it is natural

It is 16:56 the large clock says. Only four more minutes I'm so happy. Ballet class is about to end. I am so happy. Just two more minutes and I can run the corner shop next to my house. Mom said I can get a popsicle after class if I didn't spend all the pocket money she gave me last week. I'm already fantasizing about it melting in my hands. "You need to be responsible and learn the value of money" she would say to me. Even though I do not like to admit it, sometimes mom is right. Thank god, for once, I did listen to her and saved a few pennies. It is my 8^th birthday in just a few days. Mom promised she would get all the popsicles in the shop for my party. So so happy. It is going to be the best day ever!

16:58 the clock says now. "Alisa, head straight! Ms. Sveta, my ballet teacher yells at me. She always yells at me. Two more minutes and I will be out of here. after that it's ten minutes walking home, and I can get my popsicle. What flavor should I get today? Last week it was lemon. That really was not as tasty as I thought it will be. Who ever invented a lemon flavored popsicle is a big coo coo. No. for sure I am not getting that disgusting lemon again. I think today I will go for the coca cola one. I love coca cola so much. Mom almost never allows me to drink coca cola. "Do you want to have black teeth" she always asks. Daaaa, obviously I do not want black teeth. What kind of a person wants black teeth, anyways? Yach, disgusting.

My heart is beating so fast I feel it is about to pop out of my chest and runs before me for that popsicle, leaving me behind. Even my leg starts fidgeting with joy. Ms. Sveta is squinting her eyes, making them even smaller than they usually look. She is obviously not as excited as my leg and heart about the popsicle.

17:00 the clock finally says. Yes!! I am so happy. I let go of the bar handle and run quickly to get my things. I don't even change my clothes before grabbing my bag and I'm out. Freedom! The sun is so strong, it hurts my eyes as I escape after an hour and a half of sweat and yelling. Thank god the next class is only in three days from now. I run like the wind towards the corner shop. Nothing can stop me. Even Ms. Sveta's hard class and the exhaustion that follows it will not stop me. 

I told the nice shop guy i'm going to stop by right after ballet class. Alex was his name I think. He is so nice. Sometimes he gives me a popsicle for free. I love these days!

I finally get here. "hey Alex!! I yell out, a bit louder that I intended to.

"Hello young lady" he smiles. "I thought you're going to come soon".

"yup" I said, not stopping to properly greed him as I normally would, heading straight to the ice cream and popsicles fridge. I grab my popsicle, pay Alex and head out.

mmm, I cannot say it is as delicious as I had hoped it would be. Actually, I don't like it at all really.

I'm almost home now when I see mom and grandpa Vitaly walking fast they are almost running

"Mom" I call her. I am still going to eat the ice cream. Mom doesn't answer.

"Mom!! I yell louder. Why isn't she responding. Uffff the popsicle started melting now. "Grandpa!!!!" I yell even louder. Ok, no way they didn't hear me. I don't understand, why are they ignoring me? So wired. Oh well. Uff, I'm covered in popsicle now. I'm all dirty and sticky. Better go upstairs and wash it off.

First, I go into my grandmas Rachel's house. She lives in the apartment bellow with grandpa VItaly and her mom and dad- great grandma Berta and great grandpa David. I just call them grandma and grandpa. As I walk inside, I don't see anybody. But I do hear voices. Where are they?

"what do you mean maybe we don't tell her?" I hear dad say. "And when she asks where's grandma? Are we just going to lie to her" dad exclaimd. He's almost yelling. I never heard him yell at grandma before. What is going on here. and what does he mean where is great grandma. I see her right there. She is laying on the bed. I guess she is tired again. She has not been feeling so well lately and she's been tired a lot.

"She's eight years old" Grandma Rachel yells back at dad. she blows her nose. Is she crying? What is wrong. "I'm afraid how this will affect her, this could traumatize her" grandma is fully crying now. Ok, I need to find out what is going on here.

"dad" I call out. "what's up? What are you talking about? And where did mom and grandpa Vitaly go. Dad took a deep breath and started walking towards me. Why is he walking so slow. "dad, I bought the coca cola ice cream. It was not as delicious as the drink. I don't think I will buy it again. Please don't tell mom, but it kinda melted and I got it on my clothes" I wipe my shirt. "I have to clean it fast before she comes back".

Alisa" my dad says and takes another deep breath and grabs me by both of my shoulder. "I need to tell you something. It's about Grandma Berta. She died".

"died?" I asked. "what do you mean? I see her right there". What does he mean dead? Up until this moment I never met a person who died. I saw it happen in a few movies. If I remember correctly, people usually cry. They wear black shirts and get a lot of hugs. Which is exactly what happened next. Dad hugged me and said "she wasn't feeling well, and she died. She's gone. We could not save her in time unfortunately". I didn't know what to say to that. Should I start crying. Maybe I should go and change my clothes into black.

"You should go into Grandma Berta's room and say goodbye now" he said and turned me towards grandma's bedroom. I know where her bedroom is. I walk pass grandma's Rachel's room. She is sitting on her bed, holding a handkerchief. When she saw me, she immediately hid her face in it. I didn't go into her bedroom, instead I went straight to Grandma Berta's bedroom. I stop at the door. She is not really moving. Looking at her again I realize she is not moving at all.

dad puts his hand on my shoulder again and pushes me forward. "Don't be afraid" he says. "she's okay now. She is much better now. She doesn't feel any pain anymore".

I start walking towards the bed. When I get there, I look at grandma's face. She looks like she's napping. But she's not moving. Not talking. Does that mean she won't make me sandwiches anymore? Who is going to read to me now? I don't really like the way Granmda Rachel reads. She's not making the funny voices grandma Berta makes.

Am I going to talk to her again? Tears start streaming down my face Uncontrollably. I cannot stop myself now. I bend over and hug her. Just before I reach grandma, I pause. Dad is standing by the door. He nods. I hug her so tight now but she's not reacting. I don't think I will talk to her again. My chest feels strange. I never felt like this before. I feel like somebody hit me in the heart and now it will not stop hurting.

"goodbye grandma" I say as it dawns on me that I will not talk to her again after this. I kiss her. Turning around, I notice Grandma Rachel is also standing now at the door with my dad. her eyes are even more swollen, and she is blowing her nose again. As I walk out of the bedroom my dad grabs and hugs me so strong it hurts. "ouch, dad". The tears will not stop. How do I make them stop?

"Why did she die, dad?

"She wasn't well for a long time, Alisa. She was very sick. Until her body could not take it anymore and gave in. it is natural"

It does not feel natural to me. Why should grandma just die. What's natural about that anyway. "Are you going to die too" I ask. I did not mean to ask it. My lips did it by themselves without me controlling them.

"Someday" dad says. "but it is ok, it's natural. It is the way of life. When your grandparents die it is natural. When your parents die, you know you are next.