Illusions of contentment.

Amy readied her bag and her dog. No matter what her schedule was, taking her dog on a walk was a must. Her and her dog, Rambo, headed out the door and began jogging. As Rambo sniffed around, Amy's mind wandered. She began thinking about the girl who had just moved to the neighbourhood, the really pretty one. Amy had never been one for romance but this girl intrigued her. Though these feeling of attraction were new, she had always kind of known who she was. Even if she accepted herself, she was sceptical of other people having the same reaction. Most of all she wanted to confess to her mother. They had always been close and she imagined coming out and her mother being supportive and accepting. She was awoken from her daydream when she noticed a small group of girls walking around, chattering excitedly. She recognised them to be her best friends, or rather her old best friends.

She had once loved and cherished them. Then she had discovered that they had made numerous plans to hang out without her. She felt unwanted and wished she didn't have to exist. She felt an immense, crushing sadness. She imagined them walking up to her and greeting her with open arms. Instead of waltzing into them, she'd tell them off.

"Oh so suddenly you all want to hang out with me? While I was busy, quarantining during a pandemic, you guys were hanging out without me. Well, guess what? I'm much better off without you. I'm way happier and free than I was when I was with you guys, so no, I don't want to talk to you."

Instead, Amy kept her head down. She pulled Rambo along and walked faster. She pictured herself being bold and honest, but in truth, she missed her friends. She was angry at them, angry that they had betrayed her and preferred to not even invite her. But more so, she was sad, sad that the friends she once trusted didn't even like her. So she walked along.

Rambo and her would always go to the dog park, situated a bit outside the colony. It was a gated structured, but it was by no means safe. Every day, Amy noticed a horde of men staring at her. Men who, given the chance, would do terrible things to her. Maybe she was just assuming their intentions, but she observed the way they gaped at her. She unintentionally felt fear creep up her shoes, crawling towards her neck until she had shivers all over. They were there every day, just sitting. Most of them didn't wear masks. The ones who did wouldn't wear them properly. They'd stare at her with their beady, greedy eyes; making her feel self-conscious and unsafe. In spite of Amy hating every single minute of it, she went there every day to satisfy Rambo. Seeing him exhausted and fulfilled made her feel accomplished and content.

She wanted to yell at the men. Have them know she wasn't just an object to be stared at. She'd say something along the lines of," Don't you all have something better to do or would you rather gawk at a 13-year-old girl?"

She envisioned them never peering at her again. Again, in her dreams, she was brave and curt. She wasn't a fan of being rude, but she liked the idea of being intimidating. So that no one would cross her again. However, she knew it was better to stay quiet. She had heard horror stories about women who stood up to men.

Finally, with Rambo's tongue lolling about, Amy was free to go home. As they walked back, an old friend of Amy, Lola, approached the pair. Despite despising surprise social interactions, Amy was glad to see someone who wanted to talk to her. It had been a long time since she had talked to a friend or anyone under the age of 40.

Lola said," Amy, its been so long since I've seen you! How have you been?"

Amy hesitated. Should she tell an old mate how sad she had been lately? About how she currently didn't have any friends or how stayed in her room all day?

Amy replied," I'm good. How are you? Anything new?"

Lola smiled and said," I'm glad to hear that. I've been well. I've moved to a new colony and have managed to make tons of new friends. You should visit sometime."

"I would love to! It has been great talking to you, but I think Rambo's getting impatient, so I'll be on my way then. Have a great day, Lola."

Lola and Amy waved each other goodbye and went on their own separate ways.

Amy entered her home and released Rambo from his leash. She washed her hands and peeled away her mask. Her mother was home and sitting in the living room. They greeted each other with a hug and a smile.

Her mother asked," How was your day?"

Amy knew the answer: terrible. She had woken up late, done nothing productive, seen her former friends and felt objectified. So like every other day then.

She replied," Oh, it was okay. How about you? Anything new in the office?"

"Ah, you know, the same old. Meetings, presentations and boredom. Tell me something interesting. Any new boys in your life?", her mother asked suggestively.

Amy thought about telling her mother about the new girl in the colony. But was put off by her mother's use of 'boys'.

"Mother, you should already know the answer is no."

"Yes I do, but one can hope."

Disappointed by her mother's traditional and narrow-minded ways, Amy made up an excuse and went up to her room. She glanced at her phone and thought about reaching out to Lola, or anyone who would listen. Scratch that, who would want to listen to Amy? She laid in her bed and closed her eyes, picturing a life in which she had friends, an accepting mother and a secure environment. She imagined endlessly, for imagination was all she had.