In the year 2045

Submitted into Contest #60 in response to: Write a post-apocalyptic thriller.... view prompt

6 comments

Adventure Drama Mystery

In the year 2045

             "Simply aim and shoot." Mark firmly said as his hands steady his daughter, Janneke's shoulders, as she aimed at the target. With sweaty palms, she pulled back the trigger, startled by the force of the gun, cursing under her breath. "Dad, I just can't do it, " Janneke moaned. "Yes, you can. Just try again." Mark commented in hopes of encouraging Janneke. "Why?" – "Because I need to know that you'd be safe."- Safe from what?" – "You know, just in case that, um. - "In case of what, dad?" Her empathic words fell on deaf ears.

             "Okay, let's try again," Mark said as he reloaded the pistol, but only two bullets he wishes to apply; you never know, handing the gun back to Janneke. Taking a deep breath, Janneke steadied herself, forcing the trigger; this time, the bullet almost hit the object. Applauding in the background, "Way to go." Her brother Edmund teased, "Good shot." – "Now that's enough," their dad, Mark, said, "She's doing fine." Frustrated, Edmund aimlessly goes back to the truck, mumbling to himself, 'what a waste of time." Occasionally, glancing around, he can't believe that their dad wanted Janneke to learn how to shoot; after all, she's just a kid.

             Edmund's cell vibrated, a text from their mom, Sarai, wanting to know how things are going, he quickly answers, "Fine," which is not entirely wrong; after all, he'd leave it up to their dad to let her know about Janneke's target practice.  Knowing that this is just a waste of time; after all, there will never be a need for her to defend herself.   If he and their parents are here to protect Janneke, she will always be kept safe.  As the afternoon quickly approaches, he heads back to the range; he motions to his dad, it's time to go home.  Mark nods as he taps Janneke's shoulders, "Time to go." Mark quietly said as the three of them trudge back to the truck, an old beat-up Ford, "She's seen better days," Mark added," But she is a good o' gal."

They piled in the truck, driving, though the mountains covered with an array of colors, from golden yellows, vibrant reds, and oranges, a reminder that winter is just around the corner. "Dad, thanks," Janneke said- "You're welcome, peanut," Mark teases.  Edmund rolls his brown eyes, "Okay, you guys," Edmund commented.  Mark chuckles to himself, remembering when Janneke was born and how Ed was very protective of her like all big brothers.    One never knows he whispers, glancing over to his children, letting out a sigh, both Sarai and him have been preparing for the day- when "Dad, you missed our turn off," Janneke yelled. "I did, didn't, I" – "Dad, do you want me to drive?" Edmund said—"No, I'm fine," Mark continued, "I'll make a "u" turn up there," gesturing to the road up ahead and with a couple of quick turns, they continued home, where Sarai had been already busy getting things ready for their trip up to the cabin up North, with one hundred acres of woods surrounding it. Somewhere, secure to ride out from all the chaos spreading across the country like wild-fire. A place of safety for their family for the time being until it is safe to return to their home.

             Sarai wipes her hands on the towel, peering out of the kitchen window, "any moment now." – Just then, Rufus begins to bark as he races to the front door, slipping and sliding across the hardwood floor. "Calm down, Rufus," Sarai said, laughing, opening the door as he rushes out with his tail excitedly wagging, joyfully greeting Mark with a sloppy kiss, "How’s my Rufus?” Mark laughed, patting Rufus’s head. Janneke rushes past Ed, running  up the steps to where their mother was standing, “Mom, it was terrible,”  Janneke sobs, as Sarai’ wraps her arms around her, “Shhh, it’ll be okay” -as she observes Marks's body language as he walks past them  into the house- “Dear, tell me all about it.”  Sarai takes a step back for a moment, leading Janneke to a chair on the porch, “Let’s talk, okay?” Wiping away a tear from her pale blue eyes.

             “Mom, I can’t do it.” Janneke sobs, “I just can’t”- “Can’t what?” Sarai softly said -

“I can’t, um..., Shoot a gun, Janneke continued, “I don’t want to!” – “Janneke, you said that you wanted to, remember.”- “I know, it’s just...” -- “Just what?” – “It’s hard,” Janneke’s words stung as she ran inside up to her bedroom, the slamming of her door echoes throughout the house. Leaving Sarai stun as she looks to Mark for an answer, “What happen?” Mark said that Janneke had a hard time hitting the target, “Don’t worry, she’d be fine” However, his words didn’t comfort Sarai after witnessing just how upset their daughter is acting right now. 

             “But I thought she did okay,” Sarai commented, “That’s what Ed said”

                            “He did?” Mark answered, “Why would he say that?”- Walking out to the barn, he came across Ed just as he was saddling up his horse, Thunder, “You got a minute, son?” – “Yeah.” -Making sure that his saddle is secured - “What’s up?” Ed said, focusing on his horse. 

“Why did you say that Janneke did “fine” when your mother asked you how she was doing?”

             “I don’t know.” Ed smartly answered, “I just did” – “Well, you should have told the truth.”- “Sorry.” Ed said as he mounted Thunder, with a gentle nudge, Thunder gallops out of the barn, freedom, Ed whispered, one last time when he can enjoy the open fields feeling the excitement of having a powerful animal under his control.  In a matter of minutes, the concerns that had found their way into Ed’s life were ebbing away with each passing moment.   Freedom, the word echoes within the canyon walls, far from anyone’s ears, it almost sounded like a silent prayer that Ed muttered secretly desiring for it to be true.

             With Ed gone, Mark turns and faces Sarai standing there with “that look.” That accusing look, “what have you done?” Shrugging his shoulders in disguise, Mark quietly walks past Sarai and into their house. A heaviness was starting to weigh on them, one that was silently ripping their family apart, equivalent to a small leak in a dam, just enough pressure, then it all breaks, causing irreparable damage. Sarai has become the latest to succumb to the strain. Now everything seems to fall on her to do whatever it takes to bring her family back together.  It won’t be an easy job, yet in her heart, Sarai knows what will be at stake if she fails to protect her family from this pending post-apocalyptic event.   Like a mother bear, she will defend her children, no matter the cost.

             Mark washes up at the kitchen sink ‘what if?” Crosses his mind as he finds himself spellbound by the setting of the sun in the west. “So many things can go wrong,” he mumbles under his breath, taking a deep breath.  “A penny for your thoughts,” Sarai jokingly said, wrapping her arms around his waist, whereas he turns around and kisses her.  After their embrace, Mark quickly views the kitchen and all the items that still need to pack; Mark comments, “I’ll bring in some more boxes, “As for Sarai, she busies herself organizing the different items, so when they arrived at their cabin, it won’t take long to unpack everything,  

             “Mom’ Janneke said, momentarily interrupting Sarai as she holds a jar of peanut butter, “Yes, dear?” Sarai wide-eyed, said, shifting her weight from her left foot to her right. “I’m sorry.” – “Dear, that’s all water under the bridge,” Sarai said, “Now, unless you want to stay and help me pack, otherwise make yourself useful and go upstairs and gather together all of your clothes for our trip.” – “Yes, mom,” Janneke quickly said, disappearing up the stairs as Mark comes barreling in with four boxes, “There”-as he places them on the counter, “That should be enough boxes.” Assessing the kitchen, Sarai smiled and said, “You care and join me?”-With a chuckle, the two of them start working on packing all the different items that sprawled out in the kitchen.   As the minutes ticked away, they chatted about their plans and how things will look like living up in their cabin; Mark has a way of planning how things will go since he has both served in the Arm forces, as well as the Police force, he is confident about how to survive out in the wild. Sarai listens as Mark explains just how to accomplish this new way of doing things, another reminder of how things were changing all around them-like a stone tossed into the water; it affects everything around it.  

              Ed dismounts Thunder, leading the mare into the barn, removing the saddle and harness, brushes Thunder before going back inside his home. The evening sun was just about to set in the horizon, as a gentle breeze whistle through the pines. A soft yellow glow emerges from within their home; a monostatic feeling washes over Ed; I’ll surely miss this place, whispering to himself just as he catches his parents in what appears to be a personal discussion. As the backdoor creak, Sarai and Mark paused to greet Ed, “Well, I’m glad to see that you are finally home,” Mark said, - “Welcome home,” Sarai added, “How about you clean up for dinner.” Ed said, “Yeah, okay,” Ed said as he trudges up the stairs; Sarai gives Mark a side glance, “Mark, why?’ - “Because,” Mark said before going into the living room, hoping to talk about this later, Sarai quietly finishes getting dinner ready for her family.

             Within minutes everyone has gathered around the kitchen table, chatting away as if nothing has changed, never mentioning that ‘white elephant’ in the middle of the room. Just another family time, except this, wasn’t the typical situation.  Hanging over them was a solemn reality, that this would be their last evening meal in this home and soon load up the vehicles and head north. Within the next hour, with everything loaded up and ready to go, Mark secures the house, making sure that everything is locked down. Nothing to chance, he said, as he jumps in the driver's seat. “Are we ready?” Mark announces, “Yes,” Sarai and Janneke said as they drove off, with Ed following close by with his jeep towing Thunders’ horse trailer.

             In an instant, Janneke’s world turns upside down; gone are her careful days, now with her family's new life here in the mountains. An experience that Janneke was not suited for, except her dad, Mark, this is where he thrives.  Sarai goes where ever her husband goes, following him faithfully, as she has done for thirty years.   Here is a new start for them, forgetting what is behind them, looking toward a new beginning.  “I want to protect my family.” Mark always said, whenever they would talk about leaving behind their old life for a new one, a place that they would be safe from the chaos. Now, after all the planning, this day had finally arrived.

             “It won’t be easy,” Sarai softly reminded Mark, “I know.” As they make their way down the dirt road leading to the cabin, with wide eyes, Janneke looks at this rustic house, “Is this it?” Janneke exclaims. – “Yes, this is it,” Sarai replies, giving Mark a side glance. “We’re home,” Mark announces to the dismay of Janneke. Their dog, Rufus, is the first one out of the truck, enjoying his newly found freedom, following by the rest of the family

             “Home,” Janneke whispers as she joins in unpacking the truck, with the sun starting to set on their new homestead, a weariness weighs on her, a feeling of something; however, she is unable to put the finger on it.  Nevertheless, this was going to be her new home, far away from her friends, everything Janneke had held dear to her heart. However, her brother Ed is more like their dad, excited to explore the surroundings, places where he can ride Thunder. To Janneke, everyone else is enjoying being here, though, she gets a feeling that her mom Sarai may have second thoughts. 

             Hours slowly wax away, getting settled in the cabin was exhausting for everyone; tomorrow will be a new day, Sarai mumbles as she crawls into bed, a good night kiss, she closes her eyes and falls asleep. Janneke gazes out from her bedroom window, marveling at the darkness that was surrounding them. A sigh escapes her lips; for the first time, she is afraid, afraid of what? She whispered, shaking her head, she crawls into bed, tossing and turning in her sleep until the first morning light filters into her room, opening her blue eyes and discovers that this was not a dream, that this is real.

             Listening to her parent’s downstairs, Janneke trudges down the cold wooden steps. Ed, unlike her, is already dressed to explore with their dad, Mark. “Morning sunshine.” Mark smiles, “Have some coffee” – “Mark,” Sarai said, “She’s too young” – “No, she’s not” With the debate going on, Janneke pours herself a cup of coffee, taking a sip she quickly dumps out the coffee in the sink, “That’s terrible.” Ed pats her on the back. “Way to go, kid.” – “Mom,” Janneke cried - “Now you two, please try and get along,” Sarai warred them. 

             “Well, Ed, are you ready?” – “Sure, Dad,” as the two of them go and exploring the surrounding area equip with motion detection cameras and a few traps all to deter any unwelcome visitors. “Mom, where are they going” – “To put up some cameras around our land”- “Why?”- “ Because,” Sarai answered- busy herself with cleaning up the kitchen, “Janneke, why don’t you just go outside” Ushering her out the door, right now, Sarai just needed some time to herself, and cleaning has always been her happy time.

             As the sun waxed away with the arrival of the evening, their first full day at the cabin, a quiet meal with a lite chat, they said good night, looking forward to another day. Like last night, Janneke still could not go to sleep as she listens to all the forest creatures, the echo of the Owl off in the distance made her more alert then she was before.  “It will be okay,” Janneke said aloud, pulling up her covers over her head, as she closes her eyes and fell to sleep

             The cool autumn breeze greets Janneke this morning; as her bare feet touch the floor, she listens, there isn’t any chatter from the kitchen; grabbing her sweater, she ventures downstairs only to greeted by Ed, her brother “Where’s mom and dad?” – “What?” Ed takes a sip of coffee. “I said, where’s mom and dad?” “Away,” Ed hastily said, finishing up his coffee. Janneke empties some cereal into a bowl along with milk and takes it up to her room to eat.  With a new start on this second day, Janneke heard unsettling news of her parents going somewhere, and she didn’t know where.  

             As the day wore on, Janneke was no closer to discovering where they were, and Ed chose not to say anything; keeping her gun close by her side, Janneke carefully plans for her escape in hopes of finding her parents.  With the sun setting in the horizon just beyond the mountains, Janneke waited until the first light, then she would leave. Everything fringes on this one thing, making sure that Ed is fast asleep.  Listening, Janneke hears Ed downstairs; as she quietly tiptoes down the steps, she sees Ed drinking their father's beer, with four empty bottles sprawled across the living room floor, he gulps down the fifth one. Janneke watched for a few minutes, then she disappearing back upstairs to her room, locking the door behind her.

             With the sun rays caressing her cheeks, Janneke takes her 38 cal. Handgun, a few bullets, carrying her shoes, quietly makes her way downstairs; there, Ed is lying on the couch, fast asleep. Rufus nudges her, “Shhh.” Janneke said, putting on his leash, they quickly make their way down the road; nearing the end, she spots a truck pushed off the side, suspiciously she approaches the vehicle, the buzzing of the flies in the cab catches her attention, as Janneke in horror opens her mouth to scream, only utter silence escapes from her lips.  Pulling on Rufus’s leash, she drags him from the truck, tears streaming down her cheeks, as she and Rufus trudge along the side of the road.

             “Simply aim and shoot.” Her fathers’ words echo in Janneke's thoughts; gone is her purity, now only remnants of a life she once experienced - a life changed with one swift move. 

September 23, 2020 15:32

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6 comments

Karen McDermott
13:35 Oct 01, 2020

From critique circle. I'm very sorry but I had to abandon reading this as like C Britt says there should be a new paragraph every time a new speaker pipes up - otherwise it's hard to keep track of who's saying what. Good luck for next time though :)

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Carol Keefer
19:59 Oct 01, 2020

Karen Thank you for your direction when it comes to dialogue. I would like for you to take a long at the story that I am currently writing. I would appreciate any suggestions that you may have. Just let me know my email is sissyk59@outlook.com Carol Ann

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C Britt
00:19 Oct 01, 2020

I'd like to suggest a couple of things that would make this easier on the reader. 1 - Watch your sentence lengths. Some of these are VERY long. For example: "As the minutes ticked away, they chatted about their plans and how things will look like living up in their cabin; Mark has a way of planning how things will go since he has both served in the Arm forces, as well as the Police force, he is confident about how to survive out in the wild. " is 57 words. Even if you broke it off at the semi-colon, that's still 36 words in a single sentenc...

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Carol Keefer
18:15 Oct 01, 2020

Thanks for your helpful tips

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Carol Keefer
20:03 Oct 01, 2020

C Brett I do appreciate your advice concerning my sentence lengths. As well as my character's dialogue. I would appreciate any feedback on the story that I am currently working on if interested my email is sissyk59@outlook.com Again, thanks Carol Ann

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C Britt
23:31 Oct 01, 2020

No problem. If you'd like, you can make an account and post stories to https://www.reddit.com/r/WPCritique/. It's all about critiquing other people's stories. That way you can have a chance of getting several people to give you feedback. :-)

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