Nameless

Soft red hues paint the sky. For the moment, that's all I can see. Red. Hot, thick blood runs down the length of my arm. Strangely, I can't remember touching any of the roses in the field I'm sitting in. Their light, sweet scent wafts through the air.

Human reason seems to have left me, and the rage rises until it drowns out everything else, leaving me with nothing but this raw, unbridled fury. My body pulsates with it, charged, straining against a tension I can't bear any longer. I am mad with betrayal, and it consumes me from within. And yet, underneath it all, I feel empty. Hollow. I want to scream, to shout, but instead I wait here, surrounded by a sea of red roses.

This was her favourite place to sit in the evening. Her name was Iris, and she had the most beautiful smile in the world. She was brave, strong - everything I'm not. I understand why she chose my brother, but I still wish she hadn't. I do not deserve her, but that hasn't stopped me wanting to see her smile once more, to sit next to her and run my fingers through her brown honey hair. I wish I could take back the cruel things I've done, but it's too late. As far as I can see, the green landscape stretches before me, as endless as the memory of her shining hazel eyes.

I want my brother to feel everything I feel now. The pain is in my chest is worse than any physical pain could ever be.

I am restless in a sea of roses in anticipation of his arrival. The one person I fought to trust but can't. I always fought for us to have a relationship that meant something, but I had to learn it the hard way. He's a brave and charming, but he betrayed me to the King. He traded my trust, my loyalty, for power and love. As a result, I was exiled from Sylvaris, the City of Moonlight.

 It would have been less painful to drive a dagger through my heart.

 But he did it all to be with Iris. For that, I was exiled, banished from Sylvaris. The first week nearly killed me, but I learned to hunt, to survive, to navigate the sun-scorched mountains of Florilis.

Sylvaris, my home - the city of moonlight. It's a land where winter never turns to spring, where sunlight touches the land for only three hours a day. When darkness returns, the moon and the stars take their place, brilliant and constant. Florilis is a bath of pure daylight all day long. I hate it - the heat, the bright sky. The two realms couldn't be more different. Sylvaris and Florilis, the kingdoms of moonlight and sunlight, divide the world in two.

In Sylvaris, the city of Moonlight always sparkles under a blanket of fresh snow, glistening as snowflakes fall from the sky like feathers. The stars and moon cast a warm, serene glow over everything.

It feels like home. 

It was my home.

But isn’t anymore.

In Sylvaris, the crisp, cold air had always burned against my skin, but it left me feeling pure, whole. Here I feel the opposite. Sweat clings to my clothes and dust coats my skin like a second layer. My wounds are still fresh, raw and bleeding. I'm sweating and every breath feels like punishment.

This exile was meant to be my end, but it wasn't. And now, I'm waiting for Jack.

I have been banished to Florilis, not just to be exiled, but to be killed. An ancient rule forbids humans to cross between realms. Step foot on the other side and you're marked for death. But that's not what I'm waiting for.

I sit among the wild roses of Florilis, on the border where the two realms meet. Where night meets day, the moon meets the sun.  In these long weeks of exile, I've planned. I wouldn't say exactly a plan, but it comes close. I will surprise my brother here on this border and kill him. In my short life, I've killed many innocents during the war. A monster, unworthy of love - yet I longed for it. The weight of the dagger is soothing and comforting, its cold steel so familiar against my hot skin. This dagger has killed too many, and tonight another would meet its fate beneath it. It has taken many lives, and tonight it will take another. 

Killing is the easiest way to erase my past, but there's another: a legend of a cauldron, the last source of magic that can make people forget. But the price is high - it demands a piece of your soul. The bigger your request the more it takes from you. The king buried its truth in myth, afraid someone would seek it out. 

The sound of rustling leaves draws my attention to the forest. My body stiffened, ready to attack. My muscles contract and the air blows in my direction, carrying the scent of the horses. The smell? Terrible. My fingertips are numb from not using them while I waited. I touch my blade to make sure it's still in my grip. Cold air fills my lungs. Inhale. Exhale. The thunder of the horses' footsteps comes closer, grows louder. 

I am ready. At least that's what I try to tell myself. And here comes the moment I have waited for so long, all this time alone in the forest, despised. My brother. On a horse, looking as princely as ever, his dirty blond hair a little dishevelled by the wind and his bright blue eyes piercing, their sharp contrast his angelic gaze. My brother comes here to the border every month, his ritual. Our father was buried here.

I will not falter. I can't and will never again see the night sky full of burning stars, shining and radiating. The city was lit with golden amber and the scent of spices. 

Sylvaris. Home.

He doesn't see me yet. I leap from my hiding place and his sword is in his hand in an instant. His eyes meet mine, surprise flickering across his face. Yes, it's me. 

“James,” he breathes, his voice thick with disbelief.

The fresh Sylvaris air fills my lungs as I approach, the snow crunching under my boots. My dagger glistens in the moonlight, pressed against his throat, but he doesn't flinch. I want to scream, the pain clawing at my chest, but I stand frozen, inches from my brother. A part of me hesitates, remembering that I'm supposed to protect him, not destroy him. Yet he betrayed me – sold me to the king, carved my fate in stone. My hand trembles as I press harder, but I can't get through. 

The blade sinks deeper, and blood gushes out as my brother gasps, choking on surprise. He tries to speak, but the dagger holds him silent. The sight of crimson staining his sleeves turns my stomach, though I’ve nothing to vomit after days without food. He’s no longer a defenceless child, yet my hand trembles—not from pity, but exhaustion. 

“What do you want?” he asks, struggling for breath.

“What do I want? Really? Are you serious?” I huff. My voice cracks a little. This isn't going the way I planned. Not at all. "You betrayed me. You banished me from Sylvaris. You sentenced me to death, and you ask me what I want? It is simple..." 

I try to find the words to say what it is I want. Yes, revenge, but there's something much more important than that.

 I want my brother to feel remorse for what he has done. We could be brothers again. Yes, even work together. If he just says those three words. I will forgive him.

“So, you don't know what you want?” he scoffed.

“Jack don't make me regret this,” I groan, trying to control my voice.

“James, we both know you'd never slit my throat, so don't pretend you could, it's not like you..." he stammered, his words not coming out as I pressed the dagger harder.

“Then you underestimate me, trouble." I breath heavily, “You destroyed me, Jack. And now I'm going to return you the favour.”

My heart beats fast, I fear it might give up at this very moment. A heat washes over my body, and I am aware of every part of it. My fingers. My toes. My arms. My legs. My face. My neck. 

It is the shame that sets everything on fire.

It hits me in this moment. I don't want to kill. 

NO. I can't kill him. 

Jack is always right. 

The snow turns red and I feel sick. 

"So, what do you want, James?" Jack's voice breaks the silence.

I step closer, the dagger trembling in my hand. "I want you to feel it, Jack. The betrayal. The loneliness. The... emptiness. I want you to know what you've taken from me. But more than that..." My voice cracks, betraying me. "I want to know why."

Jack's eyes widen, his chest rises and falls like a cornered animal. For a moment I think I see regret - real, genuine regret - flicker in his gaze. But it's gone as quickly as it came, replaced by something colder, harder.

"You think you know the truth, James," he says, his voice calmer now, a strange bitterness lacing his words. "But you don't. You never did."

"Then tell me!" I snap, the dagger pressing harder against his throat. "Tell me what I don't know!" The air is thick with tension, as if charged with some kind of unknown magic. I hope... - For what? The word feels so hollow to me.

Nothing will ever be the same again. I know that, but there's this tingling feeling that I don't want to let go. I don't want to give up the last bit of my humanity, the last thing I must hold on to. The truth.

"The king..." he stumbles over his words; he curls up as if in pain. His eyes are glassy and filled with pain. "I can't say..." Something was wrong here. A jolt of pain makes his face tense and pale. 

"You can't say what? What?" I say, as if time is running out.

"The king laid a... c..." This time he falls to the floor. There is pain and worry in his eyes. Worry. Something in me is alarmed. My brother can't finish his sentence, he can't seem to speak.

I'm trying to figure out what the King might have done, my mind is racing. 

Once more, my thoughts keep going spiralling, going over every possible option.

Think!

Think!

And then, like a spark in the dark, it suddenly makes sense.

I know what I must do.

I've finally figured out what needs to be done – what should have been done a long time ago. I leave Jack and start running. The snow is coming down harder, with each flake stinging my skin a little. My lungs are burning, but I keep going. I don't know where to, but I feel a connection - a thread pulling me forward, as if my body knows where to go but my brain doesn't. I feel charged with energy, I will run until my legs faint, until my bones break, until my lungs collapse and my heart stops beating. I will run to the end of the world only to never look back again. My energy grows with every step, it feels like gravity. Adrenaline rushes through me.

I run.

Running and running.

I run, time fading into oblivion. Pain burns my feet, but all that matters is the road ahead.

Then I see it - a lake shining as if bathed in stars, silvery water reflecting the moon. Surrounded by glowing flowers. As if they too were covered in stardust. I approached with hesitant steps, and when I looked closer, the flowers weren't covered in stardust, but small living creatures. They look like miniature glittering elves. They have the size of a grain of rice. A faint little voice whispered, "We are the guardians of the Stardust Lake.” Magic seems to be everywhere. I've never seen anything like this before. I have no words to describe its beauty. Tiny as dewdrops, the elves fly across the mossy forest floor, their shimmering wings glowing like moonlight. Wrapped in flower petals and spider silk, they build homes from acorn tops and light their world with fireflies. Silent guardians of the lake, they open blossoms and stir gentle breezes. Most catch a fleeting glimpse before disappearing, leaving behind a trace of magic. 

But where was the thing I was looking for?  I stopped here, so this must be the place.

The Cauldron. But it is nowhere to be seen. Because there is none. It is a legend. The Cauldron doesn't exist. 

No. It is a lake. 

I take a few steps towards the lake filled with stars, but as I get closer, I see that there aren't any stars.  

I've got nothing left to give but my soul, and it'll take everything I've got.

I drop to my knees on the shore and stare into the glittering depths. "Erase me," I say, my voice shaking. "Let the world forget that I ever existed. Let Jack be free of the curse. Let Sylvaris forget my crimes."

The water ripples, as if in silent acceptance.

The king cursed my brother because of me. I must make it right. I close my eyes and hope that the lake has heard my plea. I pray and wait to feel something. My heart. I feel it sucking out my soul as the beast feeds on it. Hungry and restless, impatient for more. I feel the darkness reaching into my heart, ripping and tearing at my soul. A pain like no other, almost every good feeling I've ever had is gone with the darkness.

When it is over, I look up. 

I feel... nothing. Hollow, yet free. No pain. No regret. No pity. I'm heading back to Sylvaris, my boots crunching on the snow. The city's lights are glowing warmly in the distance, but they're not for me anymore. I am a stranger in the only place I've ever called home. No one remembers me, not even Jack, Iris or the King.

I'm nameless.

I'm free, but I'm also completely alone.

I've set my heart on fire to make this possible. I've erased myself from history. History can begin anew. A fresh start.

I am not a worthy man. Anyway, what is the definition of good or evil?

Exactly. There is no answer. It just depends on who is telling the story.