Grace, hold your gaze.

Grace gazed up at the stars almost every night and tonight wasn't any different. She was an aspiring artist and under this beautiful night sky is where she got the most inspiration. There on the beach she sat  under the sky, guarded by the clouds, painted by a million stars. Each outshining the next. Out there with the rush of the wind competing with the beating of the waves somehow calmed her. 

Back at home, her mother and father yelled at each other, being passive aggressive and accusing. She was escaping while her siblings were pretending. Pretending the arguing didn't bother them. Pretending we were happy. Pretending we were normal, just like everyone else. This night she was inspired by the stars that  captivated her every night. Lovely they shined and the moon complimented them with every wink. She thought of how they were a perfect metaphor for human society. When we look at the stars, we see them as so small, as a whole - unimportant. When in reality, each star is uniquely its own ball of ferociousness， radiating its own light. She wrote these thoughts down in the notebook she always carried around with her. She wrote this down in hopes of being able to incorporate it into her art the next day. Only when the next day came, she didn’t have enough supplies. She had been delaying her trip into town for weeks now and for good reason. 

About two months ago, a man had threatened to kidnap her and she was afraid for her safety. "hey there," he started. Grace gave him her death stare, which said “fuck off” but he continued. " I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out?" Grace cringed. This man looked twice her age. His skin was fair but it appeared to be grimy and dripped with sweat. His bare head shined brighter than silver and his teeth were disgustingly stained and rotten. She avoided eye-contact and resumed her walk into town. "Uh," He chuckled. "I just thought you were kinda cute is all. We can go out for something to eat." Grace was revolted and it showed in her face but that didn't stop him. "c'mon" He gestured for her to get into his car. What? does he really think I'm stupid enough to jump into a raggedy car with some old creep like himself. He drove ahead of her and parked his car. She crossed the street so as to escape his perverted comment but he got out and crossed the street too. He stood about six feet away from her. He wasn't giving up easily. He began talking again. "I ain't gon' hurt you or anythin’. I just wanted to talk to you for a bit." Slowly, he took a step towards her and she took a step back. He kept talking but she couldn't hear him, She was thinking about how she was going to get away from him . I brought my knife. she thought, her father was an ex-cop and ensured that she thought about her safety. It was in her backpack though. He kept inching forward. She wasn't sure if she would be able to get to it fast enough and her time was running out. He took another step. She took two back. The streets were empty. She didn't have her phone. She was panicking. His eyes were bloodshot and greedy. She made a run for it. Past him, she knocked over a garbage can and ran into a parked car. She made it across the street but he was gaining on her. Cutting a corner, she heard him curse and quickly glancing behind her she saw him scrambling to get back on his feet. She kept running, wasting no time in slowing down. "You wanna act stuck up? Next time Imma just take you maself." She ran halfway home and hadn't been back to town since.  She needed her supplies though. Her art was the only thing that kept her sane around her parents. That and her nightly sits on the beach. Today she would go into town and face her fear. It was just a man not a monster, though he probably was a predator. It was likely just an empty threat. She thought. So her mind was set: she was going into town. 

She brought her mother’s pepper spray and her knife. This time she kept it close to her just in case. She held her bag close but after walking about a mile, she felt like she was being a bit paranoid. Consistently looking over her shoulder and checking her phone so she decided to lay off a bit but she still held her knife up her sleeve and had the pepper spray in the bottle holder of her backpack. At the end of the corner she could see the butt of a red, raggedy car. That could literally be anyone’s car. She whispered to herself trying to calm down. Her heart rate had already begun to go up by what felt like a thousand beats per second. All of a sudden the air became humid and she could feel beads of sweat trickle down the side of her face. Her breaths were short. She hesitantly took a step back and then stopped. She had stepped on something, She didn’t remember stepping over anything. Her back was sweating and she could feel someone's hot breath down her back with the putrid smell of whiskey and cigarettes. She didn’t waste a second turning around. One foot after the next. Breath. She told herself. Breath. In. Out. Breath. One foot after the next. Right. Left. Right Left. Run. He was close behind. She heard his heavy footsteps. Right. Left. Right. Left. Until he was directly behind her. His breaths were jagged. He grabbed hold of her, wrapping an arm around her neck.

“I toldja I’d get you didn’t I? You thought you was too good for lil’ ole’ me. I just wanted to take you out for dinner. ” She struggled with him and wrestled her hands free. She let the knife glide into her hand. With her other hand, she felt for his neck as he guided her to his car. She positioned the knife and waited for the perfect time to attack. The truck popped open. She could see inside, There was a trash bag in the trunk and a shovel in the back seat. 

“Fine! I’ll go with you to dinner okay. You want to go eat. Let’s go eat.” 

“That’s more like it.”

He loosened his grip just enough for her to make her next move and that she did. Swinging around in his arm, she was able to knee him in the genitals causing him to wince and let go completely. She took advantage of him being down. Taking a step back, she quickly stabbed him in the neck. On the ground he held his neck and groin. Wailing in pain. He cursed her but she wasn’t finished. Pulling the pepper spray from its place in her bag, she sprayed him square in the eyes. He screamed and cursed but was kept on the ground. Once more she stabbed him, in the stomach this time. Just enough to keep him from having any power over her. She took him by the arms and dragged him to the car. He was too heavy for her to pick up and put into the trunk by herself. 

“Help me put you into the truck or I’ll stab you again.” She whispered into his ear. He did as he was told. Still groaning and clutching his stomach, he hoisted himself into the trunk. “Good job.” She smiled, stabbing him three times in the left of his chest. Slamming the trunk closed, she silenced his screams. She took the license plate of the car and stuffed it into her bag and continued her walk into town ditching her sweater in the bushes. That day she was able to finish her piece. It was a beautiful white flower to represent her innocence. Then she splattered it with red paint to represent blood and silently she cried to herself. She needed to calm down. She looked fine but on the inside, she was on edge. She needed the cool rush of the wind and splash of the beach waves. She took her notebook down to the beach in her spot and gazed up at the stars and thought of all that had happened in her day. She didn’t talk to anyone about it but questioned if she even deserved to be alive. I’m a bad person. She thought. 

“I wish I was like you.” She told the sky.” I wish I had clouds to protect me from the evil of the world and stars to paint me beautiful and a moon to keep me company. But alas, I am just me, and I’ll always have you.”