The Oracle and the Jester

Speak now. The voice of the Oracle boomed. Their words echoed across the ages, through the boundary planes and beyond the Reach. Shadows receded at their call, dissolving like mist before the dawn, to be replaced by the everlasting light of the Eachoros - the first stars of the universe. Their brilliance painted the void with ethereal colours - the Oracle's visage intangible yet perceived by the eye of the soul. They knew not time, they knew not space, still the cosmos became them and moulded to their will. Witnessing the beginning and the end, the cause and solution to all calamity, though would not enact it. For they were merely the curator of knowledge, an immortal confined to the celestial plane.

Only the chosen may encounter them and ask but one question. Few had asked - few deserved to receive the council of the ancient god. For millennia, no man or beast had entertained them, gazed upon their infinitude, or borne witness to their unimaginable power.

They turned their many senses to their devotee, listening closely, carefully, and willing to share whatever secret truth they requested.

What do you call an irritating goblin? The kobold in their presence held a beaming grin, snickering under his breath.

The oracle was at first confused, unsure of the purpose of his question. Normally those welcomed to assembly asked of the functions of the universe, the meanings of life, happiness, or the source of immortality. If they'd had eyes to furrow, they would have, searching the deepest recesses of their infinitude for a solution.

We would say, by their name, if appropriate. Regardless of their nature, or if it is the goblin which is themselves irritated, all mortal beings who define themselves by a title deserve to be addressed as such.

But the kobold only frowned, sneering as his smile steadily curved into more of a straight line. No. That's not the right answer.

Then pray, what wouldst thou determine as the correct retort?

He grinned again. A bugbear!

They said nothing for an age, contemplating the kobold's apparent solution. Does that infer that all bugbears are particularly annoying? Or afflicted with a blight that should inflict irritability?

It's a joke. A bug-bear.

We hold the collected understandings of the multiverse. We see all, know all, are all. And yet we find ourselves doubtful of your intentions, and the ambitions of your query.

He found himself pitying the infinite god. Hasn't anyone ever told you a joke before?

Thou hast worshipped me on the mortal plane for the extent of one's current existence. Only those of equal claim can ever hope to meet us in address. Most inquests are in relation to the potential of our omniscience, what secrets beyond physical understanding we could disclose...

So that's a no?

That is technically three questions thou hast solicited... No, we have never been told a joke.

The cosmos surrounding him both glimmered and waned, as the stars themselves looked inward, questioning their apparent ignorance. I'm performing for the king's council on the morrow, I hoped to try my out best material first, but you never know who you can trust these days. My rivals are everywhere, with ears to the ground in taverns and inns across the continent. So I thought, who better to turn to, than the god of knowledge themselves? He tapped his claws together.

We possess unbounded wisdom, existence is within and around us. We have never failed in providing our followers with answers. Although in this moment, we have found ourselves challenged... Thou hast embraced us, pledged their allegiance to us. With the only instant thou shall ever know to engage with us, thou forgoes the desire to unlock the secrets of all knowing, and instead should offer... A joke?

Yep. He clapped his jaw, patting his knees as he drifted through their immensity. So, what'd you think? Funny, not funny, offensive?

We... They hesitated. We are all understanding. Yet we fail to recognise humour in thou's words.

Oh... Alright... So what do you think... What makes a joke funny?

All comedy is dependent on the set-up, punch line, and how its theme resonates with the audience. 'Bugbear' relies on thou's audience identifying the correlation between 'irritate' and 'bug.' Its degree of humour rests upon the audience's understanding of the common language, and the definition of 'bugbear.' A play on words is fated to have limited appeal, especially one so obscure. But heed this, thou art the creative force of comedy, and as such has the ability to create or destroy jokes, to compose or destroy comedy.

Well you're a barrel of laughs, aren't you (?) He closed his eyes, deep in thought. Okay, I think I understand.

We are curious, why didst thou not simply ask us for the best jokes of all time to deliver at your performance?

The kobold snarled, Hey, I don't steal material - I'm no hack. And you know, I figured no one had ever tried to give you something before. Everyone demands knowledge or understanding of the universe, no one ever gives anything back.

The Oracle shuddered, their immensity blushing in violet hues and giving light to the celestial plane they called home.

Did I say something wrong?

No... Thou speak an endearing truth. The denizens of the universe, my acolytes and devotees - none have ever offered us insight, or otherwise.

Really? So what would you like then? What would a god desire of us mortals?

We want and need for nothing. And yet, this conversation has sustained us, and granted us a truly priceless gift - that of reflection. We thank thee, and offer thus; go forth to your king's council, have faith in yourself, and thou shall be celebrated as jester.

Cool, thanks! He folded his arms, mumbling away to himself. Now I just need to come up with some new jokes.

Then you may remain here to hone your craft for as long as you need. No time shall pass in your realm while you compose.

Hmm... Okay, I think I've got one. Why did the knight bring chalk on his quest? So he could draw his sword!

Sigh... This is going to be one long eternity...