Stan

Stomp, Stomp, Stomp. Stan's footsteps fall heavy upon the concrete, brow furrowed and sheening with sweat, each step seemed to carry surprising weight. He walks with slumped shoulders and a lowered head, his gaze never leaving the tarmac, much like a turtle within its shell, he only sees what’s directly in front. It was a particularly hot day, perhaps the hottest of the year, at least that’s what Stan felt. He pauses in front of a two story, red bricked building housing his local doctors’ surgery before continuing to enter. The inside is seemingly completely white and like all places of medicine, a sterile scent lingers. Stan’s nose twitches and he sighs gently, his persistent headache feels particularly prominent today. He swiftly chooses a single seat by the wall, a distance away from anyone else waiting. He is slightly early so all he has to do is wait for the receptionist to call his name, he can at least manage that.  

After only a few moments of waiting Stan feels a presence to his left, looking over he sees an older man with a wrinkled face sat next to him, he didn’t notice him enter at all. Seemingly sensing the gaze, the man mirrors his movement to stare back at him. The stranger wears a calm smile, his eyes crinkled slightly at the sides, his gaze appears very kind. An inexplicable sensation engulfs Stan, a strange sense of familiarity stemming from deep within.

“Hello”

Startled out of his daze by the voice Stan quickly responds, “Ah, yes, hello”, the interaction causes the strange feeling to dissipate and Stan soon forgets it.

With a smile that reaches his eyes, the old man continues, “it’s a wonderful day today”, he motions with his head towards the window beside the entrance, his gaze lingers as if to appreciate the visible clear blue sky.

Stan sighs internally, responding plainly “I suppose so”. The old man seems very sincere, not merely mentioning the weather for the sake of it but to instead share his own joy at the fact. However, Stan would rather the old man kept his joy to himself, talking to this cheerful fellow felt like it would drain what little energy he had left, he hated the heat anyway.

The old man tears his eyes away from the window to again face Stan, “you look tired”, his voice is gentle yet the contents is rather rude, Stan is well aware he looks tired, with dark circles under his eyes and a wan face caused from sleepless nights.    

Stan isn’t angry however, he tilts his head up to look at the ceiling as if in thought, “I’m not surprised”.

“Are you happy?”

Taken off guard by the question Stan returns his gaze to the old man, he partially opens his lips as if to respond on instinct, but swiftly closes them again as their eyes meet. Something about the look the man gives him makes him feel like he couldn’t lie, again a strange sensation overcomes Stan, the eyes looking back at his own seem ever so familiar, he feels that by lying now he would be betraying himself.

“I don’t...think so”, these four words seem to take considerable effort. Stan is surprised that he would say them to a complete stranger. Yet somehow, his shoulders feel just a bit lighter now.  

Strangely, the old man gently smiles at the admission, nodding his head as if proud. Turning, now facing forward into room he states “happiness can either be the easiest or hardest thing in the world to obtain, it took me until I was old and wrinkly to grasp it, but now it seems so simple”.   

Staring at the old man’s profile, Stan pauses, pursing his lips. He asks slowly, “How can I..?”.

“You need to stop waiting” responds a firm voice.

“Stop waiting..?”, cocking his head slightly, Stan’s confusion is evident.

Turning to face the younger man again he continues, “stop waiting for your life to start.. Your living right now!”, the old man becomes increasingly animated, even reaching forward to grab Stan’s shoulder. “The weight that you feel, is from living in your past traumas and longing for your future expectations”.

The old man’s intensity shook Stan, staring eye to eye, much closer than before, the bizarre sensation felt stronger than ever deep within the pit of his stomach. He felt a profound stirring from the man’s words and his eyes began to sting.

The old man draws back and releases Stan, softer than before he says “my past is longer than yours and my future less bright.. yet I feel as light as a feather”. Turning to look out the window by the entrance again, eyes filled with passion as he continues “The bright blue sky is truly majestic, a rainy day is cool and refreshing and every person I meet is interesting and wonderful… That’s what it means to be living right now… So stop waiting”

Turning to once again look at Stan the old man opens his mouth as if to speak, but quickly closes it again leaving just a gentle smile.

He wouldn’t hear him now, looking through the window with misty eyes and wet cheeks Stan suddenly stands up and takes two large steps towards the door before quickly stopping. Stan turns to look at the old man one last time, asking with a clear voice, “What’s your name?”

A corner of the old man’s mouth raises, with a cheeky smile he answers, “Stan”.

“Haha” the younger Stan bends over slightly giving a chuckle, “I see”. With that he turns around and walks out the door, seemingly forgetting about his prior appointment.

Step, Step, Step. Stan continues to walk, he looks at all the wonderful things he missed on his way here, the trees, the people and of course, the clear blue sky. His small smile soon turns into a bright grin. Stan’s steps seem a lot lighter than they did before, “today really is wonderful day”.