2021

Top Ten Goals For 2021 

1. Do better in school. 

People say that school should be easy. That you should just be born with all the smarts you need. But that is not the case, at least not for me. There are some many problems with my brain. No one has ever really said to me. “Oh your brain is broken, you are stupid.” But I can tell they are thinking it. I can tell my parents think it every time I show them my grades. Every time my teacher asks me a question and I don't know the answer. People think they do a good job at hiding their thoughts but honestly they don’t and sometimes people's thoughts really hurt. So to make my parents and teachers happy and to show them I am not dumb. I will try a million times hard to get good grades. I will give my all and I hope that is enough. 

2. Workout 

People who are able to eat and eat but still be skinny are lucky and honestly I wish I was them. I will literally just eat a sandwich and gain like twenty pounds. My mom is always like, “Jordan you should be happy with your body, you are beautiful and you are definitely not fat.” And then right after she says that she offers me a snack like come on women are you trying to turn me into a giant potato. But that is basically what she says over and over. Like what does she know she is like super skinny! People just don’t know what it is like in your shoes even though they think they do. So basically I am going to start working out more and I will only eat lunch, breakfast, and dinner. Not any of those junk food snacks my mom offers me. 

3. Get good at art. 

If you really want to know, I feel useless. Like I am wasting air every time I take a breath. I do nothing. I go to school, (and fail by the way) then come home, fail at trying to do homework and then go to bed. That is my life and on the weekends I do nothing. So I was thinking that if I get good at art then maybe my life won’t be so meaningless, so boring. I want to get good at art because people who do art are great at expressing themself through it and I feel like I could tell so much through my art. So much about my thoughts and how I feel. Being able to show people things without really having to use words.

4. Be less sensitive. 

If you don’t already know I am pretty sensitive. I literally say sorry to everything and I don’t know why. I just hate when people get mad at me and so when I try to make them less mad at me I end up making them more mad. I like to say that I just have a giant heart and the littlest poke can shatter it. My mom always says, “To get through this world you have to have a heart of stone.” And for the first time I think I know what she really meant. So basically in 2021 I need to build a heart of stone. 

5. Save money 

One day I am going to leave my family and home behind to start a new life of my own and to do that I will need money. I wish when people said oh, come to america you will be free I wish they actually meant it. Because pretty much everything here costs money. I love my family and all but I think they will hold me back, They just love me too much I guess. But mom, if you are reading this I will still visit and all. Plus I still don’t know what is going to happen. I am only in 6th grade. So I am just going to save money so that I will hopefully have a shot at making it in this world. 

6. Be more open about  how I am feeling. 

I am not very open about my feelings and it is really hard to keep all my feelings bottled up. It is just I feel like I can’t really talk to my parents because I just feel like they will be mad at me or something. And I know my mom is always saying, “Don’t worry about how we feel it is not your job.” I know she is right but it is just so hard. So I just want to work on being able to open up more about my feelings and stuff because keeping all my feelings is really hard sometimes. It feels like there is a giant weight on my shoulder, so if I open up maybe my shoulders will feel lighter and I will be happier. I don’t know. I will try. 

7. Get some more friends. 

I have no friends. Zip zero. Not one. I am that one kid that walks down the hallway alone and eats lunch everyday alone. I can tell my parents really want me to start making friends but they were popular as kids and it was easier for them than it is for me. I feel like all the kids run away everytime I go near them. I actually tried to talk to someone the other day but it went bad. I got the courage to go up to the girl and say hi but then after that I could not say anything else. I was moving my mouth and everything but no words came out. I am pretty sure that girl thinks I am crazy now, but whatever. So I just want to try harder this year to make some friends. 

8. Take better care of your skin. 

It turns out the older you get you have to start washing your face and stuff like that. I just realized that a few months ago. So now I have really bad ace because I have not been washing and moisturizing  all these years. I swear if you saw me it looks like I have a bunch of tiny volcanoes on my face. And maybe if I did not look like I had a bunch of volcanoes on my face people will actually come talk to me. So in 2021 I want to take better care of my skin. 

9. Be nicer to people. 

I am not very nice to people. I don’t know why. Some people just annoy me a lot. Well most people annoy me but whatever. So maybe if I am nicer to people that will make it easier to make friends. But trust me I try to be nice. It is just that some people make me so mad and annoyed that I can’t handle it. From now on I will be nicer to people. 

10. Be yourself.

A lot of the time I do what people want me to do not what I want to do. I am tired of being bossed around 24/7. People never ask, “Jordan, what do you want to do?”  It is always, “Jordan, we are doing this instead so shut up and do it.” I don’t feel like myself most of the time and I am tired of feeling that way so I am going to be myself and no one can stop me. If they don’t like it they don’t have to be in my life. It is my life not theirs.