20 Years

Clifford’s 20 Years 

  “Good morning everyone!” Said a man in a thick white cotton scarf with a bright smile and crooked teeth. 

  He smiled at a group of people that sat in a circle on the floor on soft pillows. The sun shining down on everyone from the high windows in the gym and reflecting off the shiny wooden floors highlighted everyone making them look heavenly. The man in the scarf glowed the most as the sun highlighted his soft brown skin. 

  “Welcome to grief counseling” said the man as he sat with his legs crossed and his hand on his knee caps. 

  Everyone in the room sat quietly and stiff. Only the eyes of all 12 persons moved as they all tried to scan the room from their peripherals. 

  “So, we’re going to get started. We’re going to go around the room now and say our names and as well as why we are here. Who would like to go first?” said the man in a soft mellow tone as he adjusted his scarf to loosen it. 

   Not a single body moved much less breathed. Everything and everyone froze as they stared daggers at the man. 

   “Okay I’ll go first then. I remember my first class and I know how hard it can be” said the man as he took his scarf off, placing it in front of him on the floor. 

   “My name is Nelson, and I’m here because I lost someone a year ago and since then my life has not been the same” the man said as he looked around the room. 

   As Nelson was about to gather himself to ask someone else to speak, a man sitting at 6 o'clock from him in the circle cleared his throat. 

  “I have a story I would like to share” said a short man with short brown hair and a light complexion that glowed with the sun. 

  “Oh, yes please share” said Nelson as he directed his attention to the man across from him. 

  “Well, everyone my name is Clifford and I too lost someone and my life has completely changed” said Clifford as he looked around the room before he started speaking. 

  Sitting still and clasping his hands Clifford bagan:

  It all started as a normal day for me. My alarm clock went off, and I sprung up at exactly 5 am. With no time to waste I peeled my comforter back and stepped off my bed into my slippers. I fixed the sheets, corner to corner making sure the bed was as it was before I slept in it. Walking over to my calendar I checked everything that needed to be done that day as I would any day. 

  I would have breakfast at 6 after getting dressed, it would take exactly an hour and 30 minutes to get to work, then when I got to work I would spend exactly 30 minutes saying hi to all my coworkers. I would then work from 8-12 then go to my favorite sandwich shop for lunch, and get back to work at exactly 1 and then work from 1-5. I would then take exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes to get home. Once I got home I would see my wife who had been traveling for months and finally had a break to come home. 

  I took a mental note of my day and began getting dressed. I walked over to my closet that morning to get my suit that was ironed and hung up ready for me, as each suit was planned by day. I laid my suit on the bed and began my morning hygiene. I got dressed, ate and got in my car to leave and that’s when things started to go left. I should have known then that the day wasn’t like every other day. 

  As I started my car I noticed the gas gauge was at a quarter of a tank and I needed exactly half a tank to get to work. I knew getting gas would add 10 minutes more on to my commute that I didn’t want to add. I drove as far as I could with a quarter tank and then pulled over to get gas. Surprisingly I made it to work with 20 minutes to spare for saying hi to everyone. 

  As I was on my normal trip down the cubicles greeting everyone I was pulled into the office. My boss wanted to tell me that he had to fire me because I was doing average work, and to that I tried to explain to him I did the same thing I have done for the past 20 years. His response to that was that he needed to make room in the company for new and fresh brains and I wasn’t what the company needed anymore. 

  On my way home from work that day I felt an anger I hadn't felt in years. I got so angry I drove my car off the road crashing my car I have had for 20 years. I sat still crying until paramedics came and checked me out. After I was given a ride home from a tow truck I sat in my suit with my shoes on in the shower because I had no idea how to feel. I stepped out of the shower and sat on the bathroom floor shaking because suddenly I didn’t know where I was and nothing looked familiar.

  Time had passed in the day and my wife came home and I could still hear her calling my name now. That day I didn’t know who she was. I looked at her in confusion and when she realized I didn’t know who she was she tried to tell me we had been married for 20 years. Her soft brown skin felt strange to me, her curly hair smelled unfamiliar, and our home looked brand new. 

I had to be admitted to a hospital that day. I was in a facility for 6 months and when I came out my wife was gone and I was left jobless and lonely in a big house trying to remember how to do daily tasks again.

  In the facility I learned that 20 years ago when I was 21 I survived a house fire that killed my entire family and that was the day I died. I shifted into an autopilot version of myself that planned every moment of my life in order to go on without truly living. I was a dead man walking around and I just woke up after 20 years. Now I’m mourning my death and learning to feel again. 

  As Clifford looked up at the circle of people, tears bubbled at the corners of his eyes. Everyone in the room looked blurry and everyone looked at him in silence. 

  “Clifford, thank you for sharing. I know that was hard and I want to apologize for your loss. It gets better I promise” said Nelson as he looked Clifford deeply in the eye. 

  As everyone else shared their story and names around the room Clifford sat still listening. Everyone had plans that were ruined or planned their life out day to day and that got ruined. At the end of the meeting everyone shared something they had learned and when it came around to Clifford's turn he was filled with emotions that he hadn’t felt in years. 

  “Today I learned that you can’t live through plans. Plans are there to guide you. Life is hard but planning it doesn’t make it easier ”, said Clifford as he looked around the room. 

  Everyone nodded in agreement as they started to clap loudly for Clifford. As the meeting wrapped up everyone said they would be back next week except for Clifford. Instead Clifford smiled at everyone and walked out the gym doors. Walking towards the exit Clifford could see a bright light that he was very attracted too. Walking towards the light Clifford could see his family. Smiling hard he walked into the light as everyone watched in pride.