He still waits

If someone knew what James been waiting for...James wouldn't be standing alone in the bus stop,for three hours straight. Neither he would go to the cinema with someone he doesnot even like.

It's weird that someone like James would spend his Saturday nights in front of an old album with blank pages and frozen yogurt.It's strange that somebody like James would eat black chocolate with jam every morning.Why would he do that? Ηe was the captain of football team after all. The healthiset and fittest from all.

As always James takes the bus at 7 am to go to work where he stays until 6 pm. Then he graps a cup of tea and a small cupcake for lunch.Who does that? At 8pm he goes to the park where he reads his only book "For you and us" written by someone his heart belonged to. At 9 pm he walks to his house to watch some TV and about half hour later he goes to sleep.Till the next day when he repeats the same things again. Great life huh?

Many, think his weird,many think his lonely and others think that he's a loser. I guess they're right. He ie weird,lonely and a loser, and James knows it. But he can't do anything about it. He's useless without that person in his life. He's alone without that person, but he had it coming. The other couldn't stand his behavior and did a reckless thing.

James is the type of person who cannot be loved easily but when someone does love him, he will never consider him bad or grumpy. He has the spirit of a child and a great sense of humour!He loves to draw and read in summer, while in the winter he collects ideas to draw or to read for the next summer, all because of that person who was in his life. How a person can affect someone so much, that someone will change his hole life for the other? Personally, I don't have the answer to that, but somehow James changed so much cause of that person. He's the total opposite of what he is now.

Every year,same day James goes to the beach. Where he met and lost that special someone. His inner self cries so hard till he can't feel anything the next day. But if someone watched him from afar he would seem just an ordinary guy relaxing at the beach.Why he doesn't cry you ask? Because it was his fault that he lost him that day, his own guilt don't allow him to reveal his pain because he does not deserve it. He commited the crime but there is no police to put him behind bars for it. He's punishment is time. He waits for that person to come back. He waits for his forgiveness and affection, because no one else will do. He's waits and waits but that person never comes back. He lost track of time and so he can't even realize, that person has gone from his life four years ago!

His feels so sad and depressed that these feelings don't feel like feelings anymore, but his current state.He has forgotten how hapiness feels like.But the worst part is that he has forgotten how fear feels like.He is not afraid of dying, of hurting hiself, because he deserves it.However, he won't do anything.Not because he's not willing to but because he believes and hopes for his return.He wouldn't want to upset him with his injuries or his absence.He hopes that someday when he return home at 9 pm, he will be there with a big smile waving at him to come and watch his favourite show. James would love that. He would love to play some board games and laugh like a child all night. He missed laughing.

He would grab him and kiss him all over while crying his eyes out, even when he imagines it, he's about to burst in tears. He can't stand the fact he's not able to spend his life with that person, to get old with that person. His life is so miserable, without this person. He love him so much that he feels weak even thinking about his figure.

He would forget all his waiting and lonely nights when he would see him.James would forgave him right way for leaving him. He would promise himself to do anything to keep that person in his life and never letting go!He would quit his boring job and he would start driving again! He would cook his favourite meal and they would dance every Sunday. They wouldn't care about the place, if it was their living room, a public restaurant, or a tiny bathroom they still wouldn't care, only because they were together! He wouldn't be embarassed he would show his feelings so easily because he felt so many things for that person.

But James knew it was too late for that. If he wasn't be ashamed of who he was,of who he was dating maybe things would turn differently.Things would turn just fine, with a happy ending. Although there is no happy ending for James without him.

Now James can only wait, wait for his parthner to come back.Little did he know that person never left him. But that is a different story...a hard story where both of them suffred from the same incident.The one was too scared to admit he's sexuality and the other too in love to be able to hide his feelings from the public. There is not right or wrong, only the facts matter at this point.They are not together. Both of them hate living like this, especially James who was never able to show his feelings.He made a fatal mistake which caused his hapiness. A simple I love you, would do.But it's too late, the other made his way to another man's arms. Is he happy? No.He couldn't, he also waits for his soulmate to say those words. Four years, he still waits.