps.

He nodded once, confirming my thoughts. His eyes rose from the bed, peered through the windows ahead, and gazed into the blue sky outside, towards the vast universe. “Wake up, Jae,” he whispered as his eyes shut. 

I felt my conscious calm. I brought my attention back towards the darkness, into the nothingness, remembering how I arrived, and separated from him — from me. I pulled, I retracted, yet the light behind our eyelids remained. I whispered to myself, “I will choose to have faith,” and immediately I felt a tug. It pulled me, and I soared. The breeze against me, my soul, entering the dark abyss where I came from. As I was pulled, a light appeared in the distance, a pinhole. 

“Wake up, Jae,” echoed throughout whatever nothingness I was in. The world between worlds I supposed.

The pinhole grew, the light brightened as I sped towards it. The smile I wore remained while I approached the blinding light. It surprised me. For in this instant, I was happy to be alive, thrilled to have another chance. And faith grew inside, fully knowing that I would find my Adeline.

The moment my eyes fluttered open, I recognized the beeping of a heart monitor, the scents of a hospital room. I returned, aware of who I was, where I had been, and unquestionably enlightened.