His Clouded Eyes

"Tobias, did you know that in school, there was this really funny incident that happened," Nero blabbered on about the incident that replayed in his head as he lied on his bed, exhausted for the day. Occasionally, Tobias would join him but other times, he preferred floating in the air, organizing the untidy books or stationeries he left on the table. That's right! Tobias could float in midair, could you believe it?

Nero met Tobias when he just started kindergarten. Even though they just met, they clicked immediately. The gap between them was non-existent and they were the best of friends. Everything that was shared between them would never leak out to anyone else, except for that one time, but he was sure it was just in his dream. Tobias would never do such a thing, so that incident was just one of his silly daydreams. Even though it felt so real, even though it felt like something major happened between them, he couldn't remember.

There was something. He was sure of it. Something that was the key to why Tobias changed. It was as if it was not just the personality of Tobias that changed. It was more like the whole person changed, like the person standing in front of me wasn't Tobias. Just as he was about to reach for the memory of what happened, it vanished. No matter how hard he thought, it never reappeared. The more he chased after it, the further it ran away from me.

Tobias just stared at me from a distance. He reached towards him. No, more specifically his throat. Nero knew he was possessive of him. Nero was possessive of him too. So Nero let him. Raising his head slightly to give him more space, he prepared for it. It seemed that not today. All he did was pulled him in a hug, comforting me. He wrapped his arms around him, patting him. He slowly opened his eyes. His clouded eyes. The mirror placed in front of them showed a person. A reflection of a person. A reflection of Nero and only him. However, he saw the two of them hugging each other.

Every day had the same routine that happened continuously on loop for the last 4 years. They were now in the 1st year of high school. Tobias would choose not to come to school on certain days and miss many classes, so Nero would help him with some certain subjects. Surprisingly, he was horrible with math. He thought he would be good at it since he liked to have the correct answer and math was the only subject with correct answers. It was a long time ago anyway.

"Stay away from him, I heard he's delusional,"

"He would even speak to himself and when I asked who he was talking to, he said he was talking to his friend, but there was no one there!"

The whispers followed him everywhere he went in the school campus. He did not mind, instead, he enjoyed it because he knew. He knew, yet he did nothing about it because if he did, the perfect Tobias in front of him right now would disappear. Tobias would no longer be a part of his life. He knew this Tobias was fake, but he hated it. He hated the fact that if he sought help, Tobias would no longer be a part of his life. So, he looked at the world with his clouded eyes, where Tobias existed.

However, one day, the whispers changed. Instead of the usual spreading of rumors about him being delusional, it was something else.

"The delusional friend he was talking to the whole time, isn't his name something like Toby?"

"No, I think it was more like Tobia,"

"Isn't it incredibly similar to the new transfer student?"

"Really? Well, I hope the new transfer student doesn't get targeted by the crazy person,"

"If he did, wish him luck,"

That was right. The rumors that reached his ears were all about Tobias. The real Tobias. Not the fake one. Luckily, the fake Tobias was at home because he did not feel like coming to school. His curiosity growing, he listened to the chattering among students which led him to the conclusion that the new transfer student was somewhere hiding. The first place that came to mind. It would determine his assumption. His assumption would then determine his life.

The life that revolved around his everything. Everything that he had.

Heart thumping like crazy, he sped up the stairs all the way up the levels. All the way to the roof. Forcefully pushing the door open, he closed his eyes. The light rays attacked his eyes. The moment he opened his eyes, the cloudiness in his eyes disappeared like a magnet a distance away from him attracting all the small iron particles. He was now looking through his eyes. The very own pair of eyes Tobias gave him. The real Tobias. The fake Tobias had robbed him of his clear eyes, replacing them with a pair of clouded eyes. He knew, yet he let him, but now, not anymore.

Speeding towards him and tackling the sleeping Tobias, his eyes shined with a sense of excitement. Just like a puppy whose owner finally came home, and he was the puppy while Tobias was the owner. Tobias who was sleeping soundly woke up to the force of someone pinning him down. Not checking who it was, he knew. He knew and when he opened his eyes, there he was. Nero was there, lying right next to him, like usual. Like he always would. Being next to each other. Being there for each other. 

“Nero, this time, I’m not going anywhere,” Tobias said, turning his head to the side, smiling at him.

“I know, Tobias because I’m never letting you go any more,” he said in response, smiling back at him.

Silence hung in the air, but it was a nice one. Nero savored this moment and engraved it to his soul, not wanting to forget this. Every relationship has its ups and downs and the one between Nero and Tobias was no exception. Tobias was always being so strict about following the rules, but Nero did not care. This led to many break-ups between them, but because of their possessiveness over each other, neither refused to let go of their end of the relationship. It was as if a game of tug of war, except the rope which was full of thorns and the fact that neither was willing to let the other win but slightly different.

Both sides knew that the more they got involved with each other, the more it would only hurt, but it was worth it. That was what they thought. Lying next to each other after a long time of not seeing each other, that moment relived itself. The moment that Nero had forgotten. The moment that seemed to run away from him. The moment Tobias came back, the moment those feelings, those words came flooding back.

…

“Tobias, why won’t you let go of this relationship?”

“Nora? What do you mean?”

“I mean, all we do is hurt each other,”

“That may be true. However, it’s worth it. Everyone inflicts pain on you, it’s just the question of whether it’s worth suffering for that person,”

…

“So, was it worth suffering?” the string of words left Nora’s mouth so softly it was a miracle that it reached Tobias’s ears.

“Yeah, it was, why?” he responded with a chuckle. Years had already passed by after Tobias’s departure and it had deeply affected Nero. It affected Nero so much that a fake Tobias existed. Could you blame Nero though? When your lover left you just like that?

I didn’t think so.

Neither did he.

The wind might have sensed it. The atmosphere around them was now back to normal. The clouds seemed to have let the sun through and they basked in the warm sunlight.