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Fiction Funny Teens & Young Adult

Dear Diary Journal.

My name is Darius and I am incredibly and irrevocably unlucky. I can’t even deny it anymore. At this point it is just a fact. I don’t even know how it happened. Maybe it was the ladder I walked under, or the umbrella I opened inside. Or quite possibly the evil witch who cursed me to 7 years of bad luck. How ironic. Whatever it was, it was most certainly not my black cat. My black cat who I would never get rid of. My anti-Snow White, feline of the night, Garfield of a cat. My Precious Pookie. She meows incessantly as she waits for me to fetch her supper. Once she hears the familiar crackling of expensive quality cat food packaging—only the best for my little one—she quietens down, internally tapping her foot impatiently. She looks at me devilishly, once the kibble hits the bowl. I watched as she devoured her food. How could a totem of evil and bad luck be so adorable? I have been unlucky for a few years now. Four years to be precise. I was many things, and one of those things was an incredibly lazy person, so I never really bothered to try and change my luck. That changed today. Well, tomorrow. Not because I was a procrastinator, which I unfortunately was, but because tomorrow was January 28th. And thanks to the Sun and Jupiter, I would be able to begin my journey towards luck and good fortune.

Day 1

Last night I ended up setting three alarms. 9:00, 9:05, 9:10, and I slept through all of them. It was now 11:00. Pookie had tried to sleep on my face again. With all my bad luck, I was surprised I didn’t suffocate. The fur I had to scrub out of my mouth made me wish I did. I went through my ‘daily routine.’ Wake up, brush my teeth, drink nothing because I dislike both coffee and tea —what a monster— and then eat the easiest thing to make, which was usually cereal. I always poured the milk before the cereal. I was known as being reckless for a reason. And yes, I enjoyed pineapple on pizza too. Today was different though. I took the time to make pancakes. Instead of adding blueberries or strawberries like I usually did, I added seven Four Leaf Clovers to the mix. It hadn’t taken me long to find it at all. What a coincidence that the same witch that cursed me had a corner shop filled with lucky items. Eating Four Leaf Clovers was not crazy. I was unlucky, and I would do anything to change that, and what better way than from the inside out. Ten minutes later, and the pancakes were done. Another ten minutes later, and I had already devoured four. It didn't taste as bad as I was expecting, and I could already feel the luck working in my stomach. Today was my day.

It wasn’t luck. Not even close. Let’s just say that I wouldn’t be stepping back into the bathroom for a few hours. I managed to find the left hind foot of a rabbit at Madam Willa’s corner shop, but I’m slightly hesitant to put it in my pancake mix. I think I’ll settle for hanging it on my bedroom wall, right next to my dream catcher. I’m tired. The quest of good fortune will continue tomorrow.

Day 2

Where does one find a Chimney Sweep? Today, I wore green. Getting up had been as tedious as always but I had managed to wake up earlier than yesterday. 10:57 counts. I now stood in the kitchen, rabbit foot in my pocket and ready to bake.

I was so proud of myself. I made a whole cake from scratch—definitely didn’t use a premix—and I didn’t absolutely hate it, which seemed like a good sign. It was still a disaster though. There was flour everywhere and raw egg on Pookies’ fur. She would hate me after I finished bathing her. I grabbed a box of birthday candles and pulled out 7. After placing the candles on the cake, I took out a lighter and lit each one. I wish I was lucky, and then I blew out the candles. The cake was a bit dry, possibly due to the lack of frosting, but it was still good. I’m so talented.

Day 3

I have nailed 7 horseshoes to the door of my house. I’m not feeling too lucky. I missed the nail and hammered my thumb. Twice. I also got distracted and ended up nailing my finger. I am in pain. Apologies to Pookie for the words I said that she shouldn’t be hearing. This isn’t working, I will have to do something more extreme.

I licked the rabbit’s foot. It was a bad impulsive idea and I don’t know what came over me. Was I going to die? Is this how it ended? Death by the totem of good fortune. The irony was displeasing. Goodbye cruel world.

Day 4

Everything was beautiful. Earth was meaningful. I was happy. Leprechauns danced around pots of gold, throwing four leaf clovers into the air, like confetti. There was a rainbow in the sky, but it was night time and I was suddenly shaking hands with a Chimney Sweep. And then I swam through a lake of pennies, all unexpectedly soft as wool, and when I came up for air, I was sitting on a bench gazing at the stars. Something caught my eye. It was a shooting star. I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes. I wish I was lucky. As I opened my eyes, my vision became cloudy and all I saw was rainbows.

Day 5 of this awful nightmare called life

Was this what it felt like to be hung-over? It sucked and it hurt. I didn’t really feel like getting out of bed today. So I didn’t. I watched a lot of movies, ate a bunch of junk, and forcibly cuddled Pookie. The fresh scar I now had on my cheek made me rethink my decision of choosing a cat over a dog. “I’m just joking, Pookie!” I said desperately, as she jumped off of the bed and sauntered away. Looks like tonight I will have to sleep alone. She would come back though. Eventually.

Day 6

I’m going back to bed.

Day 7

The evil witch just asked me out on a date. Her name is actually Celia and she is quite lovely. So I said yes. Turns out she didn’t curse me. I was never unlucky, I just made really bad, impulsive decisions. And I discovered that I have a passion for baking, so maybe it all worked out after all. With Pookie sitting on my lap, and something to look forward to, I could finally just relax and live happily in the moment. I wouldn’t be needing this journal anymore. My wishes had come true. But this wasn’t the end. Everything was just beginning. 

June 18, 2021 02:22

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