A 'thanking you' type of farewell

Julia relaxed on her couch. It had been a long day at the office with all her crazy coworkers and the antics they got up to. She took her glass of wine in one hand, and was stroking her cat Mac, with the other. She had had Mac since her 11th birthday, and had been through everything with him. As the now 27 year old woman she was, she had gone through every major life milestone with him. Middle school bullying had been comforted by Mac, highschool boyfriend breakups, senior year sadness, college home sickness, a broken engagement, four shitty apartments, and one cancer scare had been fought off by the kitty's love. The old, orange man had always had wonky whiskers and now had gone gray in the face. He didn't catch lizards anymore, nor jump on the counter, nor roll down the stairs. But, he still hadn't lost his outrageously loud purr and love for canned tuna.

Julia stroked his head as she thought about Mrs. Desantos, her boss. She was mid sip when she all of a sudden felt Mac making sharp movements. She looked down and saw Mac's eyes rolled back in his head and his teeth clamping down on his tongue. He was mid seizure.

Julia threw her glass to the ground and pressed Mac between her forearms to stabilize him. She couldn't think. This didn't happen to people like her and cats like him. Her cat was having a seizure. Something was terribly wrong.

The next day, Mac was lying on an examination table and Julia was pacing around while the vet felt at his stomach.

The next week Julia was looking over scans and listening to the vet talk about brain metastases.

The day after that Julia crouched down to cat level and looked on as Mac ignored the can of tuna placed in front of him and slowly swayed away. Julia started to cry as she realized this was not good. She pet his head and picked him up and set him down in front of it again, through tears begging him to eat. He hadn't eaten in days, and suddenly his mortality became very real.

The next day Julia was standing outside the vet's office with Mac in a carrier. Julia reached for the door, and as she did, she couldn't help but cry. The burning in her throat lit up and her face contorted into images of pain. She dropped the handle like it was red hot and looked at her hand. This hand would kill Mac. Her face burned and she wanted to collapse. She set the carrier on the ground and sat down next to it, looking through the bars at Mac's face. His eyelids were drooping and he was curled up and shivering in the carrier. She reached a finger through the bar, looking for her life partner's reassurance that he was there and okay. He tried to come and touch Julia's finger with his dried up nose, but when he strained to move, Julia pulled back and let him rest. She felt guilty for making her baby hurt for her own reassurance.

Instead of touching her, Mac purred to acknowledge her need for love, he knew that she was in pain. He always knew.

Julia crouched down to cat-on-table level and looked at Mac laying down, exhausted. As she stroked Mac's matted orange fur, he purred louder than a motorboat. He had been unable to meow, move, and groom himself for a while now after the seizure. Julia had taken time off work to just sit with him and nestle her face near him while he sat, unable to move and unable to sleep in pain. Julia began to weep, again, knowing this was the last time she would hear Mac's purr. It wasn't the smooth, buttery purr he had always shared, but now a choppy grating sound, that would fade in and out when his throat tired. She willed her ears to drink it all in, to feel the sound and treasure it. She started to sob.

The veterinarian walked in with a few syringes and bottle of medication. He asked if she need a minute alone.

Julia said no, he better get started because Mac shouldn't be in pain for anymore time.

"Thank you Mac-", she began, interrupted by every of Dr. Igra's movements.

The vet snapped gloves on, first the left,

"You were always there for me-"

then the right,

"And you did it all for free-"

Igra ripped the plastic guard off the syringe.

"Because you loved me so much-,"

The vet attached a needle with a 'crack!'.

"And I love you so, so, much."

There was a pop as he put the needle into the jar of medication.

"Which is why I have to do this to you, please understand-"

The bottle gurgled as the liquid was sucked into the chamber.

"I know you will always be in my heart-,"

the needle suctioned away from the bottle.

"And forever having changed my life-,"

The empty bottle clinked into the garbage bin.

"and saving me from all the pain I would've felt if you hadn't been there,-"

The vet clicked his fingers against the shot.

"like all the times when I came home sad-,"

Dr Igra advanced towards the table.

"And you knew to sit in my lap and give me your precious love-."

He separated the fur at the base of Mac's thigh.

"And I can't say anything at all to describe-,"

The needle was inserted,

"how much I need you still-,"

The plunger was pushed, releasing the meds.

"But I will let you go,-"

Mac's eyes grew heavy and his purring quieted.

"Because I love you."

His eyes closed, and with a final twitch, Mac grew silent and still.

Julia continued to sob and she pet Mac's lifeless body. She threw her arms around him and cried into his fur. If he had been there, he would've come running to her and hopped in her lap, purring and licking at her face. But Mac wasn't there. His body was, but who knew where he really was. Where his loving spirit, funny personality, courage and nimbleness, and most of all knowingness was. Who is to say? But one day, restored to his prime, painless, he will come bounding through a meadow of other perfect pets, sprinting to a light in the distance:

Julia as she crosses into Mac's eternal domain.