NOTE-this is my first submission. Apologies to whoever reads it, but I will keep working to get better. Thank you for this forum.
“It’s almost 2021. I saw that miserable wretch Colstein walking his dog today. Did you forget our little arrangement?”
Pete licked his lips, unsure how to respond.
“Well, there was a problem, see and well, I sorta thought-“
“You’re not supposed to think, Einstein. You’re supposed to wipe that scum off the face of the earth.”
The Man in Black leaned in, a small smile on his lips. He was enjoying watching Pete squirm.
This was actually his favorite part of the job. Collecting on favors.
“Last year you came to us. We didn’t seek you out, right?”
Pete looked at the table, his hands scratching his face absent mindedly. He shifted his weight on his chair.
“No, I came to you. And you did exactly what I asked for, but I... I just can’t.“
“You’re no killer, right?” the Man in Black said. He nodded as if he was consoling a friend. “But, I’m sorry, a deal is a deal. And my boss himself said this has to be done before the new year or he will personally take out his anger on you.”
Pete looked up, with all the blood leaving his face.
The Man in Black continued.
“Now, me, I thought all along you weren’t right for this job. Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re a good guy. But that’s the problem- you’re too good of a guy. I knew if we granted your request there was no way you would murder Mark Colstein this year. And now it’s New Year’s Eve and you haven’t kept your end of the deal.”
The Man in Black smiled, bearing his sharp, pointy teeth at Pete. He took off his sunglasses, revealing his orange snake eyes.
“If it was me and I made a deal with the Devil, I’d be sure to uphold up my end of the bargain. I mean, think about it. The Devil himself is going to come after you if the ball drops and that do gooder is still breathing. Now,” he says as he looks at his watch,” you have exactly six hours to kill the Reverend Colstein. Get going! Accomplish that goal!”
——————————-
The Reverend Mark Colstein was in his church at 9:00, cleaning up from the New Year’s Eve service he held every year. He liked to have a short devotional with a few songs before the members of his church were let loose on the town. He liked to give them a good dose of religion before they engaged in all the many different kinds debauchery they knew were wrong. But it was a holiday, so they believed their sins didn’t really count for the next few hours.
The Reverend chuckled to himself when he imagined what some of the college students were up to right now. They were so serious and pious a few hours ago as they were singing praise songs. Some of them were probably passed out by now and wouldn’t remember the night’s festivities.
He chuckled because he had been in their shoes himself, lost, looking for meaning but also not wanting to miss out on a good time.
Oh, to be young and carefree again. Instead, he was spending his New Year’s Eve picking up paper and snotty tissue paper. He looked at the footprints and decided he would also mop the floors. With any luck, he would be home and in bed by 11:00. His wife was probably already asleep.
As he was bent over scraping gum off the arm rest of one of the chairs, he had that feeling of being watched. He stood up and looked towards the door and saw a young man standing there, staring at him.
“Good evening and an early Happy New Year to you. You missed the service.”
The young man didn’t say anything. He then slowly looked around the auditorium.
“Are you cleaning this whole church by yourself, Reverend? Did everyone leave you alone?”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” the Reverend laughed. “It keeps me from getting into trouble with the other revelers.”
He eyed the serious young man. This man looked nervous, like he needed something but was too scared to ask. Almost like he didn’t even know what he needed to ask.
He clearly wasn’t there to offer his cleaning services.
“Is everything alright, son? You look like you’re in need of some help. Can I do anything for you?”
————————————-
Pete had his right hand in his coat pocket, his thumb flicking the blade of his knife. He had to do this. He made it this far. If he didn’t...
“I - I do need some help. And you are the one to help me,” Pete began. “It’s a hard story to believe.” Pete took his right hand out of his pocket and pushed his hair back and let out a small sigh. “I still can’t believe it.”
The Reverend Colstein motioned for Pete to sit down. Once he did, the Reverend sat in the seat in front and turned back to face him.
“Are you in trouble? You know, this is the place to be when you need help. And I may not be the best theologian ever, but I have done this for over 30 years and I’ve learned a thing or two.” He smiled at Pete.
Pete looked at his shoes and slowly shook his head.
“I can’t believe its come to this. Last year I was in a jam and needed help. So on New Year’s Eve, I turned to -“ He looked up at the Reverend. “I turned to the wrong, uh, people. They took care of a problem for me and now I owe them. I have until 11:59 tonight to pay them back.”
“Do you need money?” asked the Reverend. He could tell this young man was desperate and at his wits end.
“No, it’s not money they want. They have no need for money. They want me to do something. Something bad.” He looked at the Reverend Colstein. “Something you would most definitely not approve of.”
With that, Pete put his right hand back in his pocket and squeezed his knife. He tried to pull it out and pay off his debt to the Devil, but he just couldn’t do it.
Instead, he pulled his hands out and buried his face in them. He lowered his head onto his knees and let out a wail. The Reverend put a comforting hand on his back.
“I’m in so much trouble, Reverend. I won’t pay them back! I can’t do it!” He looked up with tears racing down his face. “You can’t imagine what they’re going to do to me. It is unspeakable. I can’t face them. I don’t know what to do!”
“Well, we all have put our ourselves in what we think are unwinnable situations and see no way out, but I believe there is always a way out.” He looked at Pete with as much sympathy as he could give. This poor man looked like he needed all the sympathy he could get. “Now you may still have your debt you owe, but if they want you to do something immoral or against your will, I think you can justify getting out of it or changing the terms.”
Pete let out a laugh that had no humor in it and shook his head.
“Thanks, but you don’t understand. I can’t change the terms. And immoral? They are immoral personified. They are demons. Like, for real. “
Reverend Colstein took in a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. He slowly let his breath out and looked Pete in the eyes.
“There are two types of battles going on in this world. The physical battles we see and the spiritual battles that we can’t see. I believe God is in control of both. I think if we ask God to help, a lot of times He answers in the spiritual realm where we can’t see Him fighting for us, but we see the results here in our world. We all have to face our demons at some point. I think it would be good for you to talk to God about it and see if He will help. You might be surprised.”
“You don’t get it. These guys are really demons. I mean, sure praying sounds good sitting here in a church, but what can it really do?”
“Try it. You have nothing to lose.” He smiled at Pete. “The Bible talks about God sending His angels to protect us. Maybe He will send them to protect you.”
Pete buried his head in his hands again. The Reverend didn’t know if he was praying or giving in to despair. But before he left to go get his mop, he gave Pete one last piece of advice.
“First Peter says if you resist the Devil, he will flee from you. Might be something there for you. Good night snd good luck.”
When he came back, Pete was gone.
—————————-
The Man in Black was waiting outside the church and he had a tall, dark person standing next to him. It was his boss, and his red eyes burned with anger.
“I knew he wouldn’t kill Colstein. He’s weak and doesn’t have that killer instinct in him. I’m going to tear him limb from limb and make him regret the day he cheated me!”
“Here he comes,” the Man in Black said, gesturing toward the door. “And by the fear on his face, I’d say Colstein is still alive and able to preach his sermons.”
Pete slowly walked down the steps, never taking his eyes off the two of them. When he made it down to the sidewalk he stopped and took a deep breath.
“I’m not doing it,” he told them. “I don’t care what you try to do to me but I am not going to murder a decent, peaceful man.”
“You’re going to wish you were never born,” the boss hissed. “When I’m done with you there will hardly be any remains left for mother to identify!”
Both of the demons bared their teeth and pulled their claws out of their pockets. They began to walk toward Pete. Then suddenly, they stopped.
They looked to Pete’s left. Then to his right. Then behind Pete.
Pete followed their eyes but saw nothing.
The demons, however, saw five mighty warriors standing around Pete, each holding a sword and looking like they meant business.
The boss hissed,”This isn’t fair! He owes us!”
Pete slowly looked around again but still didn’t see anything. He looked back at the two demons.
“I’m not your puppet. I don’t hurt people. And I don’t believe you can do anything to me if I don’t let you. I’m going home.”
He still looked scared, but he began to walk, and actually pushed his way past the two dumbstruck demons. They turned to watch him go.
“You haven’t seen the last of us!” bellowed the boss. “We will be back for you. You’ll slip up and these angels won’t be there to help you! Just you wait!”
“Not gonna happen,” said Pete. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’m no saint but I’ll never mess with the likes of you again. Now go away!”
And with that, Pete went home and celebrated the new year by surprisingly getting a peaceful night’s sleep.
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3 comments
Great first story! Also good to see the good guys win. I really liked your choice of names and the Pete/Peter thing was great foreshadowing. Minor editing note: I would use -em dashes instead of hyphens for aposiopesis. To make an -em dash, press and hold Alt, then type 0151 Example: And yet, when the car was finally delivered—nearly three months after it was ordered—she decided she no longer wanted it, leaving the dealer with an oddly equipped car that would be difficult to sell. See https://www.thepunctuationguide.com/em-dash.html
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Good description. The message was good and agree with previous comment. Submitting to God comes before resisting the devil. Read the verse.
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I came by this via the critique circle. I hope this feedback helps. Thanks for sharing your story, Jim. You describe yourself as something of a novice, but this story is well told. I love the way it uses almost purely narrative to move the plot forward. However, I find the ending a little too sudden and dramatic. If you know what I mean, it kind of makes the reader turn away and mutter, "Yeah, it all came right too easily for Pete. God did everything." God works in mysterious ways - I believe that - but not often by simply plucking His peop...
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