MacLunkey

“What do you want to do for New Year’s, Ollie?” Sara said.

“I don’t celebrate New Year’s, love,” Oliver said as he flipped the end of his silver cufflink. 

“Really? Why not?”

“It’s all silliness if you ask me,” Oliver said. 

“I think it’s kind of fun. You get together with your friends, have a few drinks, and do the big countdown. How’s that silly?” Sara said.

“People drink way too much on New Year’s. Alcohol related automobile accidents increase by over 70% between six and midnight on New Year’s Eve. You’re asking for trouble if you’re out on the road,” Oliver said as he tied a Balthus knot, a double Windsor. Oliver tucked his tie, which ended around his mid-torso, into the front of his Brooks Brothers vest. 

“What if we went to a party at a hotel, like the Marquee? We could get there at like 3 in the afternoon and stay over night,” Sara said.

“We could just drink here,” Oliver said. 

“Yeah, but the countdown would be so fun. A big crowd, a band ringing in the new year,” Sara said. “It wouldn’t be like Times Square or anything, but it would be so fun, Ollie.”

Oliver paused. “Sara, love, what if I told you a secret about Times Square on New Year’s?”

“Ooh, a secret,” Sara said, rolling her eyes.

“Did you know that nearly everyone on television on New Years Eve in Times Square is wearing adult diapers? Sure, the tele makes it look like a big fun party, but underneath, every man, woman, and child smells like piss and shite because they have to stand there for hours upon hours with nowhere to go to the bathroom except in their pants. It’s a metaphor for the whole occasion, if you ask me.”

“The Marquee has bathrooms right off of the main ballroom,” Sara said.

“Yes, but—”

Sara began crying. “My father. My father died on January fifth . . . ten years ago. New Year’s was the last . . .”

“Oh, Sara, I had no idea,” Oliver said. 

“It was the last happy memory I have of him, with him. We stayed up to watch the ball drop together. He told me he didn’t drink a drop that night. He said he did it for me. He was so close to getting a chip at one of those meetings he went to every night. Then, the dam broke. He wrapped his car around a telephone pole and that was that,” Sara said. 

“Sara, this New Year’s, we shall spend the night at the Marquee, enjoy the cover band in the ballroom, and countdown the new year in style,” 

“But it’s silly,” Sara said, putting air quotes around “silly.”

“Not if it means something,” Oliver said. “New Year’s never meant much to me.”

“But you don’t think . . . what about traditions? Are they meaningless? Do you think people who celebrate New Year’s are morons or something?”

“No, look, I guess the whole New Year’s thing turns me off because it’s a bunch of drinking and carrying on over nothing more than an arbitrary date change. It’s one year later. So what?” Oliver said.

“But what’s arbitrary about a calendar? It’s ordered and scheduled. That’s not arbitrary. It’s a big deal, Ollie.”

“Do you like wrens?”

“Yes, they’re my favorite bird,” Sara said. 

“Do you think wrens know what year it is?”

“Of course they don’t. They have no need to know what year it is. But we know what year it is and how many have passed for us. It’s—I don’t know—significant to me that my father died ten years ago. I celebrate him on New Year’s Eve by counting down,” Sara said, tears welling up again.

“I’m sorry, Sara.” Oliver walked from the mirror to the bed and sat beside Sara. He took her hand. 

“Honestly, the reason I don’t like New Year’s Eve is because we were poor growing up on Auckland. We worked on New Year’s to make extra money. Service jobs pay more on New Year’s,” Oliver said. “For me, New Year’s brings to mind the worst of humanity—the vomit, the piss, the petty arguments. I had to see it. All of it. I hated it, Sara.”

“The countdown is all that matters to me, Ollie. If we’re together, I don’t care about the Marquee.”

Oliver paused. “I don’t want to watch the ball drop.”

Sara paused. “Maybe we could watch a movie or something, one that ends in a big explosion. We could time it so that the explosion happens at midnight,” Sara said.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to get me to watch Star Wars again with you?”

“What ever gave you that idea?” Sara said, smiling.

“Because Star Wars ends with that big round ball thing exploding,” Oliver said. “And then those tiny little bears in the woods have a big party, like it’s New Year’s.”

“No, that’s Return of the Jedi,” Sara said.

“I thought that was Star Wars. Which one is Star Wars?” 

“There’s actually a few different Star Wars movies that end with big explosions. We watched Return of the Jedi, which ends with the destruction of the second Death Star. A New Hope, which was originally called just Star Wars, ends with the destruction of the first Death Star. Then, there’s Phantom Menace, which ends with the destruction of the Droid Control Ship, which was like a little Death Star. Then, there’s Force Awakens, which has the Starkiller Base, which is like third a Death Star, but they didn’t call it that.” 

Oliver smiled. “So, how do you know when to start the movie so the explosion happens at exactly midnight?”

“It’s on the internet. You can just look it up. People do this all the time.”

“But what if I fall asleep?”

“Like when we watched Jedi? I’ll just wake you up for the countdown.” 

“American cinema fascinates me.”

“You didn’t watch Star Wars in Auckland?”

“Well, we all saw it, but no one was so obsessed with it like people are here. We were more into Rugby.” 

“Would you rather watch Rugby on New Year’s Eve?”

“Nah, it’s off season. Let’s watch a movie, love. We could make it our tradition.”

“I’d like that Ollie. I think you’ll like Star Wars if you give it a chance.”

“Which one is the best?”

“Oh, I don’t know. They’re all good. The Empire Strikes Back is my favorite.”

“Then let’s watch that one.”

“Well, there’s no explosion at the end of that one.”

“Oh, what’s your next favorite one?”

“The Last Jedi, but—”

“No explosion.”

“Nope.”

“I’ll leave it up to you, then, love.” 

Sara scrolled on her phone. “If we start the MacLunkey version of A New Hope at 10:02:43 pm, the Death Star will explode at midnight,” Sara said.

“Who’s MacLunkey?”

“I love you, Oliver. Thank you.”

“I love you, too, Sara.”