An icy layer of popsicle

I glance at the sight of my rainbow Popsicle, melting… just like my life. Slowly and gradually, the colors mixing in an individual, greyish galaxy of their own. Lightly revealing the dullness underneath, crawling away… slipping off quietly. 

The picture right next to me seems to laugh at the look of me struggling not to let the liquid drip on my fawn-colored, flawless blouse, that’s my husband. A loving and caring one. A dashing personality perfectly carved on the enduring smile. But he never was my husband, and I don’t dare to tell my mom about it now, no…

Hazel eyes sculpted on a spirited, young face. Bronzed hair brushing across the wide forehead, he looked at me, annoyed. ‘ I am sorry’, I spoke with my head low as I glared at the miserable sight of his shirt, ruined by the raspberry juice I just spilled on him. And to my astonishment, his lips twisted into a cheerful smile, letting me know, ‘it’s ok!’  It was strange seeing an Arab just laughing over the insult he faced for the spill, I was delighted and so… we became friends! But that is not the point.

 The thing that pulled me in him was not the caring behavior, nor the alluring appearance, but the deep, mysterious eyes shadowed beneath his dark eyebrows, the fakeness hidden behind his laugh, the roar of confusion and curiosity behind his talk…

I know. Everyone thought I was lucky to have such a charming Arab by my side and so I stopped in search of the answers to some of the questions I urged to know about him. But little did I know about the truth hidden deep in him, he was just a layer of an icy Popsicle covered over the tasteless piece of wood.

We went on getting nearer, I felt my life a part of his. But he would sometimes vanish away in the harsh deserts and busy roads of Arabia, never letting me know anything. My family got attached to his leading character sooner than I expected. Not long, my father decided to give me in the hands of him, Awad.

And so here it goes. Failing to control the bursting curiosity in me, I decided to follow him one day, when he told me he had an important business meeting to lead and he was leaving tomorrow. I was desperate to know who he really was and where did he go often, suddenly leaving everything behind and just suddenly gone!

The night before, I was woken up by the little jingle of keys in a distance. Strange! I definitely wasn’t gonna go back to my nap. Putting on a black hijab, I crept out in my nightgown only to find a shadow leading to the hallway down to our main door. Of course, I followed. It was him, Awad. Who else could it be? He was very cautious and kept stopping to check for threats. I couldn’t possibly trail outside so I decided to watch him through the window and catch up a little while later.

He turned at the main porch and waited. A short while after, a man arrived whom he swiftly handed over the keys and hurried back. In a moment, he was in. But he suddenly got a phone call I wish I never had listened.

 Are the keys in safe hands?

‘ yes,’

‘ ok well… I expect you have found the man who ruined the plans … you are an agent of Arabia’s biggest undercover agency, not a…’

‘ he is somewhere in the city premises, I need some time to figure out… maybe he was here since the first place’

‘ well, we want you to report soon. don’t want to end this up losing a good life like yours… you know it very well’

‘I have no choice, I will try’

  I couldn’t believe my ears… Awad was an undercover top secret agent! I hid behind the sofa wondering when he suddenly turned and I saw his face, it was Dad! Wait what? I felt my head spin. What just happened? As soon as he went inside his room, I shot back upstairs. Panting and sweating, I leaned to the wall like a weary dog…

‘Surprises under surprises’, I murmured, ‘it’s just getting more complicated’. I should have been expecting my dad to end up somewhere here as it was switching on perfect to his character, the bold and intelligent one, but still…

That night was terrible. My legs ached as I kept revolving around my king-sized bed, the stress torturing me. A thunder of thoughts spinning wildly, who is dad really? Does mom know this? What if Awad finds out? What if dad finds out about me sneaking on him! What should I do next?! I hit a book heavily on my knee just to distract my brain, ouch! It hurt…

At last, I decided to forget the night before and wipe it off my memory forever. My dad was just a normal businessman, I had to keep it in my mind. Nothing going extraordinary, I was just a happy woman about to get married to a flawless man. I decided to pay no heed on anything else, the end!

Nah! Just kidding. It’s not the end. In fact, now is the main part. I begin the new day as normal as ever. Taking deep breaths and leaning back and forth at the dining table, I waited for Awad impatiently.‘ Habibi! why have you gone all pale and tired? ‘, mom worriedly put her hand on my head. I frantically backed off, I knew I was burning in fever. If mom found out, she would never let me leave my room and I was definitely creeping out today. Final decision. ‘Ah! Just nothing. I worked on the computer last night, had to type down some essays and stuff, was a lot of work’, I lied. Well, that was a good one, strong enough…

Astonishingly, awad didn’t come out for breakfast, and I had to go up and call him down. He was in his room, wearing a dull grey robe and fixing the white cloth piece over his head. He was extending his self-admiration time in front of the mirror to an annoying level! I took a glance, he looked like… a camel. Yeah! That’s the only animal Arabs relate to. Neck upright and very proud, expressionless but firm… just like a camel! He didn’t frown as I walked in through the door and ruined his busy self-care.  ‘ Awad, you're late. Mom and dad are waiting at the table’, I said. He just nodded me back, too lost in himself. Confused, I turned towards my room and got dressed for school, teaching was my love! But I felt skipping school today, had a lot of other things to work on. Feeling exhausted already, I put on my rose gold hijab over a loose white gown and was ready. Awad quietly came into my room.

‘Do you like me?’, he asked. It was so unexpected that I just couldn’t come up with an answer better than ‘yes’. He looked deeply into my eyes, I could feel he was wanting to tell me something. ‘ awad’, I begin, ‘ we are about to get married and you are still confused if we could live together? If you have changed your mind then go on, I won’t speak up…’, I didn’t know how I constructed up the courage in me but the destruction of my soul and the sudden collapse of my dreams was unbearable. ‘ no, no… It's not what you think. Your father gave you to me and there is simply nothing wrong in you to be rejected. I just wanted your clear opinion once again. We know how strong our love and trust are on each other. It is hard to even think losing you’, the last words escaped as a whisper through his dry throat. I let out a sigh of relief, he was such a puzzle. We stood there for a while staring at the clouds floating in the sky, both of us thinking of the bright future ahead and fighting to control the overloaded emotions in our bodies. And then he left…

I stood at the doorway watching the taxi speeding off. My heart seemed to come to a rest, lightly beating rhythmic rhythms… I suddenly felt proud to find the perfect match, forgetting all the mysteries attached to him. One problem left, dad… I wanted to help him out. But first, we needed to talk.

6 hours later…

I was lying on my bed, thinking about Awad. I just couldn’t ever fill up the space of his inexistence whenever he left. An empty feeling… suddenly dad burst into the room, ‘ Dasha!’, he cried out loud, ‘ we are doomed!!’. I looked at him. All broken and upset. Hair flying wildly over the sweat trickling head, face all red and choked breaths. ‘Dad! Calm down, dad! it's okay’, I made him sit on the bed. ‘ ahh… Dasha, don’t you understand, he tricked you! He tricked all of us!’, he had gone crazy. ‘who? Dad, who!’, I was so puzzled, I shouted at my own father. ‘ whats going on?’, mom came in wiping off her hand with a towel, ‘ your voices are being heard in the whole neighborhood. Is it what our religion teaches us to do? Control yourself and be humble!’, she was very cross. ‘you are absolutely right, I am losing temper over useless things. You go back in the kitchen and prepare some falafels for me, I will be on the dining table shortly my dear’, dad tried composing himself as ever but I could see his fists trembling. As soon she left dad held my hand tightly. ‘ Awad. It was Awad, Dasha! He was a spy from Iran… he knew everything and so he flew away with the files and the keys… everything!! I lost Dasha! The company’s going to kill me, our secrets… all exposed! Government plans and all the important details, he took it away from right under my nose! I always knew he was hiding something but I ignored all of it for the sake of you! I knew you hadn’t chosen someone for years, Dasha! And I couldn’t reject your love Habibi, ah! Curse my fatherly behaviors… could anything be worse? He must have crossed the borders by now. After all, he completed his mission successfully… using your stupid innocence!’, he spoke sobbing, his hands on his head… wailing in a low tone. Moaning and regretting at the moment he trusted me. I felt my brain go numb. Somewhere deep inside my heart, there was a shatter. The shatter of the wonderful future castle breaking down into pieces, the shatter of trust and love… all in a row, I felt suffocated inside myself, the world felt black and dull. He cheated? He used me for his mission… but, I thought our love was for real. Isn’t love two way?? I questioned myself, too scared to answer. Life is no bed of roses or dreams…